«I have to set boundaries, even though I love freedom»

"When I was pregnant for the first time, I started to actively deal with the issue of boundaries. I'm very freedom-loving, so I used to be unable to accept boundaries being set for me, and I didn't like setting them for others either. I just didn't see anything positive in it and felt that boundaries slow you down and prevent you from being yourself.

That changed with the birth of our children. I realised that I was now challenged to set rules and put up stop signs for the sake of my daughters and sons as well as myself.

Thanks to my children, for example, I learnt to stick to a decision and not become fickle. I learnt to communicate boundaries to them clearly and in an age-appropriate way .

If it's not a dangerous situation, I give my children plenty of room to try things out.

Sarah Farsatis

I have become aware of my role model function as a mum. I set an example that they can later adopt or consciously reject, but first they need guidelines for orientation.

What I have realised over time, however, is that I cannot respond to each individual in every situation. This is not just a question of time, it is also due to my experience: sometimes the children are still unhappy, want to negotiate even more - then I become unhappy and it ends in an unbearable situation that I want to avoid. That's why an announcement has to be enough.

There are times when this is very important. We recently spent four months travelling through Europe together. There was a lot of freedom, but also strict instructions. For example, we flew a lot of routes and there has to be discipline before check-in. Not everyone can jump around everywhere.

Another example: If the three older children are busy with their smartphones for too long, a request to stop now has to be enough. Because I've already explained the matter many times, I don't want to discuss it again every time.

Despite all my insights, setting boundaries is a challenge for me, especially because my attitude is very much one of compromise.

I generally like compromises because you can meet in the middle. But it's a different matter with children. When the older ones, Lia and Ian, go to the playground, my four-year-old daughter Ela is of course not allowed to go out alone, which annoys her.

If it's not a dangerous situation, I give my children plenty of room to try things out, see how they behave in a situation and then explain what works and what doesn't work.

But I still find it difficult to set boundaries. It's still worth sticking with it, because otherwise you have to constantly decide and discuss everything anew."