The quest for happiness is as old as humanity itself. We pursue it as if it were a secret to be unravelled, a riddle to be solved. In the hope of achieving what the Greek philosopher Aristotle described as happiness: «the highest goal of human life» – not merely pleasure, but fulfilment.
Philosophy seeks to show us the way there, and happiness is also the subject of social research, which uses scientific methods to investigate what constitutes a successful life. Regardless of how one interprets it, one thing seems certain: happiness is also a business. With the promise that we can learn how to achieve it, self-help books and the coaching industry – which generates over five billion dollars in revenue worldwide every year – are luring us in.
From a neurobiological perspective, there are two basic forms of happiness: desire and enjoyment. In other words, wanting something – and then having it and savouring it.
Stefan Klein, physicist and philosopher
A sign from nature
We, too, want to know: what is happiness and where can we find it? How do our genes and external circumstances influence our sense of happiness, and what can we do ourselves to contribute to it? Is happiness, as aphorisms claim, «a choice»? And then there are a few questions that particularly concern parents: To what extent are we responsible for our children's happiness in life? To what extent do the experiences they have with us shape their future well-being? What do children need to be happy?
«Happiness is a signal that nature has devised to show us that we are on the right track,» says physicist and philosopher Stefan Klein.
‘From a neurobiological perspective, there are two basic forms of happiness: desire and enjoyment. In other words, wanting something – and then having it and savouring it. Both encourage us to do things that are good for us. This is how foraging, reproduction and forming bonds with a group work. This gives rise to positive feelings, and through this reward-based learning, the brain signals to us which situations we should repeat.”
Negative emotions work in the opposite way: fear, for example, prompts us to avoid danger. The mechanisms that trigger such emotions, and the way in which we express them, are innate. That is why we experience happiness in a similar way in different situations – whether we are enjoying a good meal or have successfully completed a task.»
Two kinds of happiness
It is not only the natural sciences that are exploring the nature of happiness. Bruno S. Frey is a professor of economics at the University of Basel and is regarded as one of the pioneers of empirical happiness research. «In systematic surveys, we ask thousands of people how satisfied they are with their lives,» says Frey. «In doing so, we gather information on what people need to feel happy.»
Frey distinguishes between two types of happiness: fleeting moments of joy, such as those brought about by the weather, and a fundamental, stable sense of contentment with one's own life – «this is at the heart of empirical happiness research». So what is it that makes people happy?
Frey knows that self-determination and the freedom to shape one's life according to one's own ideas play an important role – which in turn requires a certain level of material prosperity, as well as a political system that allows for participation, security and personal development. «First and foremost, however,» says Frey, «is a good social network.»
Successful relationships are the biggest factor in happiness. They take time and care, which many people underestimate.
Bruno S. Frey, Professor of Economics
Happy is the person who can count on others
This is also the conclusion drawn from almost a century of research. Since 1938, researchers at Harvard University in the US have been following over 2,000 people across three generations to find out what makes us happy. According to the study, it is fulfilling relationships – these carry more weight than career or social status and give us a sense of connection and belonging.
People who can rely on others therefore regard their own lives as more fulfilling. It appears to make no difference whether people are in a relationship or not, nor does the number of social contacts matter. What is more important is the quality and depth of existing relationships.
Robert Waldinger, the current director of the Harvard study, emphasises one thing above all else in his book *The Good Life*: that we should make an effort to form and nurture social connections, because, just like muscles, relationships need to be maintained. «That is the most important thing I have personally taken away from happiness research,» says economist Frey. «Relationships take time and care. Many people underestimate this factor in happiness.»
A rocky start, but they've come a long way: resilient children
Friedrich Lösel knows that, for children, relationships can turn things round for the better when everything else goes wrong. The German psychologist was one of the first in Europe to research what we mean by resilience: the ability to adapt to adversity, to cope with crises and suffering, and yet still maintain a positive outlook on life in the long term.
Resilience research is, so to speak, research into happiness under difficult circumstances. Lösel wanted to find out why some children grow up to be healthy, contented adults despite a difficult start in life.
People who believe that their own actions make a difference are usually more proactive and confident.
Eva Asselmann, psychologist
In Bielefeld, from the early 1990s onwards, he supported the development of a group of boys and girls in children's homes. Just over half of them went off the rails as teenagers, came into conflict with the law and dropped out of school. The others, despite unfavourable circumstances, developed well, integrated into society, did well at school and had a positive outlook on life.
Years earlier, developmental psychologist Emmy Werner had observed something similar in Hawaii, where she had been documenting the development of 700 children since 1955. Among them were 200 who had been classified as a «high-risk group» because they were growing up in particularly precarious conditions. As adults, most of them struggled with the same problems as their parents: addiction, unemployment, crime and mental health issues. But not all of them – 72 of the 200 children at risk had gone on to become contented, well-adjusted adults.
Shaping your life rather than just putting up with it
Why is it that, both in Bielefeld and in Hawaii, certain «at-risk children» have come through unscathed, whilst their peers from similar backgrounds have failed? «There was at least one person in their childhood who believed in them, encouraged them and stood by them,» says researcher Lösel. «Relatives, neighbours, carers or teachers were able to act as trusted figures and positive role models, thereby mitigating the influence of a dysfunctional family home.»
According to Lösel , the early experience of secure attachment – ideally with at least one parent – is the greatest source of protection in life. «But it is also possible for other significant adults to provide the child with the warmth and security that are so important for healthy development. Good relationships outside the family are among the most important factors in resilience – even for children who receive sufficient affection at home.»
One key to happiness is knowing your own strengths and knowing where you can put them to good use.
Willibald Ruch, psychologist
Incidentally, the resilient children from the studies in question had something else in common: they believed they could make a difference. In interviews, for example, they stated that difficulties at school could be overcome through hard work. They had the confidence to tackle challenges under their own steam.
Eva Asselmann knows that people who believe they can influence their own lives, rather than being helplessly at their mercy, tend to be happier, healthier and more successful at school and at work. «This has been well researched,» says the German psychologist, who studies the link between personality and well-being. «People who believe that their own actions make a difference are usually more proactive, more confident and more positive.»
Personal experiences of success are important
This confidence often develops at an early age, through small successes such as solving a difficult task or independently overcoming everyday challenges, through which the child gradually gains greater confidence in their abilities. Over the years, this helps to consolidate a sense of self-efficacy and a willingness to take control of one's own life. «Parents who do everything for their child rob them of the experience of being able to overcome challenges.»
«Helping people to help themselves» is Anton Bucher's answer to the question of what children need to be happy, «apart from loving and reliable caregivers.» The Swiss theologian and educationalist teaches at the University of Salzburg and is one of the few happiness researchers who focus on children. Over the years, he has asked them on several occasions how they define happiness and what makes them happy.
He recalls how an eleven-year-old girl described her happiest moment to him: she was learning to ride a bike and said her father was still holding onto the luggage rack – until she realised she'd left him behind and he shouted: «You can do it!» This episode has stayed with him, says Bucher, «it shows what holds true even at a young age: what makes us happy is what we've achieved ourselves.»
Why part-time jobs make you happy
Research from the US shows that teenagers with part-time jobs are happier than their peers without them. Those surveyed attribute their happiness not only to financial factors, but also to the greater sense of autonomy and recognition that their part-time jobs provide. «Children who are given their own responsibilities at an early age look back on their lives with greater satisfaction as adults,» says personality researcher Willibald Ruch. This was revealed by interviews with participants in the Harvard study mentioned at the beginning, who had aged particularly happily.
Ruch is Professor Emeritus of Personality Psychology at the University of Zurich and has researched the link between personality traits and happiness. He knows that fulfilment means – amongst other things – being able to make use of one's own strengths. «A key to happiness is therefore knowing one's own strengths and knowing where we can put them to good use.»
It is not just about feeling good, but also about doing good: «Giving life meaning, seeking out activities in which we can lose ourselves, fostering good relationships, achieving things and creating something.»
What helps: Focusing your attention time and again on what's going well.
Anton Bucher, theologian and educator
What we can learn from the unlucky ones
Some people are happier than others, even when life has not been kind to them. «Up to half of the differences in our sense of happiness are genetically determined,» says psychologist Asselmann. Our genes influence, for example, whether we are prone to negative feelings or tend to be optimistic, calm or anxious, extroverted or introverted.
«Genes form the basis,» says Asselmann, «but they do not determine our destiny. Environmental experiences also shape our life satisfaction – and there is considerable scope here that we can help shape through our behaviour.» Happiness researcher Bucher notes that gratitude has proven to be one of the most effective strategies for increasing one's own life satisfaction.
However, this needs to be cultivated, which means: «Consciously focusing our attention, time and again, on what is going well.» According to Bucher, we can learn a great deal from those whose plans have been thwarted by misfortune: «My sister, who works at the paraplegia centre, often tells me about female patients who are overjoyed simply because they've managed to brush their teeth on their own. What is an everyday occurrence for us, they experience as a profoundly joyful moment.»
Happiness is therefore also a matter of perspective – one which, at best, sharpens one's sense of what really matters or one's ability to find joy in the little things. That may sound clichéd, but it is clearly a point that cannot be dismissed out of hand. US researchers set out to find out how a drastic change in life shapes people. For their study, they followed lottery millionaires and people who had become paraplegic following accidents and were now wheelchair users.
«Two years after the fateful event, the accident victims’ levels of happiness differed only slightly from those of the lottery millionaires,» says Bucher. «The euphoria of the lottery winners had faded, and the accident victims had adapted to their situation more quickly than expected. They had learnt to appreciate the simple joys of everyday life, which the lottery millionaires were less able to enjoy.» According to Bucher, it is also scientifically proven that people who are helpful are happier: «Giving something to others also lifts our own spirits.»
Criticism of the «dictate of happiness»
So can happiness be learnt, as bestsellers would have us believe? Psychologist Ruch prefers to put it this way: «Traits that are conducive to our sense of happiness can be cultivated.» Traditional psychology focuses primarily on psychological deficits. It has little to offer people who are not ill but would like to know what they can do to improve their quality of life. «I think that's a shame. You can also practise courage instead of treating fear,» says Ruch. «This approach isn't well received everywhere. Sigmund Freud said that happiness isn't part of the human blueprint. I reckon: happy people are bad for business.»
Developing strengths rather than addressing weaknesses – this is the principle behind Ruch's discipline, positive psychology, which is often the subject of criticism. In their bestseller *The Happiness Dictate*, sociologist Eva Illouz and psychologist Edgar Cabanas argue against the idea that we alone are the architects of our own happiness: «Today, it is up to us to block out negative feelings, optimise ourselves and practise mindfulness. Then, so the promise of salvation goes, happiness will follow.»
The greatest gift we can give children is to believe in them and let them know: «You can do it!»
Anton Bucher, theologian and educator
The two critics argue that difficult emotions are pathologised rather than being seen as part of human reality, whilst resilience is portrayed as something that can be optimised in the same way as calorie intake. Accordingly, anyone who feels unhappy is «insufficiently optimised» – and, above all, has only themselves to blame. In this way, they argue, the diktat of happiness fosters a society that places all responsibility for a good life on the individual, rather than acting collectively.
What does psychologist Ruch have to say on this? «To a certain extent, we can determine what sort of person we want to be, and work on virtues such as kindness, a sense of humour, diligence or generosity, which serve our own well-being and that of others,» he says. «It's hardly fair to conclude from this that crises have no place in a successful life, that happiness lies solely in our own hands, and that it is bestowed only upon those who see everything in a positive light. Self-help authors who make such claims generally have no scientific background.»
Children are tougher than we think
Finally, what is the most important thing that happiness research teaches us about children? «That the overwhelming majority of them are happy,» says educationalist Bucher. Anyone who asks children themselves about their well-being will get a different impression to that portrayed in the media, where the focus is on a childhood characterised by a crisis in parenting, mental health problems and media addiction.
«Children are more resilient than we think,» says Bucher. «They have the ability to respond to changing environmental conditions and, in most cases, can cope with them or turn them to their advantage.»
Yes, the world has changed, says Bucher: «It's always been that way. Even in childhood memoirs from the 1800s, we read of authors who are convinced they grew up more carefree than the next generation.» Our own childhood memories are similarly rose-tinted. That's normal, but we shouldn't measure our children's happiness by them – and we should support them with a little more equanimity. «The greatest gift we can give our children is to believe in them,» says Bucher, «and to convey to them: ‹You can do it!›»
