A father is driving through town with his five-year-old son in the back seat. At a zebra crossing, he stops as he should and lets an old man cross the road. Suddenly, a voice rings out from the back seat: «Old man, get a move on and hurry up and cross the road. We don't have until tomorrow!»
Shocked, the man looks at his son and asks, «Where did you get that from?»
The boy simply replies: «Mum said the same thing last time.»
Parents all over the world share the same goal: they want to raise their children to become independent and responsible adults.
As parents, we are role models. Whatever we do, children watch us and copy our behaviour. That is why it is said that parenting starts with the parents. We must always bear this in mind. What we eat, how we use our mobile phones, how we speak to other people – children learn from us. Always.
Practice rather than theory
«I don't want my children to turn into idiots» – that's the title of my book. So what's the best way to make sure that doesn't happen? I spent over a year exploring this question. I spoke to people who know best: teachers, headteachers, parents, coaches – and, of course, the children themselves.
In the process, I learnt something crucial: no matter where – whether at a Buddhist monastery school in Myanmar or at a well-off international school in Ecuador – parents everywhere share the same goal: they want to raise their children to become independent and responsible adults.
The result is a book rooted in real-world experience. No dry theory here, just clear, practical ideas and tips. Written in simple language, with a touch of humour and personal examples from everyday life.
Living by one's values – the foundation of education
Parenting doesn't need to be reinvented; it just needs to be done properly. It isn't an exam where the aim is to get the top mark. And anyway, who says that those with the best marks will necessarily turn out to be the best people later on?
It's all about attitude. And living by clear values – values that are actually familiar to us all, but which are often neglected in everyday life.
Children need to be allowed to get bored. Boredom breeds creativity – provided the environment is right.
In around 50 interviews, I asked about the most important values in bringing up children. Unsurprisingly, good manners and respect top the list . But many parents also mention gratitude, modesty and humility. Others emphasise ambition and perseverance – «so that the children can make something of themselves one day». Not to be forgotten is the curiosity that every child is born with. Unfortunately, this is increasingly being stifled – not least by the excessive use of smartphones, among adults as well as children.
How can we instil all these values so that they really take root? Always with the same goal in mind: to ensure our children don't turn out to be idiots.
Creating the right environment
To achieve this goal, I have gathered specific approaches and summarised them in 16 guidelines for successful parenting. The environment in which a child grows up is central to this. Children need spaces where materials are available for them to be creative. If a child grows up in a «museum» where nothing is allowed to be touched, their imagination withers away.
In a supportive environment, a child is allowed to be noisy, argue and show their feelings. They are allowed to make mistakes – without fear of being punished straight away. Because that is exactly how they learn.
A child learns courage when they take a risk – when you believe in them. Courage isn't something you can just download.
And, very importantly: children must be allowed to get bored. Boredom breeds creativity – provided the environment is right. Too many parents mean well by keeping their children constantly occupied and entertained: with toys or a packed schedule that leaves hardly any time for rest or free play with friends.
Children need time to process what they have experienced and learnt. Parents often see this «doing nothing» as a waste of time – for children, however, it is precisely this time that is particularly valuable.
Courage through experience
As they make their way towards independence, children need guidance – not control. They should pursue their own goals, not ours. We must support them in this.
A child learns courage when they take a risk – when you believe in them. Many parents no longer even let their children climb trees. Instead, they make them sit at the foot of the tree and prefer to give them a mobile phone so they don't get any «silly ideas». How are children supposed to gain such vital experiences? How are they supposed to develop self-confidence? Courage cannot be downloaded.
Staying safe on social media
Speaking of downloads: one major source of conflict in parenting is how to deal with the digital world. It's an issue all parents are familiar with and one that raises many questions: How much screen time is allowed? What happens if a child doesn't follow the rules? How can they navigate social media safely ?
The most important thing is to build a relationship of trust between parents and children from an early age – by the time children reach their teens, it is often too late. That is why parents should make a conscious effort to spend time online with their children, for example by playing a game together.
If the media guidelines are clear, there is no need for lengthy discussions.
The key is to show an interest – as a basis for being able to talk openly about the subject. If parents know where and how their children are using the internet, a large part of the problem is already resolved.
And clear rules are needed – rules that everyone knows. It is up to each family to decide what those rules should be. Once these rules are clear, there is no need for endless discussions.
Education is about preparing for life. We want our children to be able to cope in an increasingly demanding world – and not to behave like idiots.
This responsibility starts with us adults.
About the book:
The book was self-published and is available from Orell Füssli, among others. Further information can be found here.
