«How can I become more popular?»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

My friend always brags that she's been going to ballet for 5 years. I think her family is quite rich and she's popular everywhere. I only play handball at school and I'm a bit shy. How can I become more popular?
Jasmina, 9

Dear Jasmina
You train handball - it's an intense sport that requires speed, stamina and team spirit. You should be very proud of yourself for doing it! Ballet is also a demanding sport, just different. But both are equally important, there's no better or worse.

Your girlfriend may have a little more opportunity to choose hobbies that she likes because her parents have more money. But that doesn't mean you can't have fun in your free time. You can do lots of great things even on a smaller budget: hanging out with friends, crafting, reading, upcycling old clothes, hand lettering, cycling, going to the swimming pool in summer and much more.

Whether you are popular or not has a lot to do with whether you are confident or not. And children who have trendy clothes, cool things and expensive hobbies often have good self-confidence - precisely (unfortunately) because of these things. They believe that this goes down well with others. And because they believe this, they also appear so self-confident. The other children then react positively to this. But that alone does not make a person popular.

You say that your girlfriend is more popular than you. But is that really so important?

I think it's more about being open to others, laughing and talking more often and taking part in activities. People who are helpful and who you can rely on are also popular. But what can you do if you're just rather shy? If you don't know what to say in a group? Or if you don't like putting yourself centre stage?

Firstly, it is important that you think about what you are like and how you behave in class or on the sports team. Write it down on a piece of paper, no matter what it is. And then write: «I'm totally okay!». Because that's what you really are: you're fine the way you are! Because there are reasons why you are like this. And characteristics such as shyness are inherited, i.e. innate. It's quite possible that your mum or dad are shy too.

Or maybe there are other reasons? Have you been told by others that you're not cool? Such nasty remarks leave their mark - you often can no longer manage to be cheerful and relaxed.

You say that your girlfriend is more popular than you. But is that really so important? The fact that you're friends with her shows me that she likes you. No matter how popular she is, she wants to be with you too. And that's what counts! I'm almost certain that you're more popular than you realise. Please trust that you're a great girl.

My tip: Try to be (or remain) open with others and don't hide. You have no reason to. No matter what hobby or sport you do. Be yourself and trust that there are always people who like you very much.