Screen time: clear rules and attention

Parents of several children know this: Arguments between siblings are part of life. Although they are exhausting and tedious, they play a key role in helping children to develop social skills . However, there are some particularly nerve-wracking arguments for parents, for example when younger siblings suddenly demand the same rights as their older siblings. Things can quickly become complicated, especially when it comes to the use of mobile phones and digital media.

As a parent, it is useful to remember the basic rules for dealing with digital media. These are not set in stone, but offer practical guidelines. Two of them are particularly important.

Squinting at your older sister's display can trigger both «I want too» and «I think that's stupid».

The rule of thumb 3-6-9-12: no screen under the age of three, no own games console before the age of six, no internet (even unsupervised) before the age of nine and no unsupervised internet before the age of twelve. It is important that you always consider not only the age, but also the maturity of the child.

Regardless of the content of the rules: These must be reliable and enforced. This helps the children to orientate themselves and they know that breaking them has consequences.

Balancing justice

Despite these rules, younger siblings in particular may still feel unfairly treated. We should not ignore this. However, the situation can be defused. On the one hand, parents can offer an exciting alternative for the younger child, such as extra parental leave. On the other hand, older children should take on more responsibility in return, for example carrying out the rubbish bag or mowing the lawn. This leads to equalising justice.

Children of parents who give a lot of attention but raise them without clear rules argue more.

Interest in digital media can change dramatically with age. Squinting at your older sister's screen can trigger both «I want to» and «I think that's stupid». Make a note of the age at which you allowed your older child to use certain functions and content. That way you are well prepared when the «negotiations» begin.

In a meta-analysis from 2022, Mohd Nazri Abdul Rahman from the University of Malaya in Malaysia and his colleague Cong Liu looked at different parenting styles. The study found the following: Children of warm and affectionate parents, who also provide clear rules and structure, generally argue the least. Children of authoritarian and rather unemotional parents, on the other hand, argue more - as do those of parents who give a lot of affection but raise their children without clear rules.