Why diary writing helps many children
World events and everyday experiences trigger complex reactions in children. Writing in a diary can help to process negative feelings. Just as it can reinforce positive feelings. Elin, Yara and Flavia use pen and paper for both.
When Elin Bättig takes out her pink-coloured diary and types in the secret code to open it, a cheerful pop song plays. It loudly announces what the seven-year-old then does for herself in silence: writing. She prefers to retreat to the cosiest corner of her room, where a canopy with colourful lights shields her from the rest of the family home in Richterswil. The first-grader sits down on the yellow-covered air mattress, protected from view by a light blue shelf. She reads page after page about the excursions she has been on. «When I reread these sentences, I feel it all inside me again. Or it reminds me that I want to experience something wonderful again.» The girl leans back and relaxes, her brown eyes bouncing from line to line, she seems content.
Grant privacy, strengthen self-efficacy
Andrea Horn, a psychologist at the University of Zurich, is familiar with this phenomenon. During an internship in Mexico City, she herself came into contact with the work of psychologist James W. Pennebaker, who focussed on therapeutic writing in the 1980s and documented it in studies. A therapeutic effect that diary writing can also have and which she has since explored in depth both in research and in practice. «Writing down beautiful moments offers the opportunity to capture them and relive them later» - both the experiences and the positive feeling associated with them. Sylvia Winnewisser also emphasises this effect. The Wiesbad-based author and alternative practitioner for psychotherapy has studied the healing effect of writing in detail: «Writing creates a kind of photo of the experience. This allows you to preserve a successful experience and recall it later.» Pen and paper: simple tools that - if they also record the path to the experience of success - can even influence self-efficacy.
There may be someone in the room. The main thing is that nobody looks at exactly what I'm writing
says nine-year-old Yara.
In the next room, Elin's sister Yara rustles through loose sheets of paper on her white desk. Pencils, erasers and sharpeners are within easy reach. There are also different sizes of finely patterned books and exercise books. The nine-year-old has not just one diary, but several among her personal possessions and divides them into different functions. In the memory book, she records experiences with collected tickets and other memorabilia, a small box contains events and thoughts that she has perceived as negative, and Yara writes in the small secret book with a special pen whose ink can only be read with a special lamp designed for this purpose.
In general, it is important to her that nobody takes a look at her documents. «I'm happy for someone to be in my room when I'm writing something down. That doesn't bother me with my mum or dad. The main thing is that nobody looks at what I'm writing.» In the eyes of psychologist Horn, maintaining this privacy is important: «Parents should then withdraw and not ask any questions. Incidentally, this is also good for the child's development of autonomy.» This is a moment when schoolchildren should simply be left alone. In the knowledge that they have an attentive friend with them in the form of their diary. White pages that listen patiently.
A logbook that documents your own development
Flavia Geiser found such a friend in «Lulu». That's what she called her very first diary, to which she confided her first experiences at the age of seven. Today, at eleven, the Wettingen native smiles every now and then when she deciphers the still somewhat uncertain writing of her first-grade self: «It seems so unimportant to me now.» It's difficult to explain this feeling as she runs her fingers over the fluffy cover of her first paper companion.
Not all children want to write
Not all children share an enthusiasm for writing. For some, it is enough to hold a pencil during school lessons, while others are put off by a blank page that has to be filled with words. Boys in particular are less likely to pick up a pencil and book than girls. Of course, there are other methods of processing experiences in a child-friendly way:
Drawing book
Drawings often depict children's experiences. So why not get a sketchbook? They can use colourful pencils to draw whatever is on their mind.
Worry dolls
The delicate, handmade dolls from Guatemala and Mexico not only look pretty with their fine threads knotted in colourful patterns and fit in every child's hand, they are also there to capture moods. When they are taken out of the cloth bag, each of the six to eight little dolls can be entrusted with a worry. Overnight under the pillow, they ensure that worries no longer seem quite so serious in the morning.
Holiday diary
If writing a diary is a big step, a holiday diary can make it easier to get started. By recording their experiences, children find a way to collect and organise their experiences. This keeps positive memories alive for longer and paves the way for a pen and book in everyday life.
Mums and dads also need to process
At the moment, the world has a lot to offer mums and dads who are worried about the future of their own children. There are also very personal questions about family and couple life. There is often little time to reflect on yourself and your everyday life. A biro and a book with blank pages can be quickly obtained and can help both adults and children to sort out their own thoughts. So why not write a diary as a mum or dad too?
Horn explains this external view of herself with the development that children go through during these years: «Views change a lot during this time, and so does the weighting of what is perceived as important.» Flavia carefully closes the door to her room before pulling out her current diary. It is a «Happy Self Journal» that she received as a gift from her godmother. «I enjoy writing much more now than I used to, probably because it's easier for me.» She endeavours to be regular. Her book has a page for every day of the year, and three positive events can also be listed. «I usually leave them out. If I've already written a lot at school, I sometimes don't feel like doing it at home.» She is much more likely to tell the blank pages about the weekend, then the experiences are more varied.
Get off the thought carousel
Yara, who is two years younger, confirms this feeling: «I usually feel more like writing at weekends and during the holidays, that's when you experience more.» After school and homework, she also sometimes lacks the motivation to pick up a pen in her nursery. «It also takes time to confront your own feelings associated with experiences again,» says psychologist Horn, picking up the thread. Self-reflection takes energy. «As parents, it is important never to exert pressure in this context. Writing only makes sense if it is completely in line with individual needs.»
Writing offers security without having to fulfil certain requirements: Blank paper reacts with favour.
Because Flavia's daily routine as a fifth-grader is structured by school and homework, she usually sits down at her desk in the evening with her diary: «Depending on what I've written down, my thoughts continue to circle and I go to bed afterwards.» For psychologist Horn, this is a logical consequence; she advocates scheduling some time between writing and a follow-up action. «Writing itself triggers feelings. For example, if something sad is described, the mood afterwards can be depressed.» Parents should therefore withdraw when the child opens the diary, but it is advisable to remain on standby in order to be able to pick up the child's mood afterwards: «It is important to signal to the child that their needs are being taken seriously.» Particularly in the case of difficult emotions, this could also be the desire for calm.
Alone or in company: Elin likes both, depending on her mood. «Whenever I'm writing about beautiful things, I don't mind the noise around me, so the door to my room doesn't have to be closed.» But there are also moments when she throws it shut noisily behind her. That's when she wants to vent her anger on blank diary pages. A process that can be just as healing as reliving positive feelings through writing, even in the face of loss or defeat.
«The events that are described are named once again in concrete terms. This allows the writer to gain distance,» explains Sylvia Winnewisser. Andrea Horn is also convinced that finding words for what has been experienced and therefore ultimately also for the feelings that were experienced is an important step in dealing with emotions. «Sorting out diffuse feelings can open a door to a new order and thus initiate a processing process.»
A process that creates opportunities for shaping the future: although the confrontation can be stressful, emotions can be better categorised or even put aside. Not only that, but it is also easier to talk about depressing experiences afterwards, says Horn. «The words that children find for their own stories make them easier to share and more likely to confide in people close to them.»
How writing can help you open up to others
Confide in a diary or another person and your worries are forgotten, as the saying goes: a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved? Unfortunately, it's not that simple, says Horn: «Sharing your thoughts with someone always harbours the risk of being misunderstood.» As a result, the person who has dared to share their thoughts feels exposed and small. However, if you succeed in sharing your own thoughts and feelings with others in such a way that you feel understood, social sharing has a great advantage: «Enduring something together is always better than going through it alone, and sharing joyful things increases happiness,» summarises the psychologist. If an inner reorganisation happens while writing, talking about it also taps into social resources. «Revealing something about yourself opens the door to the other person. This not only allows you to process your own emotions and issues, but also strengthens relationships» - provided that the other person is able to respond.
The letter therefore offers security without having to fulfil certain requirements: Blank paper reacts with favour. But when is self-reflection no longer enough? «Of course, there are limits where the therapeutic effect of writing alone is not enough,» says naturopath Winnewisser. This limit is reached when writing no longer provides relief, but on the contrary, feelings arise that frighten the child and which they are unable to overcome over a longer period of time.
Book tip
According to Horn, this is a condition that usually also manifests itself in other areas of life: «Often, for example, the child can no longer sleep well or is unable to concentrate at school. A child then needs therapeutic support.» Alarm signals that require more than the pages of a diary. In Elin's case, at least for the moment, there doesn't seem to be any cause for concern. She is still sitting with her legs stretched out under the protective canopy, her pink diary open on her slightly bent knee. The sun paints a warm picture on the parquet floor - today the door to the room remains open.
