«My children are not afraid to show their compassion»

"Without empathy, there would be no success in my job. I work in a café that looks after homeless people and addicts. Dealing with the people I have to deal with there is sometimes delicate. The mood can quickly change, some become aggressive, others depressed. They don't always treat each other with respect.

Without empathy for the background of these people, it is impossible to understand their behaviour. But only if I show them understanding will they open up and I can support them. You don't finish a job like this as soon as the service is over. The stories also stay with me when I go home. My faith and the thought of Jesus and his love for my neighbour often help me.

My children grow up knowing that their mother cares for people who need compassion. That shapes them.

My two children know where I work. They've never been there, of course, and that's forbidden. I don't tell them any details either. But they are growing up knowing that their mother looks after strangers who need compassion and help. That visibly shapes them. What's more, my ex-husband is a psychologist and works with children as a teacher. We are in agreement and on the same page when it comes to «educating children to be more compassionate».

Contrary to the cliché, Jordan, my eight-year-old son, is more sensitive than his big sister. He's not a loud boy who wants to save the world. But he recognises small changes in mood quickly and has a good eye for others. He acts with small gestures, stands close to someone, shows solidarity. He also has very fine antennae for the suffering of animals.

My granddaughter has a pragmatic approach to social interaction. Many people hesitate to follow their empathic reflex and ask a stranger if they are okay or if they need help. Zoe has no fear of contact and is not afraid to offer help to other children. She trained as a conflict mediator at school. You first have to apply for this position and then the class selects those who are deemed to have a sufficient sense of justice.

Zoe is not an angel at all, not particularly well-behaved. But she doesn't accept injustice. If someone is being teased, she steps in. She has already realised what I only learned as an adult. I can't save people's lives with my empathy alone. Zoe says: «I can only help those who accept my help. I can only resolve a conflict if the people in conflict want to get along.» I believe that this attitude is helpful. Too much compassion can also paralyse you."