«Your own mobile phone? At twelve at the earliest»
Mr Weilharter, can we agree on the following statement: Digital devices have long been an integral part of our children's everyday lives.
That's right. But parents can control usage. My two younger daughters are now 16 and 17 years old. They didn't have a mobile phone until they were twelve - one with buttons, not a smartphone, mind you. I therefore had all communication from school sent to my smartphone, which worked perfectly. I don't want a return to the Stone Age. But I have realised that digital media has created competition that robs our children of a lot of time - and takes away their creativity.
What are you asking for?
Only give your child their own mobile phone when they have reached the necessary maturity, from the age of twelve at the earliest. The longer you delay your child having a smartphone at their free disposal, the sooner you will keep your child away from harmful influences and create better conditions for their development.
What matters is the dose, the time a child spends on the mobile phone.
We often forget that children are in a process of mental and physical development and must first mature psychologically in order to be able to deal with new technologies in such a way that they are not harmed. It is no coincidence that the developers of digital devices - leading engineers in Silicon Valley, for example - protect their children from excessive contact with screens and consumer electronics. However, if children are mature enough, they can benefit from digital devices. To do this, however, they must be able to distinguish between pointless, time-wasting and dangerous use on the one hand and sensible use of the technology on the other.
Fritz Weilharter, 65, is the father of four children, a management consultant in Linz and Professor of Sports Psychology at the BSP Business School Berlin. He was a teacher and headmaster of a grammar school in Graz for 14 years. He recently published the book «Die neue Elite. Why the future belongs to children without smartphones», published by edition a 2021, approx. 22 Fr.
Even if my child doesn't get a mobile phone until they are 14, the likelihood that they will use the device excessively is extremely high.
In fact, the pull is greatest at this age. However, the later a child owns a digital device, the greater the chances are that many analogue habits have already become ingrained that they can return to, that they are passionate about and that prevent them from drifting into the digital world. If a child has been used to being sedated by a tablet or guarded by a smartphone from an early age, this becomes much more difficult.
What advice do you have for parents whose child spends an excessive amount of time on their smartphone?
Under no circumstances should you resign quickly or give in with «that's just the way it is» and simply let the children do it. Reacting with anger and aggression doesn't help either, because a bad climate in the family tends to increase the negative emotional tension and therefore often the need for digital distraction.
Children copy everything their parents do. If mum and dad barely put their mobile phones down, the child will copy them.
So what helps?
Take your time, stay in dialogue, engage with your child to find out what analogue interests they have and offer them an attractive alternative. Adults often have the impression that children are constantly glued to their mobile phones and are difficult to get away from them. However, if we understand the mechanisms of intrinsic motivation, we can offer children analogue experiences that seem more attractive to them than the mobile phone. Children love making pottery, hammering, playing analogue games - they just don't have many opportunities to do so today.
How do parents get children to «burn» for something and develop analogue hobbies?
By setting an example. Young children in particular copy everything their parents do, which is why parents have a major role model function. If mum and dad hardly ever put their mobile phones down, the child will copy them. As children get older, their social environment becomes increasingly important. If the best friend goes to the gymnastics group, the child will want to too. It is therefore important to look out for like-minded parents and their children from an early age.
Should parents work with screen locks?
Yes, and we had screen time too. Although at some point it turns into a trial of strength because the offspring find out how to get round the whole thing.
Are bans really a suitable strategy if children are to learn how to use digital devices responsibly?
With a 20-year-old, it would of course be absurd to say: «You can only use your smartphone for one hour a day.» With a five-year-old, on the other hand, you have to set clear limits in the interests of the child's health. There is a development process between these two poles, which will hopefully show that children are increasingly using their devices for meaningful things and are not victims of technology and algorithms. Parents need to respond and react accordingly to this permanent process of change.
We were in a hut without a mobile phone. At first, the children weren't thrilled. Today they say it was one of the best holidays ever.
Doesn't it also depend on a child's character how interested they are in digital devices?
Of course, there are individual preferences. But as I said, parents have the greatest influence on their children's development: they are the role models from whom their offspring learn a lot. When we talk about digital media consumption among children and young people, parents must therefore first ask themselves: How do I handle this? Do we have internal family rules that everyone must adhere to, such as «no mobile phones at mealtimes»? Are there mobile phone-free days?
What is it like in your family?
We always have days when everyone puts their smartphone away, including the parents. For example, we once spent a holiday in a hut at an altitude of 2,000 metres in the mountains with no reception. At first, the girls, who already had smartphones at the time, were not enthusiastic. But from the third day onwards, the atmosphere became very relaxed. During the day we looked for mushrooms in the forest, and in the evening we got out board games. The girls still say today: «That was one of the best holidays ever!»
