Year 5 is less bad than you think

Congratulations! Your child is already in fifth grade. It's unbelievable how time flies. On the first day of school, he or she was just strolling alongside you with curious eyes, and now he or she is one of the oldest children on the playground.

And yet big sentences are buzzing around in his head: «Now it's going to be really difficult. Only half a day off school each week. The grades from the second half already count towards transfer. Will I be able to manage a second foreign language, French, as well as English? Will I get into grammar school or secondary school?»

Every child is different

This is the third time I've started fifth grade in the canton of Zurich. With my daughter, 21, it quickly became clear that she would be a grammar school pupil. She was a classic self-starter: easy-going, hard-working, cheerful, interested and independent. She is now studying at the University of Zurich.

The older son, 17, was different to his sister. He also wanted to go to grammar school because his best friends wanted him to. But with a five as a preliminary grade, I was sceptical about his wish. He made it anyway, an amazing achievement, but didn't pass the probationary period and then transferred to secondary school.

I have experienced both paths: secondary school and grammar school. Both went well.

After the summer holidays, my youngest son, 10, will be in fifth grade. And I have to smile. The sword of Damocles of transferring has shrunk to the size of a (blunt) pocket knife. Because I've experienced both paths: secondary school and grammar school. And both turned out well.

Let the child grow into it

The changes your child will go through in the next two years are immense and incredibly moving. The cocoon of childhood is becoming more and more permeable, puberty with all of its hullabaloo is already noticeable.

Girls' breasts sprout, boys' feet grow ahead of them, armpit and genital hair grows and regular showers become a constant issue. Moods become unstable, doors are often broken.

If the son was just ultra-cool in front of his mates, the next moment he's snuggled up under the armpits of mum or dad in the safety of his own four walls and would just like to be little. A mixture that is as delicate as it is explosive.

So let your child grow into this fifth grade. As relaxed as possible. So much is happening internally and externally.

How did I experience my own school days? What fears from that time do I transfer to my child?

How to take the pressure off

The best way to support your child is to focus on yourself first: How did I experience my own time at school? What fears from this time do I transfer to my child? How do I deal with stress? What about breaks in life? For myself? For my family?

Also take a critical look at your child's everyday life. Do they really need three hobbies? Do they enjoy their instrumental lessons or is it more of a pain? How much space does my child have to socialise, play freely and relax? Does he or she spend most of his or her time indoors or outdoors?

The child still looks up to you. You are his role model and inspiration. Can you laugh at yourself? Do you talk openly about your feelings? Do you like yourself the way you are? As a mother, you shape your child's view of the female gender; as a father, you shape your child's view of the male gender.

Listening instead of commanding

Everyday family life is demanding. We quickly slip into the command form: «Do your homework! Please tidy your room! Remember that... You should still... Do this, do that!» Questions of interest to the child such as «Would you like a cuddle? How are you feeling? What do you need from me? Would you like to rest for a moment?» are quickly swallowed up by the hectic pace of everyday life. Yet they do us all so much good.

Or simply listen. It's not that easy, and my older children later reproached me from time to time: «Mum, you listen so badly.» I'm trying to do better. It's exciting to see the doors that open.

Even difficult times pass

Perhaps you are annoyed by what you have read so far because you are going through a difficult time with your child. Perhaps your child is being bullied, the teachers are constantly changing, the class constellation is unfavourable, homework is not going well, your child is tired and constantly stressed. I can sympathise with you.

Trust that your child will find its way.

When my eldest son moved from grammar school to secondary school, difficult years followed. The school had a bad reputation, which was confirmed. The relationship with the teachers was difficult. My son's motivation at school plummeted.

However, the search for an apprenticeship awakened unimagined powers. My son really blossomed and is now a year away from completing his apprenticeship. During this time, he has undergone an impressive metamorphosis in terms of personal responsibility, discipline and perseverance that he would probably not have experienced as a secondary school pupil.

The bottom line: even difficult times pass and things can change quickly. Gymi is by no means the only option. Trust that your child will find their way. And treat yourself to lots of good things.