Help, my son's best friend is a know-it-all!

What do you do when you can't stand your child's «best buddy»? A problem that also plagues Norbert. So he turns to our team of experts.

Image: Adobe Stock

One question - three opinions

Unfortunately, I don't like my son's best friend, 9, at all. I find him simple-minded, know-it-all and silly. I try not to let on, but I'm less and less successful. I feel guilty about it. How should I behave?

Norbert, 46, Zurich

That's what our team of experts says:

Anette Cina
Annette Cina
You don't have to like your son's friend. You didn't choose him as a friend, your son did. Have some faith that your child already has a good reason to be friends with this boy. Don't come between the two of them. It is hurtful for a child when parents say that they don't like friends. Keep a little distance. That way, you'll be less aware and won't be exposed to the negative feelings. If you are worried that your son is suffering, speak up about problematic behaviour. If your son's friend crosses your boundaries, set them.
Andrea Jansen
Andrea Jansen
You don't need to have a guilty conscience. After all, you haven't forbidden your son to socialise with his best friend. Try to see your friend through your son's eyes. Ask him what he particularly likes about him. He may tell you things that he sees in him, but you won't. Use this moment. Talk to your son about the meaning and value of friendships. If that doesn't help, make sure he meets up with his friend at his family's house. Or get yourself a mantra. Suggestion: «It's all just a phase. It's all just ...»
Peter Schneider
Peter Schneider
Firstly (bad news): The unpleasant adults have to come from somewhere. Secondly (good news): But not all simple-minded know-it-alls stay the way they were as children; some will become nice and sociable contemporaries in the foreseeable future. Their feelings of guilt honour them and realistically take into account the asymmetry in the power relationship between adults and children. However, this doesn't mean that you should only talk to the young man in a purring, gentle tone. If something annoys you, you can say so (sweetly), but as specifically as possible and without generalising.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Andrea Jansen, 44, is the founder of the parenting platform Mal-ehrlich.ch. The journalist, entrepreneur and foundation board member was previously a television presenter and producer at SRF. Andrea Jansen has three children aged 7, 9 and 11. She lives with her family in Hawaii and Zurich.
  • Peter Schneider, 66, is a psychoanalyst, columnist and satirist. He used to be a professor of educational and developmental psychology at the University of Bremen and is still a private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich. Father and husband of an adult son and an adult wife from and in his first marriage.
Do you also have a question?

In this section, experts answer your questions about parenting and everyday life with children.
Send an e-mail to: redaktion@fritzundfraenzi.ch