The best parenting advice

As soon as you have children, you get advice. Everyone gives it. Your own parents. The parents-in-law. Distant relatives. Friends. Strangers. They all seem to feel the need to tell us what we could be doing better with our children. It's a little annoying. Because the advice is usually about things the person has done with their own children. Or would have liked to do. But never about my situation.

And yet I actually like listening to advice because it reveals a lot about the other person. As an aside, it's one of the most wonderful ways to get to know people: asking them for advice. You find out the most absurd things. And sometimes you get pieces of gold.

Like the time my Swedish friend talked about how, by protecting our children from every negative experience, we rob them of the experience of growing from difficulties. Such parents are called «curlingföräldrar» in Sweden. Because, like the wipers in curling, we prepare the way for the stone, tirelessly clearing all obstacles out of our children's way so that they can slide safely through a threatening childhood.

But you can't protect your children from everything, my friend says, because no matter what we do, our children will fail exams, they will get lost, they won't make friends, they will experience heartbreak.

In contrast, she made an unusual suggestion: if we as parents are ever in a tricky situation, we should ask our children for advice. Of course, it's not about shifting our adult problems onto children. It's about showing our children that all people - including us parents - sometimes face difficult situations or experience setbacks. And at the same time, we signal to them that we are interested in their judgement.

Sometimes it also helps to simply tell someone that you are nervous.

So when I recently had to give a presentation and was, as always, a little unsure and nervous, I went to my daughter and asked her: What should I do? She looked at me in amazement. And that look alone told me that we had never been in this situation before. I had never come to her for advice before.

The tide had turned. I needed help and turned to her. She quickly gave me two amazing pieces of advice. Firstly, stand in front of a mirror and practise your speech. Often. And secondly, people are seeing you for the first time. They'll think you're okay. They don't know if you could actually be better.

I nodded slowly. She smiled. Later, she saw me standing in front of the bathroom mirror, practising my speech. «Sometimes it just helps to tell someone that you're nervous,» she said and started brushing her teeth. When people ask me: «What advice would you give parents when dealing with their children?», I now say: "Ask your children for advice when you're in a jam.