Help, my daughter is bored at home!

Daniela, 36, is sad: her daughter only wants to be with her friend, both 8 years old. She keeps getting new toys and clothes, and she rarely says no.

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One question - three opinions

Our daughter plays with her friend almost every free afternoon, they are both 8 years old. She is always getting new toys and clothes, she rarely says no. We have stricter rules, the children have to ask for toys for Christmas or their birthday. Our daughter says: «It's so boring at my house. I don't have any great toys. At my friend's house you can have much more.» Sentences like this make me sad and I'm at a bit of a loss. How should I deal with it?

Daniela, 36, Dagmersellen

This is what our team of experts says:

Nicole Althaus
I can comfort you with a clear conscience: the fruits of your parenting will show up later. When your daughter is older and realises that not every wish is always fulfilled immediately. Then, when she has learnt that you don't need a room full of clothes, but rather selected, good quality pieces. It has been scientifically proven that the ability to delay gratification is an important success factor. And all parents know that: Lots of toys are not a recipe for boredom either.

Peter Schneider
That would make me sad and angry too. But since the innocent little creatures (commonly called children) are generally in a worse negotiating position compared to their parents, the goofs can sometimes be pretty bitches in order to assert their interests. Making parents feel guilty is one of the tried and tested tricks. If she is «allowed to do much more» with her friend, then she can go and play with her. You can also think about whether you want to be more strict with her.
consider whether you are exaggerating the strictness of the rules a little. If not, then it's just the way it is.

Annette Cina
What others have is often more interesting than what's at home. Because what you have is always accessible. Don't let yourself get confused. If you ask what they do together, you will realise that they probably play certain things together all the time. Even if your daughter always goes to her friend's house at the moment, this doesn't mean that you don't have enough. Your daughter will also get bored with her friend at some point. Then, when everything is over. If you want them to stay with you, make special occasions possible - a little sleepover party, for example.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 66, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
  • Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children.
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