Let's talk about porn literacy!

My father used to secretly buy magazines with, shall we say, racy pictures. When I was eleven or twelve, I would regularly go looking for them. No hiding place, no matter how clever, was safe from me. I tracked them down in all their hiding places because I wanted to see them. The internet didn't exist yet.

Today, even very young children are coming across explicit images on smartphones and computers, as second and third graders have confided to me in my workshops. Generally, they stumble across them while doing harmless internet research – unplanned and rather by chance.

The fear of having their devices taken away prevents many children from turning to their parents.

Most are frightened and instinctively click away. Or they delete the images that friends have sent them. The fear of having their devices taken away prevents them from turning to their parents. As a result, they are often left alone with their discomfort and feelings of being overwhelmed.

It is completely normal for children to become interested in such topics when they reach puberty. Nevertheless, we must not leave them to their own devices from the outset. Preventive discussions today are less dependent on age and maturity and more on internet access and ownership of personal devices. Children who have their own mobile phone at around the age of eight need to know how to react without fear. It is our responsibility as adults to help children classify and understand what they see.

Enlightenment is necessary

In academia, the term «porn literacy» has now become established. Admittedly, the expression sounds rather obscure. But it pursues a positive approach, which is all the more necessary given that research has long emphasised the negative effects of porn consumption on young people.

For example, that the acrobatic copulation performances of professional actors could be confusing and convey a completely distorted image of sexuality and relationships. Or that they promote unrealistic expectations of one's own body. The media, in turn, played up the danger of porn addiction among young people and fuelled massive fears among parents.

Young people need to know that pornography is a staged representation of sexuality that they should not use as a benchmark.

These risks undoubtedly exist. However, neither blind bans nor restrictive device settings have been able to fundamentally change this situation so far. Porn literacy offers a real opportunity to protect children and young people aged ten to twelve and above – if we understand it correctly: as a modern form of sex education in the internet age and as an integral part of media literacy.

What does the term mean?

Media psychologist Nicola Döring defined the term a few years ago as follows: «Instead of conceptualising individuals as passive victims of the overwhelming effects of pornography, it is proposed that they be viewed from a media and communication science perspective as active users and creators of sexually explicit media content.» To this end, the professor at the Technical University of Ilmenau (Germany) developed a model with the categories of media studies, metacommunication and self-reflection.

In short, young people should be empowered to critically assess pornographic subjects. They should recognise that these are staged representations of sexuality. Extremely oversized breasts and penises convey false body ideals and should not be used as a benchmark by which young people measure themselves or which makes them feel insecure.

Porn literacy also helps children and young people to better process disturbing images and to turn to their parents with questions in a trusting and fear-free manner. It also supports adolescents in their search for sexual identity and self-determination. And it emphasises how important it is to set boundaries – and that no always means no.

Find your own way of dealing with it

Porn literacy therefore helps children and young people learn how to use these media responsibly. If we do not provide them with guidance on sexual topics, they will not necessarily find the right answers on the internet alone.

For media psychologist Döring, in addition to the competent evaluation and use of pornography, there is another aspect: its design, which goes beyond mere consumption. This is not a call to produce pornographic content yourself, but rather a reference to reality.

After all, there is hardly a school where nude photos of a student are not circulating. In most cases, they were taken in the belief that only the intended recipient would see them. If these photos end up in a class chat, it is not only the sender who finds herself in serious trouble.    

Difficult conversations

Of course, discussions about such topics are not easy. Children also find it difficult to talk to their parents about these matters because they do not see themselves as sexual beings. An example from everyday parenting shows how misunderstandings can arise in such conversations. For example, when a twelve-year-old daughter wants to go to a party wearing a crop top and a very short skirt.

From an adult's protective perspective, this is too provocative. They don't want anything to happen to their child. For the teenager, however, it's different. For her, her outfit is completely normal; after all, her friends dress the same way. She finds terms like «sexy» completely out of place and feels delegitimised in her desire to belong. But how can we talk about sensitive topics like sex?

Sex educator and cultural scientist Madita Oeming advises having «lots of mini-talks instead of one big conversation.» In her new book, Aufgeklärt statt aufgeregt (Enlightened Instead of Excited), she offers a highly recommended insight into the subject. Right at the beginning, however, she makes it clear: "This book is not a feel-good book, but takes you into various uncomfortable corners of the digital everyday life of teenagers, which we would otherwise prefer to avoid."  

Oeming also talks about the concept of «digisexuality» when the internet becomes a «sexual experience space» for young people. With its thematic diversity, numerous lists, reading tips and calm tone, the book is an excellent introduction to the topic.