Lee is in Year 8. He lives in Köniz, Bern, with his mother Tamara, 45, a PR specialist, his father Austin, 47, and his siblings Lennox, 15, and Luela, 11.
Lee: “To me, a good friend is someone who's always there when I need them, who's kind and loyal. I have three really good friends: I've known two of them since Year 7, and the other since Year 1.”
Every Friday we do something together, and often at the weekend too. We go out or meet up at someone's house, and sometimes we cook. Last time we made fajitas, which turned out really well. Usually one of our parents is nearby, but we manage just fine on our own.
If someone is constantly on their mobile phone whilst watching a film or cooking, it starts to get on your nerves after a while. That's why we sometimes agree that everyone should put their mobiles away. It works quite well. We've all had a mobile phone since we were twelve. I couldn't imagine life without one now.
Clear boundaries are part of it – but they only work if the relationship is strong.
«After school , I message my friends on WhatsApp every day to keep in touch or arrange to meet up . I don't use Snapchat and Instagram as much. We also play games together, like Minecraft, and chat in the group chat at the same time. Sometimes there are ten to fifteen of us. Some of them play for three or four hours. But my friends and I usually have to stop after an hour. That's fine by me, though.»
Trust comes first, not screen time
Tamara: «Lee is part of a great group of friends, many of whom have similar smartphone rules to ours – that helps enormously. In our family, the rule is: from the age of twelve, ten minutes of screen time per year of age per day. When similar rules apply within a group of friends, a shared culture emerges that supports everyone.»
Lee does a lot of sport – football and tennis – so he doesn't really have much time for his mobile. Even so, it remains a source of conflict. I understand how much a part of everyday life digital media is for young people, especially when it comes to friendships. At the same time, I sometimes struggle to understand it. «Mum, you just grew up differently,» our 15-year-old son Lennox says, «you don't understand.» He's probably right.
This makes it all the more important to keep the lines of communication open, to see things from different perspectives, and to continually renegotiate the rules together. Clear boundaries are part of this – but they only work if the relationship is strong. This is precisely where the challenge lies, and at the same time the opportunity: to stay in dialogue and grow together.
Ultimately, it's less about screen time and more about trust. It's not the minutes that shape our children, but the quality of our relationship. These conversations shape us as a family – they challenge us to listen, to ask questions and to consciously reflect on our values time and again.»
