Puberty: Our topic in December/January
A living room, dimmed light. Mother and son are sitting at the table. The boy raises his head tiredly and casually asks what she actually wants for Christmas. The mother thinks about it and answers unexpectedly: that he sneaks out at night, parties, fights with his parents, lets school slide, falls in love, gets his heart broken, has to be picked up drunk from the city, travels with his best friends. «I wish you could get your youth back.» The film «The Wish» by the German discount chain Penny moves millions to tears. And hits a nerve with many parents who want so much for their pubescent child to finally have the experiences that are part of growing up and that they were unable to have during the pandemic.
Who am I? Where is my place in the world? Why are my feelings going crazy? Puberty is a time of many questions for young people. And of being constantly overwhelmed. The brain and body undergo fundamental changes and are in a state of emergency. What do you do when school is stressful, your body feels strange and your parents are just annoying? The answer for many young people on their way to adulthood is to set themselves apart. Make plans. Going over the top. Falling in love for the first time. Travelling, being free.
Young people are the losers of the pandemic. Contact restrictions, an unhealthy diet, too little exercise and too much media time have taken their toll on young people in recent months. Many are talking about lost time, feeling chafed, lonely and misunderstood. «The pandemic has been the worst time in my life so far,» says 16-year-old Nadja Bader in our «Puberty» dossier. The time at home with her parents and siblings was stressful, «I was often sad, but also outraged and angry».
Puberty is the final phase of self-discovery for parents and children - even without a pandemic. «Puberty starts when parents become difficult.» As the father of two early pubescent children (12 and 10), this sentence makes me smile. When I kindly ask them to put their sports kit in the laundry basket, I get the reply: «If it bothers you, you can put it away yourself.» If I firmly demand that the tablet be put away immediately, a veritable outburst of anger follows («you're so stupid»), accompanied by door-slamming.
Puberty is when you ponder and don't know what to ...
Klaus Klages, German philosopher of utility, satirist and writer of aphorisms
The comforting news is that the vast majority of teenagers get through puberty with little or no difficulty, even when a virus called corona is raging. And when things start to grate between me and my pubescents, I stick to Jesper Juul, who once gave us parents the following advice: «Stop worrying. Enjoy your children. And take comfort in the thought that even if they go through stormy times and painful experiences, children still need you.»
With this in mind - be a reliable companion for your child. And get through these special times well yourself. Strong children need strong parents. I wish you carefree days and an extra portion of confidence.
Sincerely,
Your Nik Niethammer
