What type of organiser are you?

There are plenty of tidying tips for families: «Tidy up regularly so that everything has its own place», «Follow this rule: before playing a new game, tidy away the old one», «Have five-minute tidying sprints with music instead of long marathons», «Compete against each other in a tidying challenge: who's the fastest?».

However, the real problem often doesn't start with the actual tidying up itself, but much earlier: it stems from differing perceptions of when a space becomes untidy and when action is needed.

For teenagers, tidiness is also linked to setting boundaries and independence: this is my room, and I live here exactly as I please!

Whilst some mums and dads start to feel anxious at the mere sight of a few bits and bobs lying about, other family members feign indifference. «It doesn't bother me... Only a genius can see the big picture in all this chaos!» exclaims the partner with a wink. «I can find everything,» insists the child, even if their room resembles an archaeological dig site.

This makes conflict inevitable. A first step towards a solution is to understand why people's sense of order varies so much. Psychological research offers some fascinating insights into this.

Variations in sensitivity to stimuli

People differ in their sensitivity to stimuli from birth. The lower our stimulus threshold, the more quickly objects lying around lead to what is known as «attentional noise»: the stimuli compete for our attention and tax our working memory.

This effect isn't limited to cluttered spaces. Some people also quickly feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed in lavishly decorated rooms and appreciate the calming effect of minimalist décor.

Would you like to know how sensitive you are to visual stimuli? Then pop into a well-stocked second-hand shop or a home decor shop. Can't you get enough of it and do you feel energised by everything there is to discover? Or are you completely overwhelmed the moment you step through the door?  

Women are more likely to get stressed by a mess

At the same time, research from the University of California shows that women release more stress hormones than men when faced with a messy home. This is thought to be due to a heightened sense of responsibility: because of the way they have been socialised, women tend to perceive items left lying around as a call to action and add them to their mental to-do list. No wonder this undermines their well-being and dampens their mood.

Tidying up is also a way of managing your emotions. Sometimes you have to let go of things you feel attached to.

This can also be attributed to the fact that women are subject to stricter judgements regarding tidiness in the home. In one study, adults were each shown a photograph of a living-dining area that was either relatively tidy or rather untidy.

At the same time, the participants were casually told that the flat belonged to someone called «Jennifer» or «John». The result: if the participants believed the photo showed a woman's flat, they rated the mess as being much worse.

Undisciplined or creative?

Furthermore, personality traits play an important role. People whose homes or offices tend to be messy are often labelled as lazy, unmotivated or undisciplined, though in some cases they are also seen as particularly creative and intelligent.

Albert Einstein is often quoted as saying: «If a messy desk is a sign of a messy mind, what does an empty desk say?» This view gained traction thanks to the «Messy Desk» study, which linked clutter to a spirit of innovation and creativity. Although this finding caused a media sensation, it could hardly be reliably confirmed in subsequent studies.

However, research does indicate that there are certain traits associated with a strong sense of order. Foremost among these is conscientiousness – an innate personality trait that encompasses a sense of duty, determination, care and thoroughness, as well as self-discipline and structure. Conscientious people quickly become stressed when things are left lying about and feel as though they can no longer think clearly.

Staying organised requires a range of skills

There is a good reason for this: studies show that people working in untidy offices make more mistakes – and that this is particularly true of very conscientious individuals. And finally, for young people, tidiness is sometimes linked to the idea of setting boundaries and asserting their independence: «This is my room and I live here exactly as I please!»

However, the state of our home doesn't just depend on how much chaos stresses us out. Rather, keeping things tidy requires a whole range of skills. Once again, executive functions play a key role: we need to plan and set priorities – what should I tidy up next? We tax our working memory with questions such as: where does this belong?

The key thing is that we share responsibility for the communal areas and keep the lines of communication open.

We mustn't let ourselves be distracted from our goal by suddenly starting to read the book we actually intended to put away. We also need a fair amount of willpower to make decisions: should I throw this away, or do I still need it? After all, tidying up is also an act of emotional regulation. You have to pull yourself together, overcome boredom and, at times, say goodbye to things you feel emotionally attached to.

Staying organised with ADHD

And this is where it gets tricky: children, teenagers and adults who already struggle with their executive functions – for example , those with ADHD – find chaos even more taxing. «Attentional noise» quickly overwhelms them and leaves them paralysed. They then find themselves in the midst of the chaos, unable to think clearly.

Perhaps they frantically move a few things from A to B, get briefly absorbed in something exciting, aren't quite sure what to do with it all, and eventually give up, exhausted and ashamed. Even with checklists, simple organisation systems involving boxes and drawers, and helpers who break the mountain of clutter down into small, manageable steps with them, tidying up usually remains an energy-sapping mammoth task for them.

Only when we stop interpreting these differences as «character flaws» and judging them morally can we discuss and accept what each family member needs to feel at home. Whilst one person keeps their private space tidy, the teenager is free to decorate their room as they please. The key is that we share responsibility for the communal areas and keep the lines of communication open.