«You have to expect everything, even the good!»

Mr Joos, many parents have mixed feelings about school interviews. What helps them to get a grip on their own tension?

For me, good preparation and an appropriate framework for such a discussion are essential, as this creates security for everyone involved. Everyone should know: Why are we meeting, who is taking part, what topics are to be discussed, what is the aim of the meeting and what time frame is available? I encourage parents to ask the inviting teacher about these framework conditions in advance.

And how do I prepare myself as a mum or dad?

As preparation, I recommend that parents write down what they definitely want to address in the interview and what they would like the school or teacher to do for their child. This «cheat sheet» is reassuring as you can use it as a reminder at any time during the interview. For some people, it is a relief if their partner or a trusted person also takes part in the conversation. I recommend agreeing participation with the teacher in advance. And last but not least, my experience is that the most can be achieved with a positive attitude, true to the motto «You have to expect everything, even the good!». If the participants in the dialogue believe that the other party is also interested in a constructive solution, a different atmosphere prevails, which is both more pleasant and more conducive to achieving goals - especially when problems are raised.

Let's assume that my child is finding school difficult because, for example, he or she has difficulty concentrating or has a reading and spelling difficulty. What can I do to ensure that the teacher addresses my concerns in this regard?

A good relationship with the class or subject teacher is of course always helpful. It is therefore worth making contact as early as possible and asking for a discussion. In order to get the teacher on board, I think it is important to prepare for the discussion by asking the following questions: How can we describe our observations about our child as vividly and concisely as possible? Where do we see our child's strengths and weaknesses? Are there situations in which the weaknesses are less or not at all significant? How do we try to solve these problems at home? What has proved successful from our point of view? To what extent could these solutions be transferred to the school situation? What do we as parents want from the school for our child?

What should mums and dads look out for during the interview?

It is important to be open to the teacher's observations and assessments and - even if there are different points of view - to engage in a dialogue. A helpful formulation could be: «We notice in everyday life that our son or daughter has difficulties in these situations. Do you have a similar impression at school?» If there are already diagnoses or assessments from third parties such as doctors or speech therapists, I advise parents to bring these to the discussion or even make them available to the teachers in advance. Discussions about the cause of the weakness are then often unnecessary and the focus can be on finding a solution. If teachers and parents manage to generate as many ideas for solutions as possible together, such as targeted support in class and at home, learning therapy, changing the framework conditions for the child's exams, there is a greater chance that a common path will emerge.

Sometimes parent-teacher discussions are also very unproductive and there is mutual recrimination.

Unfortunately, we humans tend to look for and localise the cause of problems or the problem itself within individuals, instead of including situational factors such as the environment and the context in the assessment. For example, disruptive behaviour in class, poor school performance or even truancy are usually seen as a characteristic of the child and the child is therefore labelled as a «problem pupil» - or the teacher and parents blame each other for the problem. This view does not do justice to the complexity of most school problems and often even leads to a worsening of the situation.

What would be the alternative?

From my experience, I can say that the relationship between parents and teachers plays a decisive role in solving school problems. If the blame is passed back and forth or the authority of the other is questioned, there is usually no positive change. In this case, the child either feels let down by both or starts to play them off against each other. However, if parents and teachers manage to pull together and put the child's well-being at the centre by providing support and guidance, new solutions can be found and implemented. To do this, it is necessary to spread the responsibility for the problem over several shoulders.