«We should abolish Mother's Day»
Do you like Mother's Day? I have a mixed relationship with it. It's not that I don't like being celebrated. I'm vain enough for that. As far as I'm concerned, we could celebrate a lot more. Even for no reason. Out of pure joie de vivre.
But the message behind Mother's Day and the way the whole thing plays out has an oppressive quality. It resembles a «Zältli». At first it tastes sweet, gives pleasure and then sticks annoyingly in the teeth.
What remains is a stale taste of embarrassment and annoyance. In short, there are many good reasons to abolish Mother's Day.
A religious custom from the USA
Just like Halloween, Mother's Day has come over to us from the USA. Since 1917, we in Switzerland have honoured all the mothers of the world on the second Sunday in May. We have the Salvation Army and the Swiss florists' associations to thank for this.
And that's where the gnarls begin: a religiously anchored, patriarchal image of the mother is used for commercial purposes. Yuck.
The patriarchal message of Mother's Day is: «We honour you on this one day. Please keep up the good work without grumbling.»
Gratitude prescribed by the state
Mother's Day then goes something like this: Mum gets to sleep in, something she has long since forgotten. So she tries to ignore the busy chatter in the kitchen and lies blissfully asleep until the children happily trundle up to her bed and ask for a big breakfast.
The table is beautifully set with all kinds of delicacies and decorated with flowers. At mum's place are homemade gifts that the sweet little ones have brought home from school. «You are the best mum in the whole world» is written, embroidered, sewn or felted in spidery writing on the card or gift.
Moved, Mum wipes a tear from the corner of her eye and the children dutifully clear the table again. The state-prescribed gratitude and helpfulness lasts until lunchtime and then diminishes noticeably. In the evening, the status quo usually prevails again. Unless the partner steps in or the children are already teenagers and cook something delicious for dinner.
I don't like either mum medal. I don't like being an angel or an egg-laying wool-milk sow.
Praise for the caring mother
What we understand by the best mother has changed over the last hundred years. Not for the better.
The patriarchal image of the mother celebrates the endlessly patient, comforting and caring mother who sacrificially looks after the house, husband and children. She has an open ear for everyone and selflessly puts her (non-existent) needs last. The message of Mother's Day is: «Thank you, dear mother, for your efforts. We honour you on this one day. Please keep it up without grumbling and don't change a thing.»
Otherwise the whole system will collapse. Mum gets an AHV, but she is completely dependent on her husband for her pension fund and the third pillar. The most glaring example of this is the zero pension provision for female farmers.
Checklist for families:
- What is going particularly well in our family?
- What are we grateful for?
- What would we like to change?
- What dreams do we want to realise?
- What do we want to invite into our lives?
- What do we no longer need and want to let go of?
Mum, the superpower woman
The younger image of the best mum is no less hair-raising. Mum works at least 60%, preferably 80% (but not 100%, otherwise she would be a ravenous mother), ideally in a management position. She often earns 20 per cent less than her colleague in the same position.
The best mum does most of the housework, supports and encourages her child at school and in their leisure activities, remembers all their appointments, looks dazzling with a top-quality figure, is a real babe in bed, has the perfect work-life balance with plenty of time for sport and rest - in short, we're talking about the egg-laying wool-milk sow.
The message here is: «Wow, great! Heidi Klum keep it up! Maybe you could go one better.» After all, there's always a mum who does it even better, even more perfectly. Gag! That's pure self-sabotage.
I don't like either mum medal. I don't like being either an angel or a woolly milk sow. Excessive idealisation and unrealistically high performance expectations have no place in motherhood. They either lead to long-term imprisonment or exhaustion depression.
«Family Day» instead of Mother's Day
I would rather be human with all my shortcomings. To be part of a family and not its (secret) head. I want to celebrate the great togetherness and want all family members to play an active role in shaping everyday life.
So let's celebrate «Family Day» instead of Mother's Day! This also integrates the new generation of fathers, who are becoming more and more involved and want to participate equally in parenting and housework.
Let's abolish the crumbly Father's Day, which is neither recognised nor celebrated, at the same time as Mother's Day. Let's celebrate Family Day in all its rainbow colours: In other words, in all gender combinations, together, single or separate parenting and across all generations.
Let's celebrate what makes us strong: mutual respect, appreciation, joy, goodwill and at the end of the day, or even better: gratitude that comes from the heart every day.
