Do teenagers have to slam doors?
If puberty were a sound, it would be the slamming of a door. This piercing, banging sound - an unmistakable mix of indifference and frustration - forms the soundtrack to a never-ending phase that all parents of teenagers are probably familiar with.
Door-breaking is the language of the otherwise rather taciturn pubescent. He uses it to say such nuanced things as «Leave me alone», «You don't understand me» or «Everyone else is allowed to do that».
What the pubescent doesn't know or only dimly realises is that the bang penetrates directly into the innermost chamber of the parent's heart and leaves behind a terrible emotional chaos of inability, anger, rejection and failure. «I've done everything wrong», you think, «Are other children like this too?» you ask yourself. And sometimes, really only sometimes, but you know what I'm talking about, you also think: «Why did I have children?»
I've heard this reproachful banging so often, but I've never really got used to it.
By the way, you never think what you say to other parents whose teenagers bang doors: «It's not so bad, we were young once too.»
I've heard this reproachful banging so often and yet I've never really got used to it. Each time it hits me with a fierceness as if someone had punched me in the face, no, worse: as if someone was questioning my whole person.
I have seriously considered taking the doors of the children's rooms off their hinges several times, simply to stop them banging. But then I decided against it, because otherwise the booming basses from the teenagers' room would come crashing into our lives unfiltered.
Of course, I realise that young people need this form of physical demarcation in order to define their own individuality. They don't do it to annoy us, but to feel themselves. But can't it be done a little more quietly?
My advice to all teenagers is this: leave your parents alone and be rebellious against everyone else!
I often think of Lisa Stansfield, the British pop singer («Been around the world and I, I, I... I can't find my baby»), whom I had the honour of interviewing a few years ago. We were talking about this and that and for some reason we suddenly ended up talking about her close relationship with her parents. This dialogue then developed:
«Have you ever rebelled against your parents?» I asked. «It's not that we didn't have any conflicts,» she replied, «but I was lucky enough in life not only to respect my parents, but also to really appreciate them.»
At that moment, I moved closer to the table in excitement and knocked over the coffee cup. «You've never banged the door?» I asked incredulously as I put the cup back up and wiped the coffee off the table with a makeshift napkin. «Maybe so,» she said calmly, «but never at home, more at school. I wanted to set myself apart there. My advice to all teenagers is this: leave your parents alone and be rebellious against everyone else!»
Oh, if only all young people could be a bit like Lisa Stansfield.
