«In anger, parents no longer see their child»
Violence in parenting is still part of everyday life for many children. Regula Bernhard Hug, Managing Director of Child Protection Switzerland, talks about the influence of a legal basis for child protection, when scolding becomes psychological violence and what parents can do about it.
Mrs Bernhard Hug, what is the state of child protection in Switzerland?
This is the sixth time we have commissioned a study on the punitive behaviour of parents in parenting. Unfortunately, the figures have not changed. Over 20 per cent of the parents surveyed regularly use psychological violence. This includes hurting children with words or calling them violent names, threatening to hit them or verbally humiliating them.
Just under 40 per cent of parents surveyed use physical violence at home, six per cent of them regularly. Severe violence, on the other hand, as we know from the child protection statistics of the hospitals, has actually increased. The study on punishment behaviour is based on a parent survey and does not record such severe violence.
How do you explain these stagnating figures?
We have suffered a setback due to the coronavirus pandemic. Before the pandemic, the use of violence was on the decline. People were aware of our campaigns and the numbers were falling. Economic and health pressures and living in cramped conditions increase the risk of violence. During the Covid measures, the numbers therefore rose sharply again, cancelling out the progress we had made before the pandemic.
The closure of the schools was problematic?
This was very dangerous for many children. All the risk factors were accumulated. With the closure, no one could see inside the families any more. Violence runs through all social classes. It's not a lower-class issue, even if poverty is one of several risk factors. We were therefore the first to warn against it and demand the immediate reopening of the schools.
Psychological violence is more difficult for many parents to recognise than physical violence.
What makes you feel positive?
Firstly, 98 per cent of parents surveyed are in favour of a non-violent upbringing. They want this, even if they do not always succeed. The parents surveyed are also convinced that legalisation would help to raise children without violence. Which brings me to my second point: The Federal Council's proposed solution for such a law is already in the consultation process, which we are very pleased about. Yvonne Feri, President of the Board of Trustees of Child Protection Switzerland, submitted a motion to parliament back in 2013. Our tireless efforts are now paying off.
What influence does a law have on child protection?
It is a strong signal for the children. If the law is rejected, the message is: you can slap your child, pull their hair or swear at them violently, that's okay and socially acceptable. With the law, non-violent parenting becomes normal and such behaviour is no longer tolerated. The effect of such a law can also be proven with figures. In countries that have introduced a law on non-violent parenting, which is also accompanied by awareness-raising campaigns, there has been a significant reduction in violence against children.
When does swearing become psychological violence? Do you have an example of this?
It is understandable that parents can get angry when they are stressed. For example, when a child repeatedly fails to tidy their room. Expressing this anger with a loud «Gop, clean it up right now!» is not yet psychological violence against the child. On the other hand, a reaction that aims to humiliate the child sounds like this: «How can you be so stupid! It's always the same with you, but I'm not at all surprised: I can't expect anything else from you.»
Are parents aware of this form of violence?
Psychological violence is more difficult for many parents to recognise than physical violence. This is often a manifestation of behavioural patterns that a child has inherited from their parents or that have existed in the family for generations. Verbal injuries have been memorised and are brought up again in times of stress. The moment it happens, parents experience a loss of control. The relationship with the child breaks down.
Most parents do not want to deliberately hurt their child and act out of excessive demands.
What can parents do about it?
There is always an alternative to violence. That is our credo, which we have been spreading with our campaigns for years. The first step is to catch the two seconds before the violence escalates. Parents can then, for example, leave the room, take a few minutes to breathe deeply or drink a glass of water to regain their composure and then enter into a relationship with their child. Most parents do not want to deliberately hurt their child and act out of a sense of being overwhelmed.
More about Child Protection Switzerland
- Website of Child Protection Switzerland
- Political work of Child Protection Switzerland and status of the motion
- Parenting courses on violence prevention
The next step is to recognise and resolve the behavioural patterns that trigger us. Child Protection Switzerland offers a variety of parenting courses that strengthen mothers and fathers in their role as carers.
Tell us a little more about the cuddly toy Emmo.
Emmo gives the child a voice when it no longer has one. The cuddly toy has two faces: a light one for good moods and a dark one for depressed moods. If a child is verbally attacked, it can take Emmo out and show the dark face. In a tantrum, parents are only concerned with themselves and their anger. They can no longer see the child and need a signal to stop their rage. Emmo takes on this signalling function. The accompanying book illustrates various everyday situations that can lead to a stress-related violent reaction. The message is that all emotions are allowed, but not all actions.
