Understanding highly sensitive children
After a long familiarisation phase, Lena has integrated well into the kindergarten. She found it difficult to separate from her mother. In the first few months, she mostly stood in the room, unsure, observing and seemingly apathetic, without looking for play partners. It was only with time that Lena gained confidence, joined other, mostly quiet children and avoided the loud, inquisitive and demanding children.
Highly sensitive children need periods of rest and the opportunity to recharge their batteries.
Ever since it became clear that she was to start school, she has been complaining about difficulties falling asleep. The new stage in her life is causing her a lot of anxiety and fears. Lena's mother also describes her daughter as particularly insecure in unfamiliar situations and with extremely strong withdrawal behaviour as soon as stress and hectic situations arise. Her daughter worries about lots of little things. The mother is now worried about starting school. Will her daughter manage the transition? How will she cope with her classmates, the teachers and the demands of school? Many children feel the same way as Lena.
Knowledge about high sensitivity can make everyday life easier
Their reserved, cautious behaviour is often misunderstood and misinterpreted. When parents seeking help come across the topic of high sensitivity when investigating their child's behaviour, it is not uncommon for them to be relieved. «Now I finally understand why my child behaves this way» is one of the most frequently heard sentences in counselling sessions.
It is worth looking into this topic. According to the American psychologist Elaine Aron, 15 to 20 per cent of all children and adults are highly sensitive. If your own child has a highly sensitive personality structure, knowing about it can help you to master everyday life and organise it in such a way that the child is optimally supported in its development and can make the most of its abilities.
What is high sensitivity?
According to Elaine Aron, high sensitivity is an innate and therefore inherited personality trait. A highly sensitive disposition is usually already evident in infancy, among other things through intensive and attentive observation of the environment, rapid whining when there are too many activities and a reduced need to explore the environment - Aron refers to this as a behavioural inhibition system that is more active in highly sensitive children.
Highly sensitive children, HSK for short, have a more sensitive nervous system from birth. They perceive sensory impressions much more intensely than others. Hardly anything simply bounces off them. They want to process, think through and understand what they observe, feel and perceive. They take in far more details than the majority of their fellow human beings and think more intensively about what they experience.
High sensitivity affects 15 to 20 per cent of all children.
It is understandable that everything quickly becomes too much for highly sensitive children. The amount of information they perceive, such as the moods of other people, sounds and smells, means that these children need a lot of time to process events. If these children are exposed to too many impressions, it can lead to sensory overload. As a result, they feel exhausted, become stressed, want to shield themselves from the outside world or become irritable. Contrary to their otherwise calm and friendly demeanour, HSK children start to whine, cry or throw tantrums to signal that everything is too much for them.
Sleep problems, headaches and stomach aches can also be warning signs of overstimulation. HSK are initially very cautious and observant when faced with new situations. They think through all the risks and only when they feel safe and gain confidence do they become active and take action.
High sensitivity is not a disorder
Parents usually notice very early on that their child is behaving differently to other children, but have no explanation for this. The question often arises: Is my child's behaviour still normal or is there a disorder that requires therapy?
Psychologist Elaine Aron emphasises that high sensitivity is a positive personality trait and not a medical condition. The better parents, carers and educators respond to the characteristics of HSK, the greater the chance that the child will master life's challenges. Attempts at desensitisation or an environment that does not leave room for high sensitivity can result in disorders.
Parents are constantly faced with challenges in the development of their highly sensitive child that may not be manageable on their own. What if the sleeping problems get out of hand, if the child starts to avoid all contact? What if they can't cope with their differences? If they are unable to detach themselves during puberty because they lose security and structure? It can be helpful for parents to seek support from psychologists or therapists who specialise in the topic of high sensitivity.
Keeping an eye on strengths
Highly sensitive children have a variety of abilities that are very valuable. These include good empathy, a strong intuition, a strong sense of justice, reliability, creativity and a highly developed perception of detail. HSK often perform well at school. They want to solve their tasks as well as possible, absorb school content in detail and recognise complex relationships quickly.
The high level of sensory perception often reveals a high level of artistic or musical talent. They also have a fine sense of smell, taste and touch. In order for this potential to unfold, it is necessary to allow the children periods of rest and to take their need for retreat seriously. In this way, they can process the day's events and information in peace.
Highly sensitive children complain of headaches and stomach aches when overstimulated.
Spontaneous actions trigger downright stress in HSK and put unnecessary strain on the child. Every conversation, every hint, every additional piece of information about what to expect means more security for highly sensitive children and therefore less cause for anxiety. This can mean reading through the menu of a new restaurant with the child in advance so that they are spared embarrassment in front of lots of people at the family party.
It can also mean visiting a school before the child starts school, finding out about the future teacher and going through the school morning routine in advance. The more time is invested in this beforehand, the more relaxed the child can be about the unknown situation.
Literature tips
- Elaine Aron: Das hochsensible Kind. mvg, 2012, 350 p., Fr 25.90 Christa and Dirk Lüling: Mit feinen Sensoren. ASAPH, 2014, 160 p., Fr. 21.90
- Brigitte Schorr: High Sensitivity - Living and Understanding Sensitivity. SCM Hänssler, 2015, 79 p., Fr. 11.90 Georg Parlow: Zart besaitet. Mainland, 2015, 248 p., Fr. 32.90
Questionnaire: The following statements can help to assess a child's highly sensitive personality:
My child ...
- erschrickt leicht
- hat eine empfindliche Haut, verträgt keine kratzenden Stoffe oder keine Nähte in Socken oder Etiketten in T-Shirts
- mag keine Überraschungen
- profitiert beim Lernen eher durch sanfte Belehrung als harte Strafe
- hat einen für sein Alter ungewöhnlich gehobenen Wortschatz
- scheint meine Gedanken lesen zu können
- ist geruchsempfindlich, sogar bei sehr schwachen Gerüchen
- hat einen klugen Sinn für Humor
- scheint sehr einfühlsam zu sein
- kann nach einem aufregenden Tag schlecht einschlafen
- hat Mühe mit grossen Veränderungen
- findet nasse oder schmutzige Kleidung unangenehm
- stellt viele Fragen
- ist ein Perfektionist
- bemerkt, wenn andere unglücklich sind
- bevorzugt leise Spiele
- stellt tiefgründige Fragen, die nachdenklich stimmen
- ist sehr schmerzempfindlich
- ist lärmempfindlich
- registriert Details (Veränderungen in der Einrichtung oder im Erscheinungsbild eines Menschen usw.)
- denkt über mögliche Gefahren nach, bevor es ein Risiko eingeht
- erzielt die beste Leistung, wenn keine Fremden dabei sind
- hat ein intensives Gefühlsleben
Evaluation:
If at least 13 statements apply to the child, it can be assumed that it is highly sensitive. Source: E. Aron, «The highly sensitive child»
Important note:
The questionnaire serves as a guide for parents and carers and cannot be compared with a psychological test. The aim of the assessment is to gain a deeper understanding of the child and their behaviour. Many situations can be understood and reassessed in this way.
