«When I have to give a lecture, I'm paralysed»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

I always feel really insecure when I have to say something in front of the whole class at school. It totally stresses me out! And giving a presentation completely paralyses me. I often can't go to school at all because I already feel really bad at home. What am I supposed to do?
Mia, 14 years old

Dear Mia
I now know a lot of pupils who suffer from the same kind of stress at school as you do. You are not alone! But I also understand that this is no real comfort.

You describe how you get stressed when you have to say something in front of your class. This shows me that you don't like to attract the attention of others. You probably feel like you're in the spotlight - but you'd actually prefer to be invisible at that moment.

Do I understand you correctly that you are then afraid of coming across as negative or embarrassing? This feeling is obviously so strong in you that you are already under a lot of stress at home. Your body reacts to this stress with discomfort and nausea. Other students, for example, also develop palpitations, tightness in the chest, vomiting, trembling, sweating or they suddenly have to cry.

All of this is a hindrance to coping with a normal school day. Because it takes a lot of energy to cope with these situations. And it is precisely this energy that you then lack for everything else you do at your age: sport, meeting friends, studying, etc. It's no wonder that most people who suffer from stress at school are often very tired.

Facing fear requires courage - but overcoming it will boost your self-confidence.

Bad experiences

You have probably already experienced how one or the other grinned when you were called on by the teacher. And perhaps hurtful remarks were also made or whispered. The risk of being teased by others is of course even higher during a lecture.

It's quite possible that you already had to go through such experiences at primary school. And even though you are older now, these experiences still torment you. Your subconscious catapults these things up every time the whole class looks at you.

If you are also being bullied in your current class - ignored, ridiculed, laughed at, teased and so on - then you should definitely do something about it so that it stops. Your teacher, your school social worker and your parents could help you with this.

One more thing about the lecture: it's important that you don't shirk this task. Many people react to fear with avoidance behaviour - they don't want to expose themselves to this situation again under any circumstances. This is very understandable. Unfortunately, it doesn't help, but only reinforces the fears. Facing fear requires courage - but once you have overcome it, your self-confidence will be strengthened.

Relaxation methods against stress

Prepare for a presentation by standing in front of a mirror and speaking your text slowly and out loud. Use cards with key words. Look in the mirror regularly - into the audience, so to speak. When giving a real presentation, don't look your classmates directly in the face (this could distract or unsettle you), but just above their heads. No one in the audience will notice that you are not looking directly at them. But it gives the desired impression that you are involving the audience during the presentation.

If this is still causing you too much stress, I recommend that you talk to your teacher. Explain to her that you are not just «a little» stressed, but that the problem has become more and more serious and is now almost unbearable for you. Ask her if you could record your presentation on a tablet so that she can watch and evaluate it. It makes sense for your parents to accompany you to such a meeting and support you if the teacher is so accommodating.

To combat your stress at school, I recommend that you regularly use a relaxation method. You can find lots of spoken texts with background music on the internet. With «muscle relaxation», «autogenic training» or «meditation journey», you can let yourself be accompanied to sleep in the evening. These methods will help you in the long term - but only if you practise them for a few weeks.

Try it out, it's worth it!