Muscles, mackers and Maseratis
Ben wants muscles now. No sooner had he shot past me like a New Year's Eve rocket than he declared war on his natural transformation from a boy to a long leek. He probably couldn't do much about «long» - but he could do a lot about skinny! He said: «Mum, I don't want to be a skinny bitch anymore!» Gone are Ben's boyish choir voice, cuddles and snacks on Wednesday and Vampire Diaries with mum on the sofa.
There are now trainers the size of cruise ships outside my door and four types of protein powder on my kitchen shelf. The fridge is stacked with full-fat quark, eggs and avocados. While Ben's older brother, who at least according to his ID is an adult, continues to inhale children's bars and jelly babies as if he wants to become the youngest member of the obesity centre as soon as possible, Ben now scans nutrients: proteins, vitamins and fibre. He hangs out with his mates in the gym every third evening and wants to become very strong and very muscular very soon. Especially stronger than his big brother.
I ask Ben who his strong, muscular role model actually is. He sends me the answer via Insta-film. We often send each other little films like this. I send him hidden, educational messages that are more likely to get through to him than my analogue nagging. Desperate mothers of teenagers who caricature everyday scenes with their sons in a pretty funny way.
Ben sends me clips from the animal kingdom in reverse. This time it's not directly about penguins or primates. Nevertheless, the behaviour of the guy in the gym with the polished skull and Ray-Ban looks like a live broadcast from the gorilla enclosure.
Questionable role model
The protagonist has a pronounced frown line, his look and tone are as angry as his background sound, which is reminiscent of a chainsaw massacre. The man's «message» matches his mackerel-like appearance: «If you're a young man or a teenager, and unless bacteria have just destroyed your eyesight or you've lost both legs in an accident and still wake up with depression: then you're just an idiot!»
Upsi. Who's that supposed to be?" I ask Ben. Let him follow the Klum husband's twin, Ricardo Simonetti or some other cutie with pink fingernails who makes the world a bit more colourful. But this one?
Ben's new role model is called Andrew Tate. He is considered a misogynistic, macho man who glorifies violence and is allegedly charged with rape. He of all people is spreading «life advice» for young men on the internet. Behind the message is presumably a message of encouragement for male teenagers who can still see and walk, who should be made aware of the privileged nature of their pure, young, testosterone-boosting existence. But what about all those who are really mentally ill or unstable - who really suffer from depression?
Meanwhile, Tate continues to drum his fists on his tattooed chest and attracts teenagers like moths to a flame with his gorilla noises. In recent years, Tate has indoctrinated millions of young men via Insta and TikTok, calling himself the «king of toxic masculinity» and presenting masculinity between rage and washboard abs as a borderline anachronism. An image of a man that I would rather place in the zoo or the past.
He preaches to boys like Ben that they have to grow up to be strong, muscular and rich and own fat cars with maximum emissions. That they shouldn't cry and that they shouldn't take women so seriously, but rather «just take them».
Muscles as rebellion
«So, what exactly do you like about it now, Ben?» I ask my son. «Why?» says Ben. «He's got a six-pack, a Lambo and a Maserati! He's also really rich! I also think he's kind of right.» Then Ben laughs. Because he's somehow embarrassed to defend this guy? Or is he trying to provoke me because he knows that someone like Tate embodies the opposite of what I could call a male role model?
Two years ago, I would have easily talked him out of it. Now Ben follows Mackern with muscles and Maseratis. Help! Is the exaggerated cult of masculinity to be understood as a kind of counter-trend to the LGBTQ movement, which embodies the open diversity that is now part of the tolerant, politically correct world view at humanist grammar schools?
Ben's grade point average has fallen by 1.5 grade points in correlation with the growth of his muscles.
Sure, I also know mums whose boys wear make-up and clothes for which gender doesn't matter. Another mum of one of Ben's mates is freaking out with worry because her son has been talking and looking like something from the Berlin gangster series «4 Blocks» ever since he was kicked out of secondary school. I'm probably lucky compared to that.
The more brawn, the less brain
Ben shows me other «manfluencers» who fulfil every cliché with their muscular masculinity. Their topics, invariably presented with a big mouth, revolve around appearance, nutrition and bodybuilding, all too often confusing the ideal of the perfectly defined male body with that of a perfect man.
Ben has recently started spending all his pocket money on whey powder, talking shop with his mates about creatine and keto and reading all about protein powder on Insta. Ben's grade point average (until recently he was an A student!) has dropped by 1.5 grade points in correlation to the growth of his muscles. It confirms my age-old prejudice: the more brawn - the less brain. Which, admittedly, feels a bit outdated since Ryan Gosling. But in my childhood there was only Rambo and Rocky, so I was more like Team Daniel Day-Lewis.
It's hard for adolescent boys that they too are now subject to the perfect body hype that has always made life difficult for girls. My Ben, a lanky stalk in the wind, is still thinking about which direction he should continue to grow in, while he is told daily on Insta what a real man should look like, think like and now even smell like!
The fragrance fluencer
Now he also follows self-appointed fragrance gurus, including one Max Aoud, who recently rated Ben's new perfume «Le Beau» by «Gaultier» in a TikTok clip. Aoud pronounced the name of the fragrance «LöBö» instead of «LeBo» around 30 times in a row, which I have to admit I found really funny: How can you name fragrances that you introduce every day so incorrectly?
Ben defended the man, saying that he was a fragrance fluencer and not a language teacher! He later exchanged the scent because Max didn't like «LöBö» so much. When I started grumbling about it, Ben said: «Mum, how are you even going to compete with 180K followers?» Yes. I ask myself the same thing.
