What to do if parents are severely criticised because of the public school?

Because their daughter was not coping at primary school, her parents sent her to a public school. Now they are being heavily criticised by their friends. This is what our team of experts says.

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One question - three opinions

Our daughter, 8, had a difficult first year at school and ended up going to school in tears. The teacher couldn't meet her learning needs because foreign-language and behavioural problems put too much strain on her. We are now sending the child to a public school, where she has really blossomed. Friends are now criticising us for behaving in an elitist and unsupportive manner. A child has to learn to put up with adverse circumstances. How should we deal with this?

Seraina, 42, and Rolf, 50, Zurich

This is what our team of experts says:

Peter Schneider
Tell your friends to just shut up. If you like, you can also be a little more polite about it. Social tasks and problems must be solved by society and not imposed on individuals and executed on them. You don't get on a bus with broken brakes to make a statement in favour of local public transport. If your daughter is better now, you have not committed a crime against inclusion, but have promoted the well-being of your child.
Annette Cina
You have to learn to deal with adverse circumstances, that's true. However, constant excessive demands rarely lead to positive learning experiences. If a child is unable to cope with the situation, it needs support. Whatever the reasons were: Something at this school was causing your daughter difficulties. Despite efforts from various sides, it was not possible to calm the situation. Sometimes a change of school can help. Don't let yourself be put off. It is not your child's job to solve social problems. You should therefore be pleased that she now enjoys going to school again.
Nicole Althaus
Your daughter's positive development proves you right. Be glad that you can afford a public school. There is also a fair amount of envy in your friends' criticism. I am an ardent supporter of primary school and also think that adaptability is an important educational goal. But the ability to suffer is not. And: you should never prove your own beliefs on the back of another person.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 66, is a psychoanalyst, columnist and satirist. He used to be a professor of educational and developmental psychology at the University of Bremen and is still a private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich. Father and husband of an adult son and an adult wife from and in his first marriage.
  • Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «Wir Eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two grown-up children.
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