Living with ADHD

Michael was diagnosed with ADHD in Year 1. He took Ritalin for five years. He did not receive any therapy as he did not have any further problems apart from those at school. From Year 6 onwards, Michael refused both medication and psychological support. He is now in the 8th remedial class (small class) and will move to a public school this autumn in order to achieve a school-leaving certificate after all.

"I feel like a totally normal boy. I have a large circle of colleagues, but unfortunately they're all busy with school, homework or clubs. That's why I rarely get to meet up with them. I have two afternoons off when my colleagues have to go to school. I usually spend these afternoons playing online games. My favourite games are team games like Battlefield or GTA 5 with my online friends. I now also have a large circle of friends online. I also enjoy swimming, cycling to friends' houses and playing football with them. School is very exhausting and frustrating. But it was important to me that I could go to school with my colleagues from the neighbourhood. I struggle to stay on task.

I'm fine. Why should I go to a psychologist?

In housekeeping, for example, we have to share kitchen appliances or materials. So if I have to go to a colleague to pick up the material or appliance because of my task and then return to my workplace, I no longer know where I was in my task. The teacher has often been quite exasperated.

I really enjoy science. I was allowed to take this subject in the progymnasium class for six months. I understand everything, but I can't put it down on paper afterwards. My parents wanted to send me to a public school in year 5.

I didn't want that. But the special class is not for me. My classmates there are slow and unfocussed like me. My goal was to move up and graduate from secondary school. But that doesn't work in this class. From the autumn, I'm going to a public school after all. There are also a lot of hyperactive pupils like me there, but the atmosphere is completely different.

I don't concentrate on the essentials during exams.

I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning because I can't get to sleep at night, so I'm often late for school. I can now make up for lost time by cycling to school. My teachers and my mum keep telling me that I should try medication or see a psychologist. I don't want to do that. I took medication for a while. They made me very slow, which I didn't like at all, and I wasn't hungry any more. As I've always been one of the smallest in the class, I didn't want to take the medication any more so that I could finally grow. Since I'm fine, I don't see why I should go to a psychologist."

Laura was diagnosed with ADHD in Year 1. She took Ritalin for several years but, together with her brother, decided not to use medication or psychological support. She is now in year 7 of secondary school, has good grades and dreams of attending secondary school.

"At school, I'm often distracted by the simplest things, for example what's happening outside the window or what my classmates are doing, what they're watching, what they're writing. During exams, I don't concentrate on the essentials, i.e. on writing the exam, but on what's going on around me. So I often forget the time - and then I have to hand in the exam. This doesn't just happen to me at school, but also with my friends.

We often agree to wait for each other in certain places after school. But I often forget that, so I try to clarify it with them. Sometimes I also promise them that I'll copy something for them. But even this «reminder» is often quickly put out of my mind. I only realise when it's too late. In my free time with my friends, it sometimes happens that I suddenly get an «energy shock» and stand up or jump up. I then hope that I get a positive reaction from my friends. They usually react kindly and ask me to stop. Sometimes I take it to extremes and then I get into trouble. Sometimes I don't even intend this behaviour, I don't want a reaction or response from them. Then I feel as if the others aren't doing anything and are just standing around. I always have arguments with my friends about this.

When we sit at the table with the family and talk or eat, I find it difficult to just sit there and do nothing, to listen to the others. But I have been able to overcome this weakness and am increasingly able to keep quiet at the table, but also with friends or at school. I took medication from the beginning of Year 1 until Year 4, but it didn't always work for everything. My tantrums led to some embarrassing moments with my friends. For example, I had such a violent tantrum at my birthday party and I screamed so much that we had to stop playing. I couldn't stop crying and screaming, even though my mum tried to calm me down. I had these tantrums for a long time. I couldn't calm myself down or be comforted by others. My friends hardly wanted to come to me in the years that followed. I didn't find that the medication could help me with these emotional outbursts. So I wanted to learn to control myself."

Monia is in Year 3 at grammar school. She has never been diagnosed with ADHD as there were no problems at school.

«How do I perceive my siblings? Annoying, loud, cheeky, messy. But also as lovely siblings, funny, hard-working and full of energy. But to really describe my perception of my brother and sister, I have to differentiate. Because they are like night and day. Totally different - and yet they share certain behaviour and character traits.

When I was younger, I didn't really understand what exactly ADHD was. I knew that my brother was hyperactive. I didn't directly perceive my sister as hyperactive, but rather as "annoying in spurts». I only really realised all the problems they had at school over time. Before that, I thought that not being able to sit still and problems with concentration were part of their personality and not a «disorder».

My brother could be an example case in a book looking up hyperactivity. He never sits at the dinner table for long, «hobbles» back and forth, sometimes has problems controlling his mouth and generally scrutinising impulses and stopping them in time. It is precisely this mouth and his unchecked impulses that often lead to arguments and frayed nerves among us siblings. It's not for nothing that he was nicknamed JoJo in the Scouts. He bounces back and forth like a toy. If you don't guide him with the right hand gesture, he'll go anywhere but the way you want him to. My sister, on the other hand, is almost calm again. She also «hibbles» sometimes, but she can sit at the table and talk to us for longer. If she has a goal in mind, there's nothing that can stop her. Whether it's saving up for something, studying for an exam or making something for her loved ones. However, she likes to daydream and needs several reminders and prompts to get things done.

I thought all the problems were part of her personality and not a disorder

My brother is very polite and very loyal to his parents and teachers. He doesn't have many hobbies, but the ones he does have he pursues with great passion and is highly motivated by them. If there was a school for gaming, he would graduate with top grades and really study for it. He's not stupid or dumb. But I think he's just not interested in the «normal» school subjects. And why should you make an effort for something you don't want to learn?

My sister, however, has constantly changing interests. Ballet, football, athletics, basketball, horse riding ... She changes her interests like her clothes. At the beginning she is always very motivated, but over time this fades and she stops doing it. But she is quite motivated for school, and even if there are days when learning is secondary, she really tries hard for school.

I would say that I have a good relationship with my siblings. As a person who needs a lot of time alone, Michael and Laura often seem «overwhelming» to me. But I make time for them when they have problems or when my guilty conscience catches up with me. I'm looking forward to seeing how my brother gets his act together at school and how my sister will decide when it comes to choosing a career."