Lawnmower and curling parents: Which type are you?

Tock, tock, tock, it knocked on my friend's window. A raven was sitting on the other side of the pane. A chill ran down her spine. The day before, she had found a baby raven in the garden and had taken it in to nurse it up. She quickly took it back out to its parents, who immediately took care of their little one again. They were real raven parents.

This story happened many years ago, but I will never forget it. Raven parents wrongly have a bad reputation. Nevertheless, we take them as a symbol for human parents who look after their children badly.

Dolphin parents create a balance between loving care and clear rules.

There is hardly any other group of people who are so relentlessly pigeonholed as parents. No matter what they do or don't do, they are labelled for it. We find suitable names for their inadequate parenting styles, such as helicopter, curling or tiger parents, as well as exotic ones like lawnmower and submarine parents. There is even a name for «perfect» parents: they are called dolphin parents.

They create a balance between loving care and clear rules. They create a harmonious environment for their children so that they grow up to be self-confident and resilient personalities. Don't we all want to be dolphin parents?

When I think more closely about the parenting labels mentioned above, I discover something of my own parenting style in each one. Instead of being ashamed of it, I'm proud - because I judge them from my very own perspective. Let's take a look at the five most common models.

1. the helicopter parents

The best-known category is probably that of so-called helicopter parents. Such mothers or fathers are supposedly overprotective and constantly watch over their children to protect them from any possible danger, frustration or failure. They hover over their offspring like a helicopter.

You could also look at it another way. Helicopters do not usually fly after a person all the time. Their deployment is targeted, practical and rarely unnecessary. Imagine REGA (Swiss Air-Rescue) in the Alps - what a mess there would be if they hovered over every daredevil skier as a precaution!

Real helicopter parents confidently send their children on all kinds of adventures and keep an eye on things from afar. Only when an incident occurs that cannot be dealt with on site do they come and help their child out of trouble. The teenage daughter has missed the last night bus and is standing alone at the station at one o'clock in the morning? Of course I'll pick her up.

2. the curling parents

And what about curling parents? A teacher friend recently taught me this expression. Can you see in your mind's eye how mum and dad «scramble» frantically in front of the curling stone so that it glides perfectly and comes to rest in exactly the right place? A good example of ridiculously overzealous parents, isn't it?

I see a real tiger mum differently: she provides care as well as protection.

Some parents overdo it when they try to optimise their child's career down to the last detail. Sometimes, however, life with children is like a game of curling. Then there's no shame in «sweeping», because curling is a team sport after all. Imagine if the «sweepers» left the stone halfway down the track.

When parents spend hours sewing a costume for the school theatre and practise the lines with their child until midnight, they can also be curlingly happy about the little moment of glory at the performance.

3. the tiger mother

Then we have the tiger parents. The term «Tiger Mother» originally comes from Amy Chua's book «The Mother of Success: How I Taught My Children to Win» (2011).

In it, she describes her strict parenting style, with which she drove her daughters to outstanding academic and musical achievements through iron discipline, daily, hour-long practice sessions and high expectations. The emergence of the concept of the tiger mother also triggered the invention of the dolphin parents mentioned above - as a gentle counter-image.

For me, however, a real tiger mum is something completely different. Tiger mums are perfect parents. They provide care as well as protection. They know exactly when the right moment has come to leave their cubs to their own devices.

When my 16-year-old daughter was photographed by a stranger on the street in Paris last year, I ran after him and forced him to delete all the pictures immediately. Afterwards, adrenalin was pumping through my veins and I felt like a strong mother tiger protecting her cub.

4. lawnmower parents

I have less of a problem with lawnmower parents. That's because I prefer to spend my time in wild gardens rather than on short-cut lawns - unless I'm going to the swimming pool. Generally speaking, however, I find this type of preparation for children harmless.

For my daughter, who suffers from allergies, I would also mow a path through the meadow to make it easier for her to breathe.

Even if it is said that lawnmower parents clear all obstacles out of their children's way. Grass that is too long hardly symbolises this. What's more, I would also mow a path through the meadow for my daughter , who suffers from allergies, to make it a little easier for her to breathe. So maybe there is a little bit of lawnmower mum in me after all?

5. submarine parents

The term «submarine parents» seems to originate entirely from the school context. It describes mothers and fathers who largely withdraw from their children's school and social life and barely make an appearance.

They allegedly avoid parents' evenings and rarely communicate with teachers. They are often absent from school events. Only when serious problems arise do they suddenly «appear» and often react with harsh criticism or threaten to take legal action against the school or teachers.

For me, submarine parents radiate something mysterious. Maybe they are travelling on secret missions to save the world - who knows? Or maybe they belong to the drug mafia. In any case, it seems better not to get involved with them. There is a lot of explosive material in them, which they sometimes detonate for the good of their children.

I'm definitely not one of those submarine parents. A pity, really.