Focus on fathers: Dad at the centre of the family
They cook, drive the children to football training and cello lessons, help with homework, never miss a parents' evening and do the seasonal clothes shopping for the offspring in addition to the weekend shopping: the «new dads».
Who exactly is meant by this buzzword is often left to a vague idea. But what actually distinguishes the «new» from the «old» father and what developments are there between these two types? Why do men of our time decide in favour of fatherhood and how do they shape this role? Where are the opportunities and obstacles that arise from this? And how are the fathers of today shaping the generation of tomorrow?
While mothers and their influence on child development were already the subject of research 300 years ago, father research is a comparatively young discipline that has only attracted widespread interest since the mid-1990s. «For a long time, fathers were the forgotten clientele of family research. For many years, science ignored their contribution to child development and only considered them in the role of breadwinner,» says Wassilios Fthenakis, pioneer of father research. (Reading tip: Dad tips from a pro)
«Raising children was and still is primarily attributed to women,» says sociologist Diana Baumgarten from the University of Basel. «Accordingly, motherliness is considered a natural part of femininity, while masculinity has so far been difficult to associate with fatherliness and the day-to-day care of children. But this is beginning to change.» Many men today feel the need to be present as a father in a different way than was the case in previous generations.
Even apart from the optional extras, such as shared hobbies, fathers today devote much more time to their families than in the past.
«What is important to them is the opportunity to be involved in the day-to-day care and upbringing of their children and to build a sustainable relationship with them,» says Baumgarten. And a study by the German Youth Institute summarises: «Today, the definitions of new fatherhood are primarily united by the differentiation from a model that reduces the father to the role of breadwinner. There is also a consensus that the new image of fatherhood is characterised by more commitment to the child, emotionality, caring and as much free time together as possible.»
Fathers work more at home despite a full-time job
But even apart from the freestyle activities, such as shared hobbies, fathers today devote far more time to their families than in the past. The Federal Statistical Office (FSO) has been collecting data on household and family work every three to four years since 1997. According to the latest data from 2016, fathers living in a partnership whose youngest child was between 0 and 14 years old spent an average of around 29 hours per week on housework and family work. In 1997, this figure was seven hours less. Fathers' commitment has increased in the area of childcare in particular: from around 10 hours (1997) to a good 14 hours (2016). Fathers' increased commitment at home usually goes hand in hand with a full-time workload.
In 2019, around nine out of ten men in Switzerland who lived with their partner and children aged 4 to 12 worked full-time. According to the FSO, the greater commitment of fathers at home can hardly or only marginally be explained by changes in gainful employment, «but is largely due to an actual increase in the time they spend on housework and family work».
So the main breadwinner is far from obsolete. Marco, 40, is one too. The head of copywriting at an advertising agency works 100 per cent, while his wife runs a playgroup two mornings a week and yoga classes two evenings a week. When his wife works in the mornings, Marco drives home from the office to cook for the children. If she gives courses in the evenings, he is home shortly after 5 p.m. - if everything goes according to plan. «There are customer appointments, so I can't just leave earlier,» says Marco. «Now that our sons are ten and eight years old, it's not so bad if they have to wait for me alone for an hour.»
Marco says that his wife is toying with the idea of expanding her range of courses. «In that case, we would have to rethink our organisation,» he says. «My employer is family-friendly, I'm lucky. Nobody complains if I'm away for a short time to take a child to the dentist, if I take a longer lunch or leave early in the evening. But as an employee, I have to be able to offer a certain amount of flexibility.» Even if nobody reproaches him, he feels he often has to justify himself: «At work because I have to leave early again, at home because the office is calling. That's stressful.»
The shared workload predominates - except in the household
«Although our ideas about the role of the father have changed considerably, our understanding of what makes a good father is still vague today,» says educationalist and family researcher Margrit Stamm, «and so we all too often cling to clichés. The common one is still that men are not involved enough in family life.»
Stamm investigated what this is all about as part of her TARZAN study, a follow-up project to a long-term analysis in which 300 Swiss families took part between 2009 and 2013. In 2015, Stamm collected additional data on the extent to which fathers were involved in family and housework, as well as on how men reconciled fatherhood and work and what contribution they made to their child's development - for example by helping with homework, reading or playing together. «The accusation that fathers are less present and hardly active at home cannot be confirmed by our study,» says Stamm. (Reading tip: Mrs Stamm, why do fathers often only feel like babysitters?)
The results made it clear that mothers have far greater responsibility in the household than fathers, even if the women work full-time. However, in all other areas - such as educational tasks, family and leisure activities or school matters - the shared workload predominates, regardless of the employment model. What's more, fathers still generate three quarters of the household income on average. «Whether we like to hear it or not,» says Stamm, «a full pay packet at the end of the month is also a form of care.»
Moreover, it is not only men who maintain their commitment as family breadwinners. «Couples generally decide in favour of the model with the father as the main full-time breadwinner,» Stamm knows from her research. Women then explicitly express the wish to spend more time with their children than at work. «Traditional ideas about what makes a good mother are still doing a great job,» Stamm surmises.
«New fathers need new mothers»
If a woman does not work or only works a small amount, it is logical for her to take on more responsibility for housework and family management, says Stamm. «I see the problem where the woman works 60, 70 per cent or more and carries this burden predominantly alone. This is a great injustice - but we cannot conclude from this that fathers are the lazy sex. We must always consider their commitment against the background of the respective employment model; anything else makes little sense.»
Ultimately, it is not only the men's motivation that determines how committed they are as fathers, but also the mother's behaviour. «Whether and to what extent women allow active and independent fathers and hand over tasks that they consider their domain to their partners often tips the scales,» says the researcher. «New fathers also need new mothers. You can't have one without the other.»
As part of a research team at the University of Basel, sociologist Diana Baumgarten also investigated how men organise their role as fathers. As part of a National Science Foundation study from 2012, the scientists interviewed 60 Swiss-German men between the ages of 25 and 60. Their findings suggest that a man's concept of fatherhood is closely linked to whether he had a desire to have children of his own before starting a family and how strong this desire was.
«Some men also want to have a child and an independent relationship with it, regardless of a specific couple relationship. We call this a desire to have children in the true sense of the word,» says Baumgarten. «Other men are more interested in the family lifestyle, which includes a wife and children. We call this a family desire. It relates more to the status of the family father as part of a normal male biography - and less to the child as a counterpart.»
The «emotionally involved, present breadwinner father» is an increasingly widespread ideal of fatherhood.
As the study suggests, men who wish to have a family tend to practise a traditional division of gainful employment and family work. Those with an explicit desire to have children, on the other hand, try to adapt their job to the needs of the family, for example by reducing their workload.
«While the desire to have a family can also be reconciled with a full-time workload, the demands that fathers place on themselves when they want to have children are difficult to reconcile,» says Baumgarten.
Gainful employment is part of male identity
However, the desire to devote more time to the family is sometimes met with great resistance. «This includes company and state framework conditions,» says Baumgarten, «but also the still strong impact of traditional gender norms.» The Basel Fatherhood Study shows that respondents consistently have high expectations of fatherhood. «At the same time, our results confirm that gainful employment is still a central component of male identity.» A lifestyle focussed primarily on work is not only demanded by society, but is also generally desired by the men themselves.
«Both together - the desire to be present as a father while at the same time having primary responsibility for the family income - leads to a conflict of demands that in principle run counter to each other,» says Baumgarten. The result is an increasingly widespread but ambivalent ideal of fatherhood that is challenging to realise: the Basel researchers call it the «emotionally involved, present breadwinner father» - Marco is probably a good example of this.
Fathers in the shadow of the supermother
«Many fathers experience the balancing act of pursuing a career in their professional life while at the same time meeting the various needs of their family, which almost tears them apart. They often feel left alone and misunderstood by both their employer and their partner,» says Egon Garstick, psychotherapist and author of the book «Young Fathers in Mental Crises».
15 years ago, Garstick launched a psychotherapeutic programme for fathers at the Mütterhilfe foundation, which has been run by the Arche Zürich association since 2018. He works together with midwives and mother and father counselling centres. They send him clients who have been thrown into crisis by fatherhood.
The individualism of our time and the search for perfect happiness also cause men to stumble.
«Men often experience a decisive change in identity when a child comes along,» says Garstick. «Becoming a father can lead to an enriching expansion of their male identity, but it can also fuel self-doubt and fears about the future, which can lead to a crisis. In this context, the demonstrable hormonal changes that young fathers go through should not be underestimated - especially when they are intensely involved with their baby,» says Garstick.
There are different men who need Garstick's help, «but all of them have high expectations of themselves as fathers. Some want to do better than their own father, but are at a loss when it comes to realising this. Whether a man has a good relationship with his own father is relevant to the question of how well he himself succeeds in developing constructive fatherhood,» says Garstick.
Own image of the father is central
«Positive fatherhood also includes a loving and supportive relationship with the child's mother. It depends very much on how the man has experienced his father dealing with ambivalent feelings, especially towards the mother,» says Garstick. «If the father shows his son that conflicts are also part of a partnership, but that they can be addressed respectfully and reconciled, this is a valuable experience for the son. This will help him later, especially after the birth of a child, a sensitive phase for the partnership.»
Some fathers doubt themselves because they realise that the image of fatherhood from their culture of origin is not compatible with local values, while others are at odds with themselves because they have not sufficiently fulfilled their parents' expectations of what they should achieve in life. «A positive detachment from the family of origin is important so that a man can develop the necessary self-confidence as a father,» says Garstick. However, the sometimes exuberant individualism due to the zeitgeist and the associated search for perfect happiness can also cause men to stumble. «In times of seemingly endless choices, it is more difficult to embark on an experience that is as decisive for one's own freedom as becoming a parent,» says Garstick.
How is it that the role of the father has remained vacant for so long, and that it is only in the last few years that there has been a debate about what constitutes him as a bonding and parenting figure? One thing is certain: in the search for answers, there is no way around the maternal ideal that society has cultivated, and not only to the chagrin of men.
In the 1950s, the assumption that the mother was the only person who could provide her child with a sense of fulfilment also received support from the scientific community. At that time, the British paediatrician and psychiatrist John Bowlby founded the attachment theory, which described the mother-child bond as the only early intimate relationship. Bowlby was of the opinion «that the father is of no direct importance for the development of the infant, but can be of indirect value in that he provides financial security and is an emotional support for the mother».
Fathers are an enormous emotional resource that children today can finally fall back on.
Margrit Stamm
In 1962, Alexander Mitscherlich caused a stir with his study «Towards a fatherless society». In it, the German psychoanalyst lamented the loss of the father, his fading role model, who was disappearing in the anonymity of the modern working world. Together with rapidly rising divorce rates, the discussion about the absent father fuelled the emergence of the first fathers' rights movements in the 1970s. Women also began to oppose their role, which was limited to the home and children. In the following decades, the women's movement, subsequent social developments and the growing need for female labour finally led to the demand for men and fathers to help out at home.
However, the new fathers have not simply conformed to social expectations, sociologist Baumgarten clarifies: «It is also men's increasing need for more caring relationships that is creating a new norm of fatherhood.» In science, too, the father has moved into the centre of attention as a caregiver. Attachment research has made an important contribution to this with new findings: these show that fathers not only support their partners, but can also build an intimate and independent relationship with their newborn child.
Bonding is not a question of gender
Yet the cliché that women - and only women - are biologically programmed to harbour strong feelings for their child persists. Yet science has disproved this myth many times over. For example, researchers at Bar Ilan University in Tel Aviv: in 2014, they were able to show that the amygdala, an almond-shaped region in the centre of the brain that is involved in the development of emotions, showed increased activity after birth not only in mothers, but also in new, homosexual fathers who were often not related to their child. The researchers summarised that it is not the gender of the parent or even the biological relationship to the child that is decisive for the development of a strong bond. Rather, it was only how often and how intensively a person cared for the child. (Reading tip: «The mother does not have to fulfil all needs»)
In the new millennium, gender role stereotypes have begun to crumble. The influence of traditions is fading, social norms are more permeable and life plans have become more diverse. Accordingly, parenthood no longer results from the dictates of social expectations that regard starting a family as part of a normal biography - rather, it has become a freely chosen option.
However, this has also led to new dependencies, says educational scientist Stamm. «The child project is increasingly associated with a desire for meaning and anchoring, a desire for happiness,» she says. «Mothers and fathers today probably show their children more love than ever before - the flip side of this coin is that they also demand this love from their children, whereas in the past it was «only» respect and obedience.» This is one of the reasons why fathers today are also under increasing pressure to do everything right; towards their child, but also towards their partner.
However, despite all the uncertainties that our modern society presents fathers with, the new opportunities it offers them outweigh them. «Fathers,» says Stamm, «are a huge potential for society and the family, an enormous emotional resource that children today can finally fall back on.»
