I say: «A child is not a mini-me»
«For me, promoting self-love in children means finding out what the child needs, i.e. seeing and recognising their nature, needs and passions and helping them to live them. My child is much more than a mini version of myself, a "mini-me».
I was brought up to believe that it was important to find a good, financially secure and socially recognised job. It was only as an adult that I was able to let go of certain ideas my parents had about how I should be and devote myself more and more to what really interests me.
But how do I teach my children self-love if I have only experienced it to a limited extent myself? Fortunately, at some point I took up yoga and was able to get closer to my true needs.
My children are in a special situation: they have a degenerative nerve disease. So not only do they have to struggle with the adolescent search for identity, they also have to learn to accept that they are dependent on a wheelchair. It's our job to teach them again and again that it's okay to be the way they are.
My older daughter is an open, tolerant person, but likes to have structures, guidelines, rules and guidelines. Because I grew up rather authoritarian and very patriarchal, as a mother I wanted to teach my children the exact opposite - a lot of freedom of choice. I even advised my daughter to take a gap year to pause, read, paint or draw and not immediately enter the hamster wheel of the adult world. Fortunately, at some point I realised that this wasn't what she wanted.
Since then, I have been able to encourage her to do what is «her thing». She wants a job with a regular income and regular working hours. So I actively help her to find this job and this apprenticeship - which is doubly difficult with her illness.
«Yes, you're right, this hairstyle is now spoiling the day»
My younger daughter is completely different, explosive and sensitive. For a long time, I didn't understand why she would burst into tears over an incorrect hairstyle, for example. Now that I can accept that she needs this emotional explosion to get rid of her frustration, I react differently. I give her a hug and agree with her that her hairstyle is now ruining her day.
Afterwards, she calms down again because she feels understood and recognised by me. Basically, every child should experience the happiness of being allowed to accept and be loved for who they are."
More articles on the topic of self-love:
- «Mr Orth, how does our self-esteem develop?»
- 7 tips on how to boost your child's self-esteem
- Do something good for yourself
- Self-confidence and self-esteem: the strong child
- «Parents' feelings influence the child's self-worth»
- We say: «Hopefully the school won't weaken our children's self-esteem »
- We tell: «Self-love is more important than good grades »
