We are sinking into chaos
There they are again: the blissfully smiling children in pastel-coloured dresses. Lost in the world, they play in their light-flooded children's rooms. Wooden shelves on the wall display a few carefully selected Montessori-style toys - like artefacts in a museum.
Minimalism. Apart from the colour-coordinated carpets, there is nothing on the floor. A multi-row bookshelf, lovingly stocked with educational children's literature, awaits curious readers. And over there, the spotlessly tidy wooden table with a cosy chair invites you to do handicrafts and learn. Clothes hang in rows on a clothes rail and small craft baskets hide underwear and socks.
I put my mobile phone down with a sigh and let my gaze wander through our living room. Not a trace of minimalist Montessori romance in carefully coordinated pastel colours! Instead: six toy boxes on the shelf, so full to the brim that they regularly jam, with a Lego fire station on top (where are the missing parts hiding?); a bookshelf that bends under the weight and likes to shed its contents; the railway tracks on the carpet next to the coffee table, which, according to my son, «absolutely, but definitely have to stay there until tomorrow».
When exactly did our living room turn into an indoor arcade?
Welcome to the club
I think of the complaints from other parents in our circle of friends: «I feel like I'm tidying up all day, but the children are always quicker at making a mess!», «You tidy everything up and after five minutes it looks like a bomb has gone off in our flat again», «How are you supposed to get all this stuff under control? Our children are constantly bringing home artwork from school and kindergarten, plus the stones, chestnuts and sticks from the walks, the presents from friends and relatives. It never ends», "This mess that my child spreads everywhere makes me really tingly and unbalanced. When there's so much lying around and standing around, I quickly get the strange feeling that I no longer have life under control.
If you are one of those parents who quickly become stressed by objects lying around and would like to have a tidier home, welcome to the club! For this reason, I have spent the last few weeks asking various families about their most helpful tidying tips and organising strategies and have read various books on the subject. Here is my summary.
Insight 1: They use simple organisation systems
Tidying up and keeping things tidy can quickly overwhelm families. The simplest possible organisation systems seem to help here: clothes are placed in the chest of drawers instead of being hung up, toys are shovelled into different play boxes instead of being sorted, school materials are given a colour for each school compartment, are integrated into this colour and are stored together in a roll box with compartments so that they can be moved flexibly to the respective learning location. This makes tidying up less strenuous and quickly creates a tidy overall picture from the outside. This takes the pressure off and gives new self-confidence.
Insight 2: They define fixed «parking spaces» for their things
I recently received a useful tip from a mum of three children. She told me: «With three children, it's easy to get bogged down in chaos. So I look to see where things are most often left lying around. I then look for a suitable «car park» with the children and always guide them to park things correctly.» Each child has a marked «school desk parking space» in the entrance area and the same place for jackets and shoes. On their chest of drawers next to the front door, the family of five has set up a small shelf for open post and a paper tray for envelopes.
Many families have found it useful to rotate toys, i.e. to put some of them away and then rotate them again.
Insight 3: You sort out regularly
Regularly sorting things out with children is exhausting. They are often reluctant to part with toys, even if they hardly use them any more. But how about selling them at a flea market to supplement their pocket money? Or donating toys and clothes to children in need and feeling like you are doing good?
Many families have also found it useful to rotate toys, i.e. to temporarily store some of them in the cellar and then rotate them again and again. This reduces the amount of unused toys in the living room and allows children to rediscover familiar things again and again.
Insight 4: They adhere to the principle of «clean up one thing first, then pull out the next»
How relieving it is when you manage to teach children that they only pick up a new game when the old one has been tidied up. I realise time and again how much support and perseverance is needed to implement this. This is not so easy to do in an everyday life where the children often play on their own and we adults are busy with (house) work. For our part, we are still practising. But perhaps you are already one step further?
In our circle of family and friends, we have started to do without unnecessary gifts.
Insight 5: They choose gifts more consciously
Whether for a sporadic visit, a birthday or Christmas: Large and small gifts keep finding their way into the house, some of which are more useful than others. In our circle of family and friends, we have recently started to do without unnecessary little things whenever possible. Instead, we coordinate with each other and only give our friends' children things that they really want or need. We swap individual children's toys with two close families from time to time. This arouses curiosity and you can return unsuitable items without a guilty conscience.
A battle against windmills?
Even the Japanese tidying goddess Marie Kondo, author of the world bestseller «Magic Cleaning: How Tidying Up Changes Your Life», now admits on her personal blog: «When I had my first child, I was frustrated because I couldn't tidy my home the way I wanted to. When I became a mum for the second time, I didn't even have the energy to stick to at least a few of my previous strategies!»
Now Marie Kondo has three children and summarises: «I have somehow given up trying to keep my house as tidy as possible at all times. Motherhood has taught me to be more forgiving of myself. The joy of my children is worth more than any satisfaction I could get from a spotlessly tidy home.»
How comforting, isn't it?
