«You will make the right decisions»

"My 15-year-old daughter recently travelled to London on her own to spend her holidays there with a youth group and attend a language school. She largely organised her departure and arrival herself. She was also on her own in London. I thought this step towardsindependence was good and important, although it was a real lesson in letting go for me.

Of course, as a mother, I'm not completely carefree when my teenage daughter is travelling alone in London! I could have called or messaged Johanna all the time. But I deliberately didn't do that. What kind of attitude towards her would this questioning have conveyed?

I sometimes look away because I don't want to overprotect my children.

I am very sure that one of the reasons our two children have such healthy self-esteem is because their father and I have taught them that we trust them. From an early age, we have shown them that we believe they will cope well with life and the many challenges they face.

It started in the playground: I remember avoiding sayings like «Watch out, you could fall off». If I knew rationally that my child could manage a climbing frame, I simply turned round and looked away in moments of fear.

Now that they're both becoming independent, I'm basically doing nothing else. I sometimes look the other way because I don't want to overprotect them. That doesn't mean that they are allowed to decide completely on their own what is allowed and that we as parents don't set any rules.

For example, coming home alone from a party late at night is a no-go. They should rather call me and I'll pick them up. I am also aware of the dangers they face in everyday life.

I know that many of my peers smoke pot and drink a lot of alcohol. It would be naïve to assume that my two children, of all people, would have no interest in this at all.

But my children have not become strangers to me in the tea time. I usually know pretty well what moves, delights or worries them.

Ever since they were little, I've followed a piece of educational advice I was given as a young mum: «If your child wants to talk, regardless of whether it's convenient for you, listen.» I took this to heart - with the result that my children told me a lot and still tell me a lot today.

This closeness is a good basis for trust. I trust them to make the right decisions. And I also show them that I have confidence in life myself."