Twins together in kindergarten or separately?

If you have twins, the question of «together or separate» arises relatively soon. Let them sleep together in one bed? Breastfeeding/feeding at the same time? Dress them differently or always in the same outfit? Double all the toys or go to the playground separately?

The decision to attend school together or separately has a major impact at the latest when they start school. Should twins attend kindergarten or later school together or separately (assuming, of course, that there are double classes or different school buildings in the area)?

Enrol twins in school together or separately?

There is no legal basis; each school decides for itself how twins are categorised. The basic tenor of an unrepresentative sample taken by the editorial team in various German-speaking cantons in Switzerland: Most schools let the parents decide when entering kindergarten. Always assuming that there is more than one kindergarten class. Some actively ask the parents what they would like, others point out that they should enclose a request with the enrolment form, as the family wishes. However, there are also schools that consistently separate twins when they start school, i.e. at kindergarten level.

For Jürg Frick, a child and adolescent psychologist, there is no universal answer to the question of «together or apart». Each case, i.e. each pair of twins, has to be assessed individually, says the psychologist. «For a long time, children were separated so that they had more opportunity to develop their own identity.» Today, things are a little more differentiated.

Jürg Frick cites a pair of refugee twins as an example. They speak the language badly and are very focussed on each other. It is the only bond they have in a foreign country. Separating them in kindergarten would be fatal.

In order for the two to gain a foothold and confidence, they are kept together in a class under close observation. The focus is always on ensuring that both can also have individual experiences.

In many cases, separation makes sense

And yet: Jürg Frick is also of the opinion that separation makes sense in many cases. «If one twin is more dominant and the relationship is too symbiotic, then it can be good for both of them to attend separate classes.»

He recommends that parents talk to the paediatrician, the childminder at the crèche or other caregivers and later also involve the teachers in order to separate or reunite twins for a later school year. Separating twins can help in that they can make their own friends, develop more independently and are not exposed to direct comparisons at school.

Prisca Durrer, headmistress of a QUIMS school (Quality in Multicultural Schools) in Oberglatt in the canton of Zurich, is already in favour of separation in kindergarten. «If we receive a request for placement in the same kindergarten, we contact the parents at an early stage to explain the separation.»

According to Durrer, the desire for a joint division is often linked to the organisation. Parents primarily want the shortest and the same route to school for their children. The children are then often divided into two classes in double kindergartens. Although the journey may then be a little longer, the same timetable applies for both children and the family organisation is relieved.

The head teacher has found that separating the development of both children helps, especially in the case of twins with German as a second language. In addition, twins are usually very different in character, regardless of whether they are identical or fraternal. One is more social, the other more reserved, one courageous, the other anxious.

«When talking to the parents, I ask, for example, whether one twin talks more at home or speaks more in general,» says head teacher Prisca Durrer. Parents often confirm that one child is more dominant and even speaks in favour of the other. An example from Durrer's everyday school life: of a pair of sisters with German as a second language, girl X was more robust, open and sociable. She dominated her sister, Y, and got all her difficulties out of the way, i.e. did her chores and work for her, made decisions for Y and also answered her questions. X developed well, made progress in German and was able to build up a healthy self-confidence, while Y rarely expressed herself, did not develop her own opinion and had little confidence. She remained anxious. The other children tended to choose X as a playmate and Y developed into a wallflower who tended to watch.

The two girls were separated after a year of kindergarten so that Y could develop on her own. After initial reticence, she found new playmates. Of course, she didn't become extroverted from one moment to the next, but she integrated much better. And she made her own developmental progress without her sister, endeavoured to communicate and therefore also had to speak more German.

However, Durrer believes that separation during kindergarten is suboptimal. The children are used to the teachers and the other children, and a change is usually not easy before another change is due for the first class a year later. This is another reason why Prisca Durrer is in favour of separation at the start of kindergarten.

To separate or not to separate

From a purely scientific point of view, however, it is not necessary to separate twins. As a recent study by the University of London involving 9,000 pairs of twins in England and Canada shows, it makes no difference to academic careers, learning motivation and grades whether twins were in class together or not.

Monozygotic and dizygotic pairs were also specifically compared, and no significant difference was found there either. The study concludes that the decision «to separate or not to separate» should not follow a strict rule, but should always be discussed individually with parents, teachers and the twins themselves.

For parents affected, the forced separation of their twins can be very upsetting. If a school systematically separates twins, there is almost no possibility of deciding to keep them together. Sometimes a medical or psychological request can help, but even that is no guarantee.

Nevertheless, one mum says that after six unhappy weeks in kindergarten, her twins were placed in the same class after all. The girl and boy went to nursery every morning sad and regularly expressed the wish that they could still be together. This should also be taken into account when deciding whether to separate them or put them together: The children have their own opinion! This doesn't necessarily have to be what parents expect: even symbiotic twins might want to be separated and permanently quarrelling children don't want to start school separately.

If the parents are vehemently opposed to a school's division practice, psychologist Jürg Frick points out how this can affect the child if they fight bitterly with the school. A willingness to talk and compromise on both sides provides the basis for a sensible school career for twins - together or separately.

Pictures: Fotolia, ZVG

Tips for parents of twins:

• Frühzeitig informieren, wie die Einteilung gehandhabt wird im jeweiligen Schulkreis und ein mögliches Mitspracherecht ansprechen.
• Auf der Anmeldung zum Kindergarten den Wunsch (getrennt oder zusammen) vermerken und gleich ein Gesuch einreichen, falls die Schulpflege das empfiehlt.
• Externe Meinungen einholen und beispielsweise bei der Krippe nachfragen, wie das Verhältnis oder das Verhalten der Zwillinge in der Krippe ist. Ist der eine oft dominanter als der andere? Kann ein Zwilling aufdrehen, wenn der andere nicht da ist?
   
• Die Kinder einbeziehen in die Entscheidung, auch sie haben eine Meinung!
• Ehrlich mit sich selber sein und nicht nach organisatorischen Kriterien entscheiden. Wenn dem Zwillingspaar eine Trennung gut tun würde, dann sollte diese Erkenntnis wichtiger sein als verschiedene Stundenpläne.

More about starting kindergarten:

• So kommt Ihr Kind gut an im «Chindsgi»
  Der Eintritt in den Kindergarten ist ein grosser Schritt aus der Geborgenheit der Familie in eine neue, unbekannte Welt. Von uns erfahren Sie, wie Sie Ihr Kind dabei begleiten können. 

• Frau Stamm, wann ist ein Kind kindergartenreif?
  Die Schweizer Erziehungswissenschaftlerin Margrit Stamm fordert: «Eltern müssen mehr loslassen». Doch was können Eltern tun, damit ihr Sohn oder ihre Tochter sich im Kindergarten wohl fühlt?