How your child learns to deal with their emotions

Adults have many terms to describe the positive and negative emotions they experience every day: Joy, contentment, enthusiasm, anger, fear, irritation or sadness. Young children tend to express their feelings more spontaneously - through outbursts of tears or exuberant enthusiasm.

It takes time to develop the ability to engage in complex and deep conversations about emotions. Trusted adults can help children on this journey by talking to them about their emotions and their strategies for dealing with feelings.

Recognising and naming emotions

In this context, the Education Endowment Foundation recommends that parents consciously teach their children emotional skills. Children need to know the individual terms for emotions and how they are expressed so that they can understand their own emotions.

A mood diary or an emotion wheel can help a child to recognise their emotions.

One way for adults to help children name their emotions is to expand their vocabulary. When reading a story to your child, for example, it can be helpful to explain the meaning of certain emotional terms and go into more detail about the character's feelings.

A mood diary (online or on paper) or a feelings wheel can be a great way to help a child recognise their feelings on any given day or at any given moment of the day. These tools can be adapted to the child's age and preferences. A mood diary contains words, symbols or pictures of facial expressions. The child chooses the word, symbol or picture that best reflects their current mood. If they wish, they can describe their mood in more detail.

Adults enable children to express emotions by mirroring their facial expressions and paraphrasing what they say. This can help children better understand their emotions and give them the confidence to recognise their feelings. When things seem out of control, recognising their feelings is often the first step in identifying what emotion has triggered a situation and deciding on the appropriate response.

Anger signals to us that something is at odds with our goals or values.

Recognising your child's current emotion can help you to talk to them about what this emotion means to them. Positive emotions such as joy trigger playful approach behaviour, which makes it easier to explore the environment and make contact with others. Negative emotions can also be useful. They help us to recognise that something is missing, needs to be changed or protected.

Anger signals to us that something is at odds with our goals or values. It prompts us to protect or defend these goals and values. Sadness is a reaction to the loss of a person or thing that was important to us. It leads to withdrawal rather than action. Last but not least, fear helps us to avoid danger in nature or society.

Control negative feelings

Negative emotions can be useful if they help us to avoid danger or cope with a loss. However, if they are not controlled, they can lead to anxiety disorders and impair communication with others.

In order to find the balance between an impulsive reaction to an external cause and a considered response, it is important to understand what triggers negative emotions, what these emotions mean and how they are to be interpreted.

Adults play an important role in helping children to develop an understanding of other people's perspectives.

For example, a child may be angry that their friend has taken the last piece of cake at a party. If the child thinks about the situation and also considers that the friend may have wanted to share the piece of cake, they may reconsider their anger and prevent a conflict. Adults play an important role in helping children to develop an understanding of other people's perspectives.

Stories and role play are good tools to encourage children to talk about the emotions and perspectives of others. This helps them to develop social awareness and build relationships.

There are also numerous strategies to gain space between an impulsive and a considered reaction. Children can create this space themselves by delaying action (pausing and thinking first), relaxing or using self-calming techniques such as breathing exercises. In doing so, they can be encouraged to consider the needs and perspectives of others.

As authorities and role models, adults can support children's emotional learning by talking explicitly about emotions, responding and reacting to children's displayed emotions, addressing the perspectives of others and giving children the tools they need to regulate their emotions. Emotional learning is a lifelong journey on which adults and children can progress and develop together.