Am I a good mum?
The sentence came up in a podcast I listened to while jogging. A woman said that today she could usually say without shame that she thought she was a good mum. A little later, I switched to music. But while Queen was now booming out of my headphones, the words echoed as if on a second soundtrack.
Have I ever described myself as a good mum? «I am a good mum», I tried it out mentally. «Don't stop me now» resounded motivatingly in my ears. It would have seemed less absurd to call myself a good sprinter - despite my modest running pace. No, I had never called myself a good mum. But I have been asked if I am one. Even more often, I give the answer without asking. Most of the time it's «no».
They never stop, these inner boos for your own parental performance.
I should have woken the children earlier ... Nothing healthy in the snack again today ... Earlier, I wasn't at all focused when the daughter was talking about something ... Once again, the vegetables stopped ... Was I too strict when I said ten party guests were enough ...? Too lax when I only pulled the plug after an hour of Minecraft ...? They were hardly outside today either ... And I also forgot to remind them to do their homework on time!
They never stop, these inner boos for my own parental performance - whether because of a lack of exposure to fresh air or inadequate Ufzgi supervision. There is always something that I think I could, indeed should, do better. I've long since internalised the rules for this, a mix of playground conversations, pedagogical half-knowledge and a bunch of expectations. And bang, if I'm not careful, all it takes is a spurned broccoli floret for me to tick the minus points on the imaginary assessment sheet.
No wonder it seems outrageous to feel like a good mother. Especially to call yourself one. Even «good enough» seems almost revolutionary. But «good» as opposed to «good enough»: it only removes one word and leaves more room for recognition. Why shouldn't mothers (and fathers, of course) who make an honest effort allow themselves this, even if only now and again? We're not talking about «perfect». Just «good». And isn't it ... good if you keep your nerve in the morning despite the hectic rush and serve up two types of vegetables at lunchtime? When media time doesn't get out of hand despite everything and homework isn't forgotten?
Evaluating yourself more favourably takes practice. But before a broccoli brings me to my knees - so I thought and jogged faster - perhaps I should intensify my training. And overturn the idea that only perfect mums (and parents) can ever call themselves good. It's this assumption that stops you before you can even consider not being a mum. Everyday parenting would be easier without it, the step to «I'm a good mum» would be smaller. And maybe it would even be easier to be one, sometimes. A more relaxed one at any rate.
