Use your smartphone mindfully

How much time can my child spend with media? The question seems simple. The answer is not. «Today, it is impossible to set screen time limits that apply to all families and circumstances,» says French psychoanalyst Serge Tisseron. Just a few years ago, he set clear limits with the 3-6-9-12 rule. According to this rule, children under the age of three should not consume any screen media, and children aged twelve should consume a maximum of ten hours a week. At that time, however, screens still mainly meant television.

Today, the rigidity of the 2008 rule is no longer even suitable as a guide, as it raises more questions than it answers. For example, should parents really not show their young children smartphone photos just because they can be seen on a screen? And should pupils have to deduct the time they spend on learning apps from their allotted screen time?

Many experts agree that fixed rules no longer make sense. But how do parents recognise that their children are spending too much time in front of the screen and what should they use as a guide when setting individual rules? What role does their own usage behaviour play in this?

Media rules must become more individualised

Serge Tisseron has made a U-turn when it comes to his media usage rules - moving away from specific guidelines in favour of more general recommendations for various age groups. For example: keep devices in the hands of small children and don't let them use them. Or: discuss with children from the age of six what should and should not be put online. «We need to recognise the enormous creative and interactive potential that digital media has today,» says Tisseron. (You can read the summary of his new recommendations in this article).

Isabel Willemse, media psychologist and psychotherapist specialising in online addiction at the ZHAW Zurich, is also unwilling to commit to time limits(see interview). The duration of use that is harmful for children depends on the character of the individual child and must be assessed by the parents themselves and constantly reviewed and adjusted. This is exhausting, but ensures that parents and children remain in dialogue about media.

Even a standardised definition of problematic media use does not currently exist. Surveys are made more difficult by the fact that modern digital devices combine so many potentially addictive mechanisms. Only computer game addiction is a behavioural addiction recognised by the WHO. Anyone who writes a lot of emails, communicates via WhatsApp or compares themselves on social networks is therefore rarely thinking of an addiction.

At the Swiss Expert Forum on Youth and Media in May 2019, addiction counselling centres reported that parents almost always only seek help with their gaming sons. However, the behaviour of daughters, who spend a similar amount of time on their mobile phones with social media, videos and chats, is rarely questioned. Larissa Hauser from the addiction prevention centre of the city of Winterthur says: «We are looking for the causes. One reason could be that mothers - and it is almost always mothers who bring their children to the addiction counselling centre - are particularly critical of gaming because they are not familiar with it from their own media use.»

Every third primary school child says that they use their mobile phone secretly in the evening. But adults also go to bed later because of their mobile phones.

But how much do our young people really use their mobile phones? According to their self-assessment in the JAMES Media Usage Study 2018, young people between the ages of 12 and 19 spend an average of two and a half hours online every weekday - mostly on their smartphone or tablet. At the weekend, it is four hours a day. Overall, this is two hours more per week than in 2016.

An additional evaluation of the study examined how many young people's online behaviour is problematic. The result: around 20 percent exhibit risky or even problematic behaviour. They state, for example, that they hide their internet use, that their school performance and time with friends suffer as a result and that they find it difficult to go offline. These at-risk groups also behave differently online than the average young person. They are more likely to disclose data on social networks, spread media violence more frequently and have experienced cyberbullying in more cases.

Media use is also increasing among younger children: according to the MIKE 2017 media use study, almost half of primary school children have their own mobile phone - almost always a smartphone. Just over a third say they use their mobile phones secretly in the evening when their children should be asleep - at least once a week.

Do two hours of media make you smart and four hours make you stupid?

But no smartphone is not a solution either: a study by the German Economic Institute recently showed that children who do not use media were rated worse by their teachers in terms of their ability to concentrate and social skills than their peers who spend up to two hours a day in front of a screen. The research leaders attribute this to the fact that the children are better integrated when they are familiar with certain games and series. And to the fact that some computer games can promote the ability to concentrate. However, the effect turns negative as soon as the children spend more than four hours a day with media.

So is there a number to orientate yourself by after all? Do two hours of screen time make you smart, but four hours make you stupid? It's not quite that simple. In families with moderate media use, other leisure activities such as music or sport are also very important. And these also have a positive effect on cognitive and social skills.

Even if there are no longer any firm time recommendations, experts and studies agree that it makes sense to limit media use. But how do parents set these individually? And the more crucial question: How can mums and dads enforce these in everyday family life? This is where their own usage behaviour comes into play. «Children are world champions at imitating and parents are their most important models for a long time,» says Lutz Jäncke, Professor of Neuropsychology at the University of Zurich.

Many adults struggle with moderate mobile phone use

So what about the role model function of adults? Do they have their mobile phone use under control? According to the statistics portal Statista, 21 per cent of adults in Switzerland say that they do not go to bed at the scheduled time because of their smartphone. Twenty-three per cent say that they are distracted by their device and that they feel they have to be constantly available. Nevertheless, 31 per cent allow themselves conscious offline time every day.

Another interesting question is how often we interrupt other activities in favour of our smartphones. Researchers from the German Menthal Balance Project at the University of Bonn used an app to study the behaviour of hundreds of thousands of smartphone users. On average, they activated their mobile phones 88 times a day. Of these, 35 times were to look at their watch or check whether they had received a message; 53 times were to surf, chat or use an app. Assuming that the test subjects slept for eight hours, they looked at their smartphone approximately every 11 minutes.

The problem with constant interruption is that our brain is not able to focus on more than one thing at a time. So when we multitask, our head jumps back and forth between different tasks. As a result, we are far less effective and tire more quickly. We don't get into flow states, are never fully present and are ultimately even less happy. Brain researcher Lutz Jäncke says: "When we set ourselves goals and make an effort to achieve them, we give ourselves the best feeling we can create: Pride.

Mothers and fathers replace the missing frontal cortex of children and young people with their media rules and guidelines.

Brain researcher Lutz Jäncke

But this is precisely what the constant temptations lurking in digital devices prevent us from doing. Lutz Jäncke describes the state the brain is in when surfing the net or watching series as follows: «We maintain a good level of tension. At the same time, our pleasure centre is activated and unpleasant feelings are shut down. We consume without working in a conscious and controlled way. This is pleasant, but not satisfying in the long term because we don't achieve anything.»

This is one explanation for why we often feel empty and unhappy when we have let ourselves drift into media consumption. The second reason is what we see: Perfection and happiness. For children and young people in particular, it is difficult to distinguish between reality and appearance; they first have to learn this ability to reflect.

Reduce stimuli, train self-discipline

In order to reach for your smartphone less often or put it down again more quickly, it is important to better control the stimuli emanating from the device. On the one hand, there are the news stimuli that come from news, emails and WhatsApp messages. Then there is everything that activates our pleasure centre - from funny cat videos and music clips to pornography. The brain's reward centre is also activated - for example, by likes on social networks or by reaching a new level in a game. The only way to get to grips with all this is to train self-discipline. «This involves reducing the presence of the stimuli and calming the craving for the devices,» says Jäncke.

This is particularly difficult for children and young people because the part of the brain responsible for self-discipline is not yet fully developed. And this is where parents come into play. «Mums and dads replace the missing frontal cortex with their rules and guidelines,» explains Jäncke.

This is not fully developed until around the age of 18 - and regresses if self-discipline is not practised. Parents still have to prescribe this training - with limited availability and rules for using the equipment.

Otherwise, children will hardly manage to do homework if they could also watch cat videos. This is because cat videos bring immediate joy, whereas the benefits of homework are abstract and lie in the future. Alexander Markowetz, who led the Menthal Balance Project at the University of Bonn and subsequently wrote the book «Digital Burnout», summarises it as follows: Expected benefit of a task = effort / time to reward. The longer the time between work and reward, the smaller the benefit of the task appears to us. We are more likely to resort to distractions and quick rewards.

Digital diets can lead to the yo-yo effect.

But what if we ourselves find it difficult to set an example for our children? In fact, there is much to suggest that we as a society as a whole have yet to learn the impulse control described by Jäncke. That we are still overwhelmed by the endless choices offered by the mobile internet.

It's not uncommon for us to overdo it - until we no longer enjoy it and long for a time-out, a «digital detox». Ironically, this is currently being hyped on social networks. Alongside smartphone manufacturers, social media giant Facebook has recognised the danger and offers settings that allow users to control and limit their time on the networks. Markowetz compares the current development with the onset of the diet craze: "When any food was available at any time, this led to the spread of obesity. Only then did more conscious food consumption and diets come into play.

The problem with digital detox is similar to that of diets: there is a risk of a yo-yo effect. In a study on offline time, the University of Zurich found that the test subjects were neither happier nor less online overall when they were prescribed a fixed offline time of two hours per day. They compensated or overcompensated for the missed time and also stated that they were anxious due to the lack of availability.

Question your own user behaviour

So how can parents be a good role model for their children? By observing themselves and becoming more aware of their media consumption. Anne Meyer (name changed), who gave us an insight for this dossier, has tried it out. The 39-year-old mother says: «I had over three hours of screen time a day, which I think is too much for a housewife who doesn't work on her mobile phone. After all, I can't ask my children to be more abstinent if I'm constantly tapping away on my mobile phone myself.»

It helps to keep asking yourself what you really want to use the devices for - and for how long. Only then can you limit your use to these activities. And tell your child honestly: «I'm going to answer emails for another ten minutes and then I'll be back with you.»

When reaching for your mobile phone becomes a habit and one thing leads to another

However, if reaching for your mobile phone is already subconscious and surfing for hours on end has become a habit, you need to practise self-discipline and impulse control. Mum Anne is also familiar with this: «I check the time and messages on my smartphone. Then one thing leads to another. At times, I've watched films in bed in the evening when my children were in bed and my husband wasn't home yet. That really gets out of hand!»

Anne started by deleting Facebook, Netflix and other apps that she used too often for her liking from her smartphone. «If I don't want to be distracted, I put my mobile phone on silent and leave it in the far corner of the house.» This is how the mum tricks her own habits. Tips like these can help in the search for measures to control impulses.

«With all these ideas: try them out. Not everything works for everyone. Why not ask the children for their ideas?» suggests Markowetz. «Self-discipline and creativity are the most important qualities that our children need to learn in order to be successful in the world in the future,» says brain researcher Lutz Jäncke. In the current report «Growing up in the digital age» by the Federal Commission for Children and Youth Affairs (EKKJ), self-competences such as self-discipline and self-reflection are seen as particularly important for the future world of work, alongside social and professional skills.

It is said that digitalisation is increasing the opportunities for mobile and flexible working. However, only those who have learnt to manage themselves work well in a home office or beach café. So putting your mobile phone away is also good training for more freedom in your later professional life.

Impulse control is easier if you offer attractive alternatives to smartphones or tablets. The JAMES study shows that although young people are spending more and more time online overall, other leisure activities such as sport or meeting friends do not suffer as a result. Nevertheless, there are activities that are described as possible protective factors against problematic online use because they are mainly reported by young people who do not exhibit risk behaviour: Making music, painting or crafting, spending time with pets. So if you want to be doubly safe, don't just limit smartphone time in the family, but pick up a paintbrush and an instrument instead.

Finally, some good news: the recently published «Always on» study by the EKKJ shows that young people between the ages of 16 and 25 are more concerned about the effects of being online all the time than an adult comparison group. Although they are online for longer on average than 40 to 55-year-olds, they are more reflective: 95 per cent of young people say they have already used strategies to practise self-discipline. For example, they have deleted time-consuming apps or set themselves a time limit. Parents who wrestle with their children about media rules can therefore be hopeful: As their children get older, their desire for mindful smartphone use also grows.