Beliefs are not truths

Motorways are a practical thing. They take you quickly to your destination on fairly straight roads. The wide, well-signposted roads can be travelled at a constant speed, almost as if on autopilot. This saves time and nerves, provides safety and orientation. That's why we like to build such personal motorways in our everyday lives, consisting of beliefs, life premises and guiding principles.

For example, homework: You could lose a lot of time and nerves every day discussing with your children when they should do their homework and how much help they need from their parents. But you don't, because both time and nerves are precious resources.

So they prefer to refer to their own experiences («How did it actually work for me before?»), talk to teachers or other parents. In the process, beliefs and rules of life such as «work first, then pleasure» or «homework is not the parents' responsibility» emerge - either explicitly or implicitly.

Everyone carries such beliefs within them, often unconsciously. Many were inherited from our parents or teachers and form the basis of our beliefs, attitudes and opinions. Above all, however, they help us to quickly find our way to our destination in everyday life without having to think about the right route every time. Motorways, after all.

But what happens when you realise that such a motorway will take you to your destination, but that your fellow travellers are getting sick or bored along the way? Or you realise in the middle of the motorway that you actually wanted to drive to a different destination today? And that it's no longer your parents at the wheel, but you yourself who are responsible? Then it's high time to pull into a motorway service station. And realise that: Beliefs are not truths. They do provide security and orientation. But not everyone needs this to the same extent in every situation.

There are children for whom it is good to do their homework first and then go and play football. Others can concentrate better if they have been out in the fresh air for a while first. A belief such as «work first, then pleasure» is a positive life premise for some. Others, on the other hand, may also reach their goal this way - but on an unnecessarily arduous path. And ask themselves: «If work always has to be done first, is there any time left for pleasure?»

Do I really want to bring up my children like this?

One person will come to the conclusion after such a break at the motorway service station: I will continue to drive on the motorway in future because my guiding principles are right for me. Another would rather drive off because he realises that the set of beliefs I took with me from my parents' house doesn't fit in with the way I want to bring up my own children. It drags me down in everyday life instead of strengthening me.

Anyone who has ever driven on a motorway knows that it is not possible to leave the motorway immediately, it can take a while. And when you reach the exit, you have to reorient yourself. To look for another route. Maybe you get lost. Maybe it takes a little longer on the new road, there are more bends, the going is bumpier. And maybe you even get lost again on the motorway out of habit. But you have realised: There are other ways and it's worth discovering them.