«Clear agreements promote a sense of security»

We are not anxious parents. Nevertheless, we have already experienced two situations that really scared us. Once, our younger daughter disappeared in the shopping centre. Of course we panicked. Suddenly a film plays in front of you. What if something has happened to her? What if someone had taken her? Thank goodness she turned up again quickly.

Another time, our firstborn ran away because she was looking for us. She just walked out the front door and off she went. We live in a small town and our daughter walked towards the centre. At some point, two passers-by approached her and took her home.

We believe that children who feel self-efficacious develop the ability to become more courageous.

After these two experiences, we realised that clear rules were needed and that we needed to coordinate better. After all, we don't want to lock our children up or constantly control them. When we go to the shopping centre now, they are allowed to go on their own after a certain point. We always arrange to meet at the toys. They now know their way around and we trust them. We have also worked a lot on communication. They now know where to go if something happens and they get lost again, for example.

We have found that clear agreements promote the children's sense of security and orientation. They now know what to do if something doesn't work out. This allows us to give them more freedom, which in turn promotes their development of autonomy. Joya, our eldest, has been going to friends' houses on her own since she started kindergarten. She demanded it herself and we agreed from the start. We can also rely on Fiona, even though she is only three years old.

We believe that children who feel self-efficacious develop the ability to become more courageous. The challenge as parents is to find the right balance between safety and freedom in order to promote self-efficacy. This is not always easy. But we are probably on the right track.

We often get feedback from other parents that our children are very independent and know how to help themselves, have more confidence than others and are courageous. Probably because they repeatedly experience that it works.