«Fathers used to be the gateway to the outside world»

Europe's best-known fatherhood researcher Wassilios Fthenakis says that fathers parent differently to mothers. Where the differences lie and why they have more to do with our society than the male gender.

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Interview: Virginia Nolan

Mr Fthenakis, what factors determine how a man shapes his role as a father?

The experience with one's own father is formative. If he was a reliable, loving caregiver for his children, sons take their fathers as role models and later often practise a democratic upbringing that provides the child with a clear framework, but also gives them many rights to have a say. On the other hand, we also observe this parenting style in men who were often punished by their fathers as children. They try to compensate for what they lacked. This phenomenon has become much more pronounced over the past 30 years. But the quality of the couple's relationship also plays an important role. It has an influence on both the man's willingness to commit himself to the family and the woman's willingness to involve her partner in the responsibility for the child.

Do fathers parent differently to mothers?

Yes and no. Fathers are still at home less often than mothers. They have less time with the children, but usually use it more intensively - for example, when they come home from work and devote themselves to the children. This exchange is often characterised by active, body-oriented play: Fathers throw the toddlers up and catch them, wrestle or romp around with their offspring. In this way, the child experiences the relationship with the father as exciting and attractive.

Wassilios E. Fthenakis, 83, is a paedagogue, anthropologist, human geneticist and psychologist. He is regarded as a pioneer of father research and was head of the State Institute for Early Childhood Education in Munich from 1975 to 2005. He is professor emeritus at the Free University of Bozen-Bolzano, where he held the Chair of Developmental Psychology and Anthropology from 2002 to 2010.
Wassilios E. Fthenakis, 83, is a paedagogue, anthropologist, human geneticist and psychologist. He is regarded as a pioneer of father research and was head of the State Institute for Early Childhood Education in Munich from 1975 to 2005. He is professor emeritus at the Free University of Bozen-Bolzano , where he held the Chair of Developmental Psychology and Anthropology from 2002 to 2010.

So the body-orientated play has less to do with the male gender than with the fact that fathers want to make their quality time with the child as attractive as possible?

That's right. Studies show that even full-time working mums tend to interact with their children in this way. And that's a good thing: children practise empathy when roughhousing, for example. They learn to regulate their own impulses and deal with their play partner in such a way that the game remains enjoyable for both sides.

The child usually spends more time with the mother.

Yes, although this contact often takes place in parallel with other activities. The time in which the mother devotes exclusively to the child averages just one hour per day. This is a robust finding from several studies. It is therefore not surprising that children and adolescents in surveys express more joy about joint activities with their father. However, if fathers were usually at home, the picture would probably be different. After all, we know from 40 years of research that there are more similarities than differences between mothers and fathers in their role as parents.

Nevertheless, fathers appear to have a particular influence on certain areas of a child's development.

There are few studies that have investigated this connection. Overall, their findings suggest that paternal characteristics are prognostically significant when it comes to cognitive and psychosocial development. Accordingly, the availability of a male role model in the child's home environment has a positive effect on his school career, his self-confidence and his problem-solving skills, and it also appears to be a certain protective factor with regard to later behavioural problems. Mothers, on the other hand, have a stronger influence on how children organise their social relationships.

How can these differences be explained?

Presumably mainly due to the fact that these findings stem from a time when fathers were less involved in family life and the majority of mothers were housewives. Back then, fathers acted as a gateway to the outside world when they came home and reported on their experiences at work and in society. This view beyond the domestic domain stimulated the child. Today we have a different situation, mothers also go out to work. However, the most important realisation remains valid: both parents are relevant for the child's development.

A separation does not necessarily lead to developmental problems.

However, there are many children who live with one parent - usually the mother.

If there is a separation, it is important that both parents do their utmost to ensure good co-operation. If this is not successful, it can affect the child's self-esteem because it perceives the relationship with the father as fragile. However, if the child and its interests take centre stage, the separation does not necessarily lead to developmental problems. Even if the child sees the father less: Skype and co. can compensate for physical absence to a great extent and offer excellent opportunities to take part in the everyday life of the person you are talking to.

What about family constellations in which there is simply no father?

What children need is at least one adult who is available, responds sensitively to them and takes responsibility and care for them. The gender of this person or their relationship to the child is not relevant, but rather that the child can build a secure, lasting bond with them. The fact that a family structure with more than one adult tends to have positive effects on child development is largely due to the fact that the burden of family work can then be shared. However, research results also suggest that role models of both sexes should ideally be available in the child's closest family environment.

Why?

Because men and women behave differently despite having many things in common, which offers the child a wider range of learning experiences. For example, fathers encourage gender-role-specific behaviour more than mothers or generally show a more pronounced focus on achievement. Studies with single parents also allow exciting conclusions to be drawn about the different behaviour of fathers and mothers.

Namely?

According to the results, single mothers generally also feel solely responsible for family life. They set high standards with regard to the household and delegate little to the children - if they do, they often check up on them afterwards. Single fathers, on the other hand, tend to see all family members as responsible for living together at home and demand the co-operation of the children. They set the standards less high and are not as controlling as single mothers. They demand more from their children, but also give them more freedom.

Where there is no father, can male carers such as relatives or family friends step into the breach?

It is certainly helpful to get them on board. In rainbow families, for example, this is sometimes achieved in an exemplary manner. Such close carers can help children to experience models for male lifestyles - but they are no substitute for a father.