Help without a reminder
Parents and teachers of children with behavioural problems often reach their limits. A so-called multifamily group offers support. Three school psychologists give an insight into their work with a group in Zurich.
It's an early Thursday evening in a primary school in Zurich. The building is quiet, only one classroom is still busy. Eight children and their parents are meeting - as they do every week - with school psychologists Catrina Hew, Maja Breitenmoser and Sonja Gassmann. Most of these children are at risk of being excluded from mainstream school. Some of them disrupt lessons every day, are loud, fidgety and impulsive, others throw tantrums, get into conflict with classmates and teachers and refuse to co-operate. Still others are so clingy and dependent that the teachers can hardly concentrate on the class.
Parents are familiar with many of these problems from their own everyday family life. However, they often feel left alone. They hardly have anyone they can talk to about their child's difficulties and all the negative feedback from school. Here in the multifamily group, they find a place where they can tackle these problems - together with other families and professional support from three therapeutically trained school psychologists. The aim is to improve the school situation of affected children by facilitating co-operation between parents and teachers and relieving the burden on teachers. The group is also intended to help mothers and fathers strengthen their parenting skills and their bond with their child.
From working against each other to working together: the school window
A short mindfulness exercise heralds the start of the evening. Everyone listens to a gong together until it has faded away. Some children slide around restlessly on their chairs, one giggles - but it is precisely these rituals that provide security.
In the multifamily group, parents and children find a place where they can tackle problems together.
Now that things are a little quieter, it's time for the «school window»: as every week, the teachers of the participating children have told the group leaders in advance what was particularly enjoyable or difficult about working with the respective child last week and how the school reacted to this. The children and parents now take it in turns to listen to this feedback and are pleased with the recognition and applause from the group for the successes. With regard to the difficult moments, everyone thinks together about what could help the child concerned to react differently in future.
«It is very important for teachers of children with difficult behaviour to feel that the family is also doing something,» says Catrina Hew. «The weekly feedback from the school gets the communication rolling again and creates new trust between parents and the school. The teachers feel supported and often have more patience and perseverance with the children as a result.»
The group leaders moderate communication on both sides. They help parents to accept the school's feedback without rushing into a defensive posture or freezing up in shame. The group also has a supportive effect here. «I thought my child was the worst in the whole school,» says one mother. «Here I can see that there are other families who feel the same way.» At the same time, the school psychologists advise the teachers on how to deal with the children's problems and how to communicate more constructively with the parents.
Creating beautiful moments
After a relaxing group game, parents and children can look forward to some quality time together: sometimes they decorate biscuits together, other times mum or dad hides under a blanket with their child and reads them a story by torchlight. In many families, such moments have been lost due to a variety of problems. For some parents, it is also new and unfamiliar to allow closeness to the child and to be with them without constantly intervening to correct and educate them. Later, the parents often say that they have taken up these activities again at home, and some even bring photos of them.
For some parents, it is new and unfamiliar to allow closeness to the child without constantly intervening to correct and educate.
While the children rush outside with an accompanying person after the relationship time, the parents move closer together for the exchange session. «Parents usually bring up their children the way they were brought up, or try to do everything completely differently to how they experienced it themselves,» explains school psychologist Hew. Reflecting together and learning from each other is therefore very important in the group. Today, the topic of scolding is on the programme. The mums and dads talk about how they were brought up and how this influenced them: Were they often scolded? How did it make them feel? To what extent did this help them to change their behaviour?
Meanwhile, the children gather outside. From a pile of pictures, they are allowed to choose one that shows how they feel when mum or dad scolds them. The parents are later given the task of guessing: Which picture did my child choose and why? «It gets the parents thinking: how do you think my child feels when I'm constantly scolding them?» says group leader Maja Breitenmoser. One mum is irritated by her daughter's choice of picture: it shows a window. «When mummy scolds me, it's like she's about to throw me out of the window,» explains the daughter.
Multifamily work - rituals for everyday life
The theory and technique of multifamily work (MFA) are mainly based on the principles of systemic counselling and therapy, supplemented by elements of depth psychology. In a group, it is possible to work on school and family problems in a more differentiated way, as the members of the other families bring in new and different perspectives. This is especially true if they are struggling with similar difficulties.
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An innovative form of MFA is the family classroom or a multifamily group at school. Here, behavioural and learning problems are addressed first and foremost. The aim is for children who have difficulties at school due to their behaviour to learn how to cope with everyday school life. The core elements are strengthening the parent-child relationship, promoting parental parenting skills and improving communication both within the family and with the school.
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In some schools - such as the primary school in Zurich described above - psychotherapeutically trained specialists work with parents and children and liaise closely with the teachers. Elsewhere, a teacher teaches six to ten pupils for half a day a week in the presence of a parent. In addition to the teacher, there are two MFA coaches in the classroom who work with the parents and extend the lessons with typical exercises from the multifamily work. Sometimes the group meetings take place in the late afternoon, early evening or on Saturday mornings so that working parents can also take part.
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More information is available at: www.multifamilienarbeit.ch
The group as a resource
he group not only reflects, but also practises how to react in difficult situations. When a child doesn't want to take part in an exercise and throws a tantrum, his mother freezes. She is embarrassed that her child has snapped like that. Instead of leaving her alone or intervening as a leader, the group is mobilised. «This is a difficult situation,» says Sonja Gassmann - and asks the group: «What could help now?» Children and adults think along and generate ideas, sometimes one of the leaders whispers to the overwhelmed parent what he or she could do now.
«We are a laboratory in which families can experiment and learn - and experience an appreciation that is not tied to conditions. We see disruption as an opportunity,» summarises Breitenmoser. «We want to help each other lovingly when things get difficult. This includes the attitude that we genuinely like all the families involved and assume that they all want to do well.» This attitude is also clearly evident to the visitors that evening.
