What type of happiness am I?
Happiness type 1: «We're fine!»
You value a good atmosphere and like to be cosy. A certain level of comfort and security is important to you so that you can relax and feel at ease. You enjoy building a nest with your family where you can stay, and you feel safe when you know the people in your neighbourhood and know that your friends and family are close by. You value continuity in your everyday life. You prefer to stay away from people who spread too much excitement, drama and hustle and bustle.
The majority of people strive for a «good life», in which happiness primarily means contentment.
If you can agree with many of the above statements, then happiness for you means, above all, contentment. And you're in good company: as research conducted by Shigehiro Oishi, professor of psychology at the University of Virginia, in nine countries on different continents shows, the majority of people strive for this kind of «good» life.
Happiness type 2: «I can make a difference and do good!»
For this type of happiness, a meaningful life takes centre stage. You favour this type of happiness when you primarily want to be there for others, do good and dedicate yourself to a cause that is greater than yourself. This could be, for example, a humanitarian service, a commitment to the environment or active participation in a religious community. You may also take pride and satisfaction in being the person in your family or community that holds everything together and that others can rely on.
A small minority seeks passion, sometimes pain, drama and thrills to feel alive.
You are constantly looking for answers to the questions of why you are in the world and what you want to leave behind. It is also natural for you to accept discomfort and make sacrifices in order to make the world a little better. This type of happiness landed in second place on the popularity scale in Shigehiro Oishi's study.
Happiness type 3: «What a ride!»
But perhaps you are more in the mood for adventure and are looking for a «psychologically rich» life? People who pursue this form of happiness primarily want to gather a wide range of experiences. They find comfort and uniformity boring or even oppressive. They would much rather savour everything the world and life have to offer to the full. This can have a cognitive dimension: These people are always immersing themselves in new topics, seeking professional challenges and variety. For others, it involves travelling to remote places, meeting other people or living in foreign cultures. Still others expose themselves to intense emotional experiences.
Ideas about happiness can vary greatly within a family, which can lead to mutual reproach and conflict.
The saying goes: «If you're always happy, you don't know what happiness really is!» is apt for such people. They seek passion, sometimes pain, jealousy, drama and thrills in order to feel alive. If you feel at home in this description, you belong to a small minority - and are probably proud of it.
Advantages and disadvantages of the happiness types
While some readers may be able to clearly categorise themselves as one of these happiness types, others probably feel more like a mixed type. You may also notice that your understanding of a successful life has changed over the years. Ideas of happiness can also vary greatly within a family, which can lead to mutual accusations and conflicts.
The first type of happiness, who is primarily concerned with contentment and security, may be told by those seeking meaning that they are small-minded and selfish: «Where would we end up if everyone focussed only on themselves and their family?» And the adventurous person can only shake their head: «You can't tell me that's enough for you? The same old job? And going to the campsite again? If you never look beyond your own nose, never get involved in what the day brings you, then you're missing out on real life!»
Those seeking meaning have to listen to the accusation that they are losing themselves in all their glorified do-goodery: «Just make sure you don't miss out in the end!» Or: «Now you've spent 15 years working for this cause and this is the thanks you get?»
The adventurous are often seen as immature and exhausting and are often criticised for shirking their responsibilities: «Don't you think it's about time you settled down a bit? It's no fun being on your own when you're old.»
In fact, depending on your philosophy of life, you run the risk of regretting certain aspects in retrospect: when you realise that you perhaps lived too «small»; when you feel disillusioned after many years of sacrifice; when you look around and are suddenly the oldest person at the disco or have failed to cultivate deep connections sufficiently in all your adventurousness.
What do we need for our family happiness?
Perhaps you would like to take a look at the people close to you through the lens of happiness types. Where do you categorise your partner, what about your parents and parents-in-law? Do you currently see a tendency in one direction with your children? And to what extent were there different phases in these people's lives in which different aspects of happiness took centre stage?
We often see our own way of seeking happiness as morally superior or more reasonable.
With these realisations in mind, we can look at our family with curiosity and love and talk about how similar or different we are.
We often see our own way of seeking happiness as morally superior or more sensible than the others, ignoring our own costs while overly recognising them in the others. But if we see all three paths as legitimate, the differences can enrich us.
They can inspire us to consider the following question: At what points would a pinch of routine and security, a sense of adventure or more commitment to a good cause do us good as a family? What am I most likely to blame myself for at the end of my life - and how can I take countermeasures now?
