Do you remember when you were happiest? In your teenage years, when (it felt as though) all doors were wide open and you didn't really have any responsibilities apart from, perhaps, looking after yourself? Was it the moment you held your son or daughter in your arms for the first time? Or when, 15 years later, your child came home with a signed apprenticeship contract? Or something completely different, seemingly insignificant?
Over the course of our lives, the reasons behind our sense of happiness change. Whilst a thirst for adventure and pleasure are the main focus in youth, during the «rush hour» – the middle years of family life – it is predominantly what is known as «relief-based happiness». «The relief felt when stress subsides, conflicts are resolved and disaster has been averted,» is how neuroscientist Tobias Esch describes it. We go through this low point between the ages of 40 and 50, after which things start to look up again, Esch promises. My colleague Virginia Nolan interviewed him, alongside other renowned experts, for our «Happiness» feature. You can read these and other fascinating insights into «the greatest of all feelings» here.
Our author Ümit Yoker is the mother of three sons, «whom she is constantly foisting new books on», as she writes following her monthly interview with cultural studies scholar Christine Lötscher. Dear Ümit, I find myself in a similar situation with my daughters. With varying degrees of success. Christine Lötscher, however, offers reassurance: «Anyone who reads aloud to their children and provides them with plenty of exciting reading material shouldn't worry too much: not every child has to enjoy reading. They'll still have good prospects in life. I'm more concerned about those young people who would actually like to read but aren't given enough opportunities to do so.»
Are you friends with your child? Very few mums and dads would probably say so, as parents are supposed to be a guiding light and provide direction for their children – something that doesn't work well on a «buddy» level. In his column, child and adolescent psychologist Fabian Grolimund writes that a friendly relationship and parental guidance do not necessarily have to be mutually exclusive . Quite the opposite, in fact: friendly gestures can even work wonders in the parent-child relationship.
Kind regards,
Yours, Evelin Hartmann
