«We should trust children to do something»
"Looking after yourself and others, honouring agreements and duties: All this means taking responsibility. Our children had their tasks early on. Starting with packing their own bags for sports.
Of course, sometimes something is forgotten, or a hint is needed. But I hold back on that. The older the children get, the more I trust them. Two years ago, Gabriel no longer wanted to go to after-school care, but wanted to spend the two hours after school alone at home in future.
I believe that a mobile phone gives children a false sense of security.
I said: «All right, if you show me that it works.» It does: now he is alone on Tuesdays from 4 to 6 pm, the alarm clock rings before 5 pm. Then he picks Valentina up from after-school care. The other day, Gabriel called my husband to ask if he and Valentina could watch TV. He could have simply switched on the TV, but he didn't.
Responsibility has a lot to do with independence. I don't want to chauffeur the children across the city. So Damian had to find a hobby in the neighbourhood. I travelled a lot with him on public transport. He was very attentive and memorised routes. Damian was eight when he travelled alone on the tram to his Spanish course in the city centre - with a change of trains.
Gabriel is also an independent traveller. He once took the tram in the wrong direction. The children have my number in their wallets and we agreed that if this happened, they would ask the tram driver or a shop for help. That's what Gabriel did. He doesn't have a mobile phone. I think that gives people a false sense of security. A mobile phone distracts children when they should be on the ball. We should trust children to do something.
When one of the children tells me «I can do this on my own now», I try to let go.
Homework is a duty that sometimes gets in the way. I offer a time slot in which I can provide support if needed. It sometimes happens that Damian only realises an hour later that I should quiz him on vocabulary. I am now consistent - and refuse. It was a challenge to pull this off.
When one of the children tells me «I can do this on my own now», I try to let go. Of course there are limits: Damian knows peers whose parents don't know where they are in the evening - a no-go for me."
