«Our daughter storms into the house and screams or cries»

For many parents of children with ADHD, the afternoon after school is a challenging time. The tension of the day often spills over into anger or frustration. This is also the case for a family whose eight-year-old daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD for ten months.

The girl finds it difficult to concentrate and is often exhausted and overwhelmed after school. This leads to emotional outbursts and difficult situations in everyday family life. The mother seeks support to help her cope better with these daily challenges.

Mum: Hello, I don't know what to do. Our daughter Mia comes home and it escalates almost daily. I'm exhausted and don't know how much longer I can keep it up.

Counsellor: That sounds stressful. It must be very challenging to deal with these constant conflicts. How about we take a look at what exactly happens when Mia comes home? Maybe together we can find ways to make these transitions a little more relaxed for everyone.

Whether I talk to my daughter or leave her alone - it makes no difference.

Mother

Mum: Yes, of course. She often storms into the house, throws her rucksack on the floor, shouts that she's hungry or that everything is unfair. Sometimes she cries, sometimes she just gets loud. I never know what to do. Sometimes I try to talk to her, sometimes I leave her alone - but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I feel helpless and overwhelmed.

Counsellor: I can well understand how difficult that must be for you. Children with ADHD often experience intense pressure at school that needs to be relieved at home. This release of emotions is a way for the child to let go of the tension. At the same time, it is a challenge for the parents to remain stable and calm.

It is important to create a separation between school and leisure time. A clear transition helps with this.

Counsellor

Mum: But how can I absorb that without sinking myself?

Counsellor: A clear transition from school to home can be very helpful here. If Mia is given some time to herself after school to calm down - whether that means spending 15 minutes outside, listening to a calming story or having a snack - it helps to reduce the excess energy and collect herself.

Mum: So don't talk about homework or the day straight away?

Counsellor: Exactly. It's important to create a separation between school and leisure time. Children with ADHD find it difficult to concentrate immediately on new tasks if they are still struggling with the emotions of the school day. A short break helps so that your daughter can tackle the next tasks with more energy and concentration.

Mum: And what if she gets angry anyway?

Counsellor: When Mia gets angry at times like this, it's important that you remain calm and stable. Children need guidance in such situations and it helps to recognise their feelings without reinforcing them. You could say: «I can see that you are very upset right now. It's okay to have these feelings. I'm here to help you when you're ready to calm down.» This form of recognising the emotion without direct reinforcement gives the child the opportunity to self-regulate while freeing themselves from the strong emotion.

Mum: But sometimes I lose my patience. Then I get loud or withdraw. Then I have a guilty conscience.

Counsellor: This is completely normal and happens to many parents. Nobody can always remain calm, especially when you reach your own limits. But it's important that you don't judge yourself. If you realise that the situation is getting too much, it's perfectly okay to take a short break. This will help you to regain your composure and you will then be able to respond to your daughter more calmly and clearly.

Mum: I will try. It's good to hear that there are ways in which we can both support each other better. But I often feel alone with all of this.

Small adjustments in everyday life can often have a big impact.

Counsellor

Counsellor: You are not alone. Talking to other parents can be very supportive. Perhaps a discussion group would be helpful for you to share experiences and gain new perspectives. It helps many parents not to feel overwhelmed and to find solutions. Your partner or a family member can also be a valuable source of support.

Mum: My husband works a lot, but maybe we can coordinate better so that he takes on more in the evenings.

Counsellor: That sounds like a very good plan. Small adjustments in everyday life can often have a big impact. If you coordinate well, everyday life will be easier to manage. Remember: it's perfectly okay to get support when things get too much. How are you feeling now? I hope that together we have found a few ideas and perspectives that have brought you some clarity and relief. If you still need support or would simply like to have a chat, please get in touch with us at any time. We are here for you.