«I'm always bored when I visit»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

My parents always want me to go and visit their friends. But that's totally boring for me because there are either no children there or only much younger ones. And these people always ask stupid questions, like how I'm doing at school or whether I've grown up. Why can't I just stay at home?
Alex, 11 years old

Dear Alex
I can well understand that you don't like to put up with such questions. Unfortunately, many adults still do this: they ask children about school as if it made up your whole life. What's more important is what else you like, such as sport, technology or music. And the fact that you are growing (and will continue to do so for a few more years) should also be clear to everyone.

But look at it this way: your parents' friends probably haven't seen you for a while. They're much more aware of how much you've grown. Don't hold it against them - after all, they recognise the change in you, they notice you.

Now to the point of the visit itself and the associated boredom. I find it completely understandable that a boy your age doesn't want to play with small children or discuss things with adults - and probably for an entire evening.

What would you need to make a visit like this fun? Gaming on electronic devices all evening is out of the question. But what could a compromise look like?

Children often get bored at mealtimes because adults only talk about their own topics and don't involve the child. But I know that you can also have a wonderful discussion with 11-year-olds if the topic interests them. What topics would you like to talk about? What do you know about? My experience shows that children today are even more knowledgeable about many things than adults.

Or how about taking a Lego with you that you can build there after dinner? That will probably take an hour or so. Maybe you can even get a new set or take apart one you've already built and put it back together again.

Explain your situation to your parents - not when the next visit is due, but now.

Other ideas would be: a book to read, puzzle games, something to draw. Or take a game with you that you can play with everyone. And maybe you can negotiate a certain time to play games or watch videos (if you like that sort of thing at all).

My tip: Please explain your situation to your parents - not when the next visit is due, but now. And talk about the issue in a matter-of-fact, calm tone. Most parents don't like it when their son or daughter yells or scolds them. It's better to tell them what bothers you and what you would like to do with their friends as an activity. If you talk to your parents in this way, they will certainly listen to you and be willing to try it out the next time you visit.

Personally, I think it would be a shame if you didn't go at all and stayed at home. After all, meeting other people, spending time together or eating together is an important part of our culture. If you experience this as a child, you will benefit from it later in life. You will find it easier to talk to adults than if you had never practised it. You will be confronted with this in about three years' time when you are looking for a taster apprenticeship and find yourself in a new environment with strangers.

I hope you can take something good out of every visit. A delicious dessert, a few new funny jokes or a win at the game?

Have fun!