The tension between school and home: how to work together successfully

Parents are responsible for upbringing, schools for education: For a long time, this traditional understanding of two separate worlds with few points of contact applied. Today, schools and parents are moving towards an educational partnership. There are some obstacles to overcome, but there is also a lot to gain for everyone involved.

Over the last few decades, the separation between school and home has been increasingly erased through efforts on both sides. Parents are increasingly interested in what their children experience and learn at school, whether they feel comfortable there and whether they can develop. They are taking a closer look at how lessons are organised, which educational concepts are applied and to what extent their child's grades are appropriate.

Gabriela Heimgartner, Co-President of the School and Parents Association, emphasises that parents today are seen as partners by the school and want to be involved. As a result, teachers often experience greater influence from parents, which is sometimes welcome, but sometimes also perceived as interference.

On the other hand, schools are increasingly taking on educational tasks. One reason for this is that children today spend significantly more time in institutions such as all-day schools, crèches, lunchtimes, after-school care and homework supervision than the last generation. The influence of these institutions on children's development, values and social relationships has grown accordingly.

Not only does the school do more educational work, it also assesses children much more comprehensively than in the past.

In addition, schools are not only doing more educational work, they have also greatly expanded their remit in this direction and support and assess children much more comprehensively than before. It not only teaches children skills such as reading, writing and arithmetic, but also socio-emotional, personal and interdisciplinary skills such as independence, the ability to deal with conflict and dealing with one's own feelings - areas that were previously clearly the responsibility of parents.

Conventional parenting topics are now being discussed much more frequently in parent-teacher conferences. These include suggestions that the child's independence should be encouraged more, media consumption should be limited, a psychological assessment should be initiated or the child's perseverance should be worked on. Some of the parents see this as support, while others feel that their parenting skills are being questioned.

The different types of schools

Schools are dealing with this development in very different ways. Political scientist Anne T. Henderson from the Institute for School Reform at Brown University in the USA distinguishes between four ways in which schools organise their cooperation with parents.

Some schools position themselves as so-called school fortresses. They take the view that parents have no place at school and try to reduce contact to the obligatory minimum. They are of the opinion that parents must adapt to the school, ask if they want information and are themselves responsible if they do not understand it due to complexity or language barriers. Parents at such schools are increasingly careful not to make mistakes or say the wrong thing for fear that their child could be penalised.

Schools that open up invite parents to work together if they feel there is a need. Parents are primarily informed, sometimes also trained through parent workshops and given responsibility for learning support at home. Parents are welcome if the teacher invites them, but the management and organisation of the collaboration is entirely in the hands of the school.

The open school not only informs parents, but also encourages them to get actively involved. These schools ensure regular dialogue, specifically involve families with a migration background or language barriers and signal to parents that they can get in touch if they have any questions or problems.

This dropping off at the door always reminds me a little of the handover between quarrelling parents and guardians

Verena Friederike Hasel, psychologist and author

Partner schools are even more active in their cooperation and are characterised, for example, by the fact that they perceive parents as equal counterparts, pay home visits to the families of new pupils, involve parents in important decisions and regularly evaluate the child's learning progress with the family. Diversity is seen as an opportunity and care is taken, for example, to ensure that as many groups as possible are represented in the parent representatives.

Psychologist and author Verena Friederike Hasel describes these differences very vividly in her book «The Dancing Headmaster», which is well worth reading. In it, she presents New Zealand's education policy and reports, among other things, on the open and trusting cooperation between parents and teachers. There is a teacher who sends a short film home to parents on Fridays with everything that has happened this week - after all, many children don't talk much about school at home and it is nice for parents to know what their children are experiencing at school. There are teachers who ask parents if they would like to stay in class one morning so that they can get an insight and get to know each other. In contrast, she describes how parents in Germany are often only allowed to take their children as far as the front gate. «This dropping them off at the door always reminds me a little of a handover between parents or guardians who have fallen out,» says Hasel.

The more schools position themselves as fortresses, the more often they are approached by dissatisfied parents.

Fortunately, more and more schools in Switzerland are moving in the direction of open schools or even partner schools, increasingly involving parents and being open to dialogue. However, there is still a lot to do, as Thomas Minder, President of the Swiss Association of Head Teachers, emphasises. Some schools are still inward-looking and see contact with parents as an annoying additional duty.

Gabriela Heimgartner, Co-President of the association Schule und Elternhaus, has also observed this: «We experience time and again that parents are seen as a disruptive factor or a problem by teachers and school leaders.» The more schools position themselves as school fortresses, the more they experience that they are only approached by demanding, dissatisfied parents. The time when school and home were accepted as separate worlds is over.

Thomas Minder says: «The fortress will be stormed, it cannot be held. The only question is when. We would do well to open up as a school and talk to each other. After all, they are our children, the parents are our co-operation partners, we have a common task and the same interests. As a school, we need to launch a charm offensive and approach parents with goodwill.»

Several studies, which the former secondary school teacher and professor of education Werner Sacher summarised in his book «Elternarbeit als Erziehungs- und Bildungspartnerschaft» (Parental work as an educational partnership), now show how much schools, parents and pupils can gain from good and intensive cooperation. These include a more positive atmosphere in the teaching team, increased support and appreciation of the teachers by the families and, on the pupil side, more enjoyment of learning, fewer disciplinary problems, absences and violence. Relationships within the class and with teachers improve. Schools that actively develop in this direction and involve parents soon experience them as an important resource.

But it is not only teachers who are responsible for shaping this relationship. Markus Neuenschwander, professor at the University of Applied Sciences Northwestern Switzerland, emphasises: «Studies show that children are more motivated to learn and feel more comfortable when parents speak positively about the school and the teachers. Parents can build trust with teachers if they show appreciation for their work and show understanding for the fact that teachers act differently in the group situation of the school class than in families.»

«It is important,» emphasises Dagmar Rösler, President of the Swiss Federation of Teachers LCH, «that fathers and mothers see what is possible on the part of the school and understand that certain guidelines also apply at school and certain boundaries are set that are not drawn by teachers.»

Two types of parents make life difficult for teachers

Unfortunately, the school cannot always count on such parents. Over the course of many conversations with teachers, two groups of parents repeatedly emerge that make it very difficult for them to work together. On the one hand, there are parents who are unreachable, seem to show little interest in the school and education, do not turn up for parents' evenings or discussions and do not honour agreements. On the other hand, there are parents who are demanding and accusatory, see the school as a service provider and want to dictate to teachers which educational concepts they should follow and how they should organise lessons.

For Thomas Minder, the latter are the most difficult: «We sometimes have parents who demand more tests, even though we don't think grades in primary school make sense. Or those who promise their children a hundredth grade for a sixth. It's a misery for the children! Then they cry because they «only» got a five and a half and are missing out on money. I then try to argue professionally, with research results, but it remains difficult. On the other hand, you can still reach quite a large proportion of unreachable parents by being persistent: Call again and again, go round and ring the doorbell.»

Why do parents not come to the parents' meeting and stay away from the parents' evening? Is it really always a lack of interest? Professor Alma Harris from the Institute of Education in London investigated this question in a study with her team. The researchers came to a different conclusion.

The main reason for parents to stay out of school matters was their own bad school experiences and the associated fears and mistrust of teachers. The following reasons shared second place: Parents stated that children, especially boys, did not want to have their cards looked at and refused to allow their parents to contact the school. Equally frequently, parents reported that they did not feel competent enough, feared that the teacher's explanations would be too complicated for them or that they would not understand enough for language reasons. The last important reason given was the teacher's demeanour: Some parents felt that they were treated from above, not listened to or intimidated and avoided further contact for this reason. The researchers only found a very small proportion of parents to be genuinely disinterested.

Studies show: Children are more motivated to learn when parents speak positively about school and teachers.

Teachers can achieve a great deal, especially with parents who avoid school, if they adapt their work with parents to this situation and first and foremost try to build trust, actively approach parents and meet them as equals.

In this context, we were particularly impressed by the actions of Stanton Elementary School in Washington. It was considered one of the worst schools in the USA. The situation was so miserable that the school management and 80 per cent of the teaching staff were dismissed. A new team tried everything in its power to improve the situation, but to no avail. Pupils came and went as they pleased, violence and disciplinary problems were the order of the day. In its desperate search for solutions, the school came across a foundation that advised it to involve the parents. The problem: only 12 per cent of parents turned up for the parent-teacher conference.

The tide turned when the school decided to visit the parents at home. The teachers were given the task of only listening to the families. They were not allowed to bring any materials and were told to refrain from informing the parents about their child. Instead, they were to try to find out more about the families by asking questions such as:

• Can you tell me something about how your child experiences school?
• What were your own school days like?
• What are your hopes and dreams for your child's future?
• What does your child need to learn well and how can I support them?

These questions made it clear to the parents: these teachers are listening, are interested in our opinions and are willing to support our children. And suddenly, 73 per cent of parents attended the parents' evenings and discussions the following year. The children's school performance improved, disciplinary problems and absences decreased dramatically. The positive effects increased even further in the following years.

It doesn't always have to be home visits. It is important that parents feel seen, heard, valued and supported by the school first and foremost. This in turn means that parents develop trust in the school and are willing to give something back. This usually leads to more positive effects than trying to make parents feel responsible, overloading them with information, coming up with negative future scenarios or approaching them with demands.

But it's not just parents who need support and recognition. Dagmar Rösler emphasises that it is also «vital» for teachers to receive not only constructive criticism but also appreciation, positive feedback and the occasional thank you from parents. Being constantly confronted with demands, concerns and lists of shortcomings is also gruelling for teachers.

Book tips

School and home: www.schule-elternhaus.ch