Setting limits on mobile phone use - but how?

Adolescence is a challenging time in which children and parents often clash. Digital media is a constant area of conflict: social platforms such as Tiktok or Instagram and games, YouTube or even Netflix.

It is difficult for parents to set boundaries as they often simply don't know what their offspring are doing and where the red line should possibly lie. And let's be honest: we often avoid the conflict.

Borders are a matter of negotiation

In my opinion, boundaries should not be drawn as a matter of principle, but should always be a matter of negotiation between parents and children. In other words: Everyone involved must talk to each other, listen to each other and try to understand each other's position.

Setting boundaries does not mean taking your own lack of understanding out on the child.

Admittedly, it's not that easy: we adults often find the behaviour or rituals of young people simply silly and consider the vast majority of Tiktok clips to be «bullshit». That's because we don't understand or realise what's behind it.

More than just a pastime

However, setting boundaries does not mean taking your own lack of understanding out on your child. I therefore advise mums and dads to familiarise themselves with the content that their child is involved with. In this way, they show an interest in their adolescent.

We parents need to develop a fundamental understanding of the context: smartphones and social media are not just a pastime for young people today. They are an essential element in group formation. Especially during puberty, belonging to a group provides important support.

What's more: Parents also have a role model function that should not be underestimated when it comes to the use of smartphones. If they themselves look at their mobile phones every five minutes and the device is constantly present, they don't appear very credible when they demand moderation from their children.

In conflicts with adolescents, there is a great temptation to hit them at their most sensitive point when enforcing rules and agreements: by taking away their mobile phones. However, it is difficult for parents to decide whether they consider such a punishment appropriate.

It is important to bear in mind that smartphone withdrawal not only restricts film consumption, but also all communication with friends. Smartphone withdrawal is therefore a pretty harsh punishment for many young people. And let's be honest: we have respect for the reaction to such a punishment.