Some fathers don't find their place

Mr Ryser, who comes to you for advice?

Fathers are only slowly beginning to discover us for themselves. The majority of counselling sessions continue to take place with mothers, with fathers taking part in every eighth consultation. The proportion of fathers who come to us alone with their questions is constantly increasing - also thanks to special services for fathers such as the online fathers' meetings or the fathers' telephone. The results of our survey of fathers have shown that fathers like to discuss their issues with an expert who is a father himself. And they would like to hear from other fathers about how they do it. Incidentally, looking back, I would have liked both of these things when I became a father eight years ago.

What issues are burning on fathers' minds?

For some, it's about gaining more confidence, developing their own style and overcoming doubts about their paternal abilities. Others feel under pressure in the balancing act of work and family, feel guilty towards their partner and child due to their high work presence and want to review their priorities. Still others are surprised by the intense feelings they encounter in their role as a father and want to learn about how to deal with situations of frustration, anger and powerlessness and about stress management. There are also fathers who turn to me because they can't find their place in the family, feel marginalised or want to defuse a couple or family conflict.

What do you think about paternity leave?

Unfortunately, many people still believe that the first few weeks and months are primarily about the relationship between mother and child. This has long been refuted by attachment and family research. As the third person in the family, the father has an important role to play as a bridge to the world - right from the start. In this sense, a two-week paternity leave is a first step in the right direction. A sign of appreciation for fathers and a symbolic start-up aid for the family.

The Mothers' and Fathers' Counselling Service of the Canton of Berne offers free advice.
Special offers for fathers are available at:
www.mvb-be.ch/de/beratung/fuer-vaeter