What to do if the birth invitation causes anxiety?

A mother fears that her son could injure himself at a birthday party in an indoor play hall. She considers declining the invitation. This is what our team of experts says.

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One question - three opinions

My son, 6, is in his second year of kindergarten. He was invited by a friend to a children's birthday party in an indoor play hall. I'm not a fan of this type of leisure activity, and I'm also afraid that my child might hurt himself. Now I'm thinking about telling the birthday boy's mum that we don't have time. What do you think about my behaviour?

Regina, 40, Baden

This is what our team of experts says:


Annette Cina
Being invited to a birthday party and being allowed to attend is important for children. It shows them: People like me, I belong. Parents also usually make an effort to organise the parties in such a way that nothing happens to the children. And not everything that children do has to be educationally valuable. Parties should simply be fun. Don't deny your child this experience. Let your son go to the birthday party and find out for himself whether he likes it. That way, you don't have to fib either.
Peter Schneider
You can do that. But you can also think about the fact that it might be time to jump over your own shadow. First of all, as far as the fear of injury is concerned, this is probably out of all reasonable proportion to the actual dangers lurking. So if we leave this rationalisation aside, the only remaining argument is that your son might enjoy something that you are not a friend of. You will have to live with that, the older your son gets, the more often.
Nicole Althaus
I'm generally not a fan of oversized birthday parties that are more of an event than a children's party. However, you can't change the trends and an invitation is a nice thing for every child. I wouldn't spoil the son's fun. These indoor playgrounds are well supervised and the parents will do their bit to ensure that the little guests don't break any bones. Return the favour with a treasure hunt in the forest. Perhaps you will set a new trend.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
  • Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
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