Why we should take exam nerves seriously

A certain amount of excitement before exams is normal and can also be beneficial for concentration. However, there are children and young people in almost every class who suffer from exam nerves. They can't fall asleep before tests, are sometimes nervous days beforehand or complain of stomach ache and nausea.

They rarely receive help. Especially not if they are high-achieving pupils who work hard and get good grades.

Exam nerves need the credible assurance that they are allowed to make mistakes.

Teachers often hardly notice this problem because these children and young people are pleasant and well-adjusted in class. And you also often hear parents say things like: «She's very nervous before exams. But she's good.»

This sentence is often accompanied by a lack of understanding: «There's no need for exam nerves, you've always done well so far, you can do it, I believe in you!» Such statements do not usually lead to relaxation and more self-confidence in people with exam nerves. Instead, they begin to feel ashamed of their fears and no longer address them.

What exam nerves fear

One student told me: «My parents can't imagine me failing or getting a bad grade. They would certainly have a completely different image of me!» Exam nerves attach immense importance to grades: «If I don't pass the exam, my parents and my teacher will be disappointed in me» or «If I get a failing grade, I'll be a total failure» and «If I blush or lose my train of thought during a presentation, everyone will laugh at me».

They are not afraid of the bad grade per se, but that it will jeopardise their social position, their relationships and their self-worth. Such worries are often countered with good arguments: «But you've already achieved so much that you can be proud of!»

This inevitably meets with resistance from people who are anxious about exams. This is due to their way of dealing with successes and failures. They usually attribute the former to external circumstances: «The exam was easy. Everyone got through it» or «The teacher was just being nice to me».

Failures, on the other hand, are mercilessly attributed to a lack of talent: «If I get a bad grade, everyone will see that I'm stupid!» or as another student put it, «Deep down, I know that I'm a failure. And a bad grade would confirm that and everyone could see it.»

Show your child or your pupils that their value does not depend on grades.

People with test anxiety have a limited self-worth. They measure their value as a person very strongly in terms of their achievements and external validation. Failure therefore becomes an immense threat. For some, it almost feels as if their life, or at least their future, is at stake with every test. Parents and teachers can provide relief:

Tips for dealing with exam anxiety

Show your child or your pupils that their value does not depend on grades. Exam nerves need credible reassurance that they are allowed to make mistakes. In counselling sessions, I have given many students the task of talking to their parents about how they would react if they failed.

It is incredibly good for these children and young people if their parents can credibly reassure them that they will not be angry, disappointed, stressed or sad if their child fails. And that instead they will be there, support their child and love them just as much as they would if they brought home a good grade.

Show exam nerves that they are not alone. Many students are ashamed of their fears: «What if I blush?» or «I hope the others don't see that I'm nervous!».

Before her students' first presentation, a secondary school teacher mentioned that she was often afraid of giving presentations when she was at school. She described her thoughts such as «I hope it's over soon» or «What if I lose the thread or suddenly can't speak anymore?».

Teach your child that learning is more important than grades.

Young people in their class reported similar worries and realised that the others felt the same way! Although some of them were still afraid when giving presentations, they felt that the others could see their nervousness and supported them instead of judging them. In such an atmosphere, it is easy to become a little braver each time and to speak more freely.

Teach your child that learning is more important than grades. Not only exam nerves, but also parents and teachers often place too much emphasis on grades. I have often found that it is motivating and at the same time relaxing for pupils if they set their goals differently. Instead of «I want a good grade in English», the goal could be: «I want to be able to read challenging English texts and hold simple conversations by the end of my school years.»

If we focus on the next report card grade, we can win or lose at learning. If we concentrate on learning a language or expanding our general knowledge, we can use every lesson to improve and enjoy our progress.

As parents and teachers, we can help children and young people to formulate their own goals and enjoy their progress instead of constantly observing how their offspring are performing.

We can all contribute to social change. A father once said to me that children also have to get used to the fact that we live in a meritocracy in which there are winners and losers.

What if, instead, we all worked to change that a little and helped children and young people to find the right place for them instead of showing them where they stand in comparison to others?

A noticeable change has been taking place in our schools for some years now. More attention is being paid to the child and lessons are being more individualised. Many places are experimenting with alternative forms of assessment. For example, one teacher told me the following: "In our school, pupils learn maths in learning workshops.

They decide for themselves when they feel ready for the test. If they pass, they can continue with the material. If they don't, they go over the content again." In this way, students don't feel like they are being judged as a person through exams, but simply see what they can already do and whether they need to invest some more time and practice - a poor performance becomes a snapshot and can be improved.

The examination tasks are compiled and sometimes also evaluated by a computer programme in order to reduce the teacher's workload. The effort associated with individualisation is thus absorbed by appropriate teaching materials and not by the individual teacher.

Last but not least, I would like to encourage you to seek help. Exam nerves can often be treated well - for example in psychotherapy or as part of a learning coaching programme.

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