School - here we come!

The first day of school is a big event for all children. But it's not just the children who have a lot to think about when they start primary school - you as parents will also have a lot on your mind. Most mums and dads look forward to the start of school with mixed feelings: pride is mixed with melancholy, hopes with worries.

Your child can already do a lot

Over the past two years, kindergarten has laid important foundations to prepare your child for school. Your child has learnt to find their way in a large group and has established a variety of relationships with other children and their kindergarten teacher. In the sitting circle, he has practised listening and waiting, communicating in front of others and implementing instructions.

Through play, they were able to expand their social skills and learn to negotiate rules with other children, to stand up for their ideas, to resolve conflicts, to make up and to defend themselves when someone is mean.

Painting and craft activities have improved their fine motor skills, trained them to focus on a task over a longer period of time and to deal with frustration and displeasure. With music and movement, they were able to refine their sense of rhythm, train their memory by memorising song lyrics, strengthen their body awareness, prove their courage and internalise new movement sequences.

Don't practise numbers or letters. Use the rest of the kindergarten time to awaken curiosity and anticipation in your child.

They got used to new rituals and learnt that many things are different at kindergarten than at home. This has allowed them to grow, develop a degree of independence, take a big step out into the world and become more independent. Over the next few weeks, your child will also be prepared for the start of school.

Remain a safe harbour

As a mum or dad, you can support and accompany your child in the time ahead. The motto «Prepare, let go, stay safe harbour», which the German primary school teacher Saskia Niechzial describes in her book «Hallo Schulanfang!», can serve as a guide.

Preparation does not mean practising letters or numbers with your child in advance. Instead, use the rest of the kindergarten years to arouse your child's curiosity and anticipation:

• Practise walking to school with your child so that they can walk to school on their own from the start if possible. Conversations with classmates after school and on the way to school are key to developing friendships. If a child is brought to school by car or constantly accompanied, they are deprived of an important opportunity to socialise.
• Attend a theatre performance, visiting day or other public events at the school so that your child can see the school building.
• Make them curious about school by telling them about exciting, funny and wonderful experiences from your own school days.
• Occasionally mention what your child will learn at school and how useful this will be («Soon you'll be able to read the stories yourself!»).
• Read him books that take place at school or are about starting school.

Taking time for the school desk

The anticipation continues to grow when you buy the school supplies with your child. You will be informed in advance by the school which materials your child needs. Take a day and make the shopping experience something special.

My parents gave me the book «Steffi starts school» when I was in kindergarten. Although the start of school for my namesake in the book is associated with a few stumbling blocks, I was hooked on school ever since. I could hardly wait to finally start first grade and envied my older brother for his homework.

Today, I still like to think back to the big day when I was allowed to choose my school rucksack with my parents. They quickly decided on a pink unicorn model - with a matching gym bag and pencil case, of course. During the rest of the summer holidays, I was regularly to be found with my chest swelling with pride and my new school bag on my back - after all, a little practice couldn't hurt - until the big day finally arrived.

Practise letting go

For you as a parent, starting school once again means letting go and putting your trust in your child. That's not easy. Saskia Niechzial told us about her feelings as a mum: «The classroom door closes and I have no idea what comes next. I'm a teacher myself and have complete trust in other teachers. And yet I had the feeling with my child that I would really like to come in and sit there for two or three weeks. As parents, we have the feeling that we hand over so much when our child starts school and get so little out of it. Is my child getting on professionally? Is it making friends? Is it integrated? Does he laugh in class?»

Parents' expectations are usually based on their own school experiences. If these were negative, they see school and teachers as threatening.

She emphasises that letting go can also be work for parents. To do this, we can actively build trust in our child by realising how much we have already given them. We can think about their strengths and abilities and say to ourselves: «My child can deal with challenges.»

Perhaps we remember previous transitions such as starting nursery or kindergarten or the first overnight stay with grandparents, where it was important to let go and trust our child. The realisation that our child and we ourselves have grown can also make the next developmental step easier for us.

Check your attitude to school

When children enter a new situation, they look for orientation. The statements that parents make about school influence their perceptions and expectations. Perhaps you would like to try a little experiment: read through the following statements and listen to yourself. What resonates with you?

• The serious side of life begins with school!
• Children are no longer allowed to be children at school!
• At school, children are forced into a mould and lose their individuality.
• First we learn to speak and walk - then sit still and keep our mouths shut. That is the sad truth.
• I was also always bad at maths/German.
• Will my child find its place?
• Will the teacher be responsive enough to my child?

Today, the media and some popular experts in education paint a very negative picture of schools. What is lost is that many children enjoy going to school and most teachers are people who are able to build a good relationship with their pupils.

It is easier for parents to let go when they have a little more insight and know what is happening to their child.

If you look for faults and shortcomings in the education system and in your children's teachers, you will find many. The question is: Does this help the child to feel comfortable at school? Can a child be successful in a system that their parents despise? Can a child engage with a teacher that the parents label as incompetent?

Positive thoughts for the start of school

You can help your child by equipping their school rucksack for an adventure instead of packing it full of worries and fears. Because maybe your child will:

• Come to a wonderful teacher who will love it.
• Be interested in the subject matter and enjoy learning.
• To be proud of his first steps in the world of the greats.
• Have your strengths where you had your weaknesses.
• Have a teacher who encourages and strengthens them in case of difficulties.
• Get on better with a «difficult» teacher than you can imagine at the moment.
• Coming to a school with a pleasant atmosphere.
• Enjoying the opportunity to be with other children every day and making new friends.

We don't want to whitewash the situation - after all, we work almost exclusively with children and parents who encounter major difficulties at school. At the same time, we are impressed by the many committed teachers who engage with the children every day and support them well even in difficult phases. So much is possible when parents and school work together constructively and form a team. If you assume that the future teacher wants the best for your child and that school can be a positive place, school time will be more relaxed, enjoyable and colourful - for you, your child and the teachers.

Small insights into the school give parents security

We also experience that some teachers would prefer to keep parents as far away as possible. Usually out of fear of interference. As a teacher, it is helpful to realise that most parents' expectations are primarily based on their own school experiences. If these were negative, they perceive school and teachers as threatening. As a teacher, you can correct this by providing a little insight into the school. This will give parents a sense of security and ensure that a good relationship is established before you have to address any problems.

At this point, we would like to briefly address the teachers: It is easier for parents to let go if they are given a little more insight and know what is happening with their child. Perhaps parents can visit the school in the second or third week? Or you could use the parents' evening to explain clearly how and what the children learn and what you pay attention to, for example, to make reading and maths fun for them?

My children's teacher would occasionally send us parents a short video from the classroom. As a father, I immediately got a feel for what teaching looks like today - and that the teacher enjoys her job. Of course, she asked our permission first for data protection reasons.

«You can recharge your batteries at home»

Preparing yourself and your child for the transition and letting go is not the only thing you can do as parents. You will remain a safe haven for your child for a long time to come and can do a lot to help.

Saskia Niechzial says: «I can't protect my children from experiencing challenges - nor should I - but I remain the person they come home to. If my child has had a bad day at school, I open the door and can comfort, listen or mediate: Home is home and here you can recharge your batteries, withdraw from time to time.»

A positive learning environment is created when parents are simply there without constantly sitting by or imposing their help.

In first grade, I had the following idea: «Mum, if I'm not feeling well, I don't just come in, I ring the bell. Then you have to come to the door and say: Fabian, what's wrong? And then I'll tell you.»

How nice it is to know as a child that you can come home without fear, be comforted if you get a bad mark or have a row with classmates, feel safe and always have someone to listen.

Find out what your child needs

Most children are enthusiastic about going to school at first and are interested in their homework. How long children can maintain this interest also depends on their parents. The more you are able to engage with your child, show an interest in school and provide meaningful support with homework, the more likely it is that learning will become an enjoyable experience for the whole family.

Engaging with your child can also mean not paying too much attention to conventional advice. For example, many guides and lists of tips for starting school point out that children absolutely need a quiet place and their own desk to be able to concentrate on their work. As a result, children are given a desk in their room where they can work in peace from now on.

However, many children at this age don't like being alone. Isolated and lonely in their room, they feel uncomfortable and become fidgety. The children keep getting up and leaving the room on some pretext - to ask a question, for example - which makes the parents angry.

Create a good learning atmosphere

You can pay attention to where your child feels comfortable. Perhaps they want to do their homework alone in their room. However, they may prefer to work in the kitchen or living room while you answer your emails, cook dinner or put the dishwasher away. Allow this to happen.

Children enjoy a cosy atmosphere when learning. A positive atmosphere is created when parents are simply there without constantly sitting by or imposing their help. Bring your child something to nibble on, touch them briefly on the shoulder as you walk past, smile at them and occasionally ask an interested question about the subject matter while you are doing something of your own.

Homework is checked at school and the teacher needs feedback on how well your child has understood the material. It therefore makes sense to hold back on corrections. Many children react very sensitively when parents go looking for mistakes or come up with explanations that do not match those of the teacher. Conflicts soon arise that are more serious than a few mistakes because they increasingly damage the child's motivation to learn. If your child has not understood a task, it often makes more sense to leave the teacher a note in the homework booklet.

Book tip for the start of school

Saskia Niechzial: Hello back to school. Accompanying the transition from kindergarten to school in a relationship-orientated way. Beltz 2023, 272 pages, approx. 27 Fr.

Arriving at school anxiety-free is an experience that has a lasting impact on a child's future school journey and can make it immensely easier. It is a process over which parents have much more influence than previously assumed. The well-known educationalist and mother Saskia Niechzial supports parents in accompanying their children through kindergarten and the start of primary school in an active and relationship-orientated way, letting them go and remaining a safe haven - even in the face of headwinds and their own fears.

Welcoming your child into the adult world

Last but not least, it is helpful if you signal to your child that homework is part of the adult world and welcome them into this world. Avoid statements like «You just have to do it!». Instead, invite them to do it. Perhaps with a statement like: «Hey big guy, do you still have work to do? I want to do my emails. Shall we get started right away?»

A good start goes a long way. If difficulties arise during the school years, it is important that you get help before violent conflicts or increasingly long homework marathons undermine your relationship with your child and their motivation to learn. To this end, we have developed a free online course for parents and created a video series together with the Swiss parents' magazine Fritz+Fränzi.