Social skills - door openers for life

Every Tuesday from 1.30 to 2.15 p.m., the light panel in front of the school social services office at Wallbach primary school in Fricktal flashes, as this is when it functions as an «ideas office». Here, four sixth formers aged 12 advise their fellow pupils on problems and worries, but also on the realisation of ideas. Today's «case» was submitted by two fifth-graders: they complain that there are always arguments between classes about who is allowed to use the football goals when and with whom.

In addition to the Ideas Office team and the two fifth-graders, children and young people from each year group will also take part in the discussion. Beforehand, the team clarifies today's allocation of roles: Marco will lead the discussion, Maël and Nils will act as observers and Margaux will take the minutes. The participants are motivated to work together to bring about an improvement in their everyday environment - and improve their social skills in the process.

There is no clear definition of the term social competence. «Social skills encompass personal attitudes, values and abilities that enable a person to deal with others in an ethical manner,» says Florian Baier, professor at the Institute for Child and Youth Welfare at the FHNW School of Social Work. «It is important,» adds psychologist and learning coach Fabian Grolimund , «that you can adapt to your social environment to a sufficient degree, but also that you are aware of your needs and wishes and can assert them in a socially acceptable way.»

Recognising norms in situations, controlling your own behaviour

Social skills are always related to a specific situation. This means: «Children and young people should learn to recognise norms in situations, perceive themselves and others, build and maintain relationships and at the same time control their own behaviour in a targeted manner,» says Markus Neuenschwander, Professor of Educational Psychology at the FHNW School of Education.

So there are different ideas about which attitudes, values and skills contribute to good social skills. But how do children develop these, how can parents help them and what concepts and support programmes are offered at schools to promote them?

Self-competencies such as self-awareness and self-regulation are an important prerequisite for socially competent behaviour. This is why social and self-competences are often linked and referred to as life skills or personal protective factors. These can prevent the development of addiction, violence, bullying, depression and suicidal behaviour. In addition, actively shaping social relationships, understanding, tolerance and successful conflict resolution are basic prerequisites for successful coexistence. «And people who are integrated into a social environment are healthier and live longer,» says social pedagogue Baier.

Professional success requires teamwork, adaptability and assertiveness.

But we also need a high level of social and communication skills and the ability to make decisions in order to shape our own path in life. In other words, if you want to be successful in your career, you need skills such as teamwork, adaptability and assertiveness in addition to professional competences. «Studies show that social skills improve the chances of a successful school career and make it easier to enter vocational training and gainful employment,» says Neuenschwander.

But how does socially competent behaviour develop in the first place? «Humans are social beings from birth. They need good relationships in order to develop socially,» says Baier. Children usually learn social skills casually from their parents: They learn how to behave towards other people from family members and peers. They learn from role models, try out new behaviour and retain what they have learned.

«As a rule, parents simply react to their children's behaviour and thus create a learning environment that shows them how to behave. Through their values and expectations, parents unconsciously define what socially competent behaviour should look like,» says psychologist Grolimund. In other words, there is no universal consensus on this; it can vary greatly from person to person and culturally and is always judged from a personal perspective.

In addition to the child's own experiences, the parenting model of the parents also plays a role here. However, social skills are not only determined by what the child experiences in its environment. How impulsive they are, how well they can control their feelings and read those of others is also determined by their genetic make-up. «This can be recognised by the fact that twin children who grow up apart are often more similar to each other than siblings who grow up in the same family,» says Grolimund.

If a child is impulsive and eager to move, it will have fewer positive relationship experiences.

The child's personality traits - such as their impulsiveness - also influence their parents' relationship and parenting behaviour: if their personality contributes to their environment reacting positively to them, it is easier for the child to develop social skills. «To the one who has, is given,» says Grolimund.

If, on the other hand, a child tends to scream, is impulsive and very active and finds it harder than others to stick to the rules, they are more likely to be reprimanded by adults and are less likely to have positive relationship experiences. «If these children don't feel welcome, they rebel,» says psychologist Grolimund.

Children need to feel safe

«To prevent this vicious circle, their parents need to be particularly sensitive and highly skilled at reading their feelings and needs and helping them to cope with their emotions,» says Grolimund. They need clear signals that they are accepted and valued for who they are. Then they feel safe, experience a good relationship and can develop their social skills.

Problems in the family environment also have an impact on the social development of children and adolescents. «If they find themselves in a desolate family situation, for example due to a parent with a mental disorder or a parental divorce, this can lead to difficulties in their personal development and adaptability,» says Grolimund.

The bond between child and parent forms the basis for children being able to form successful social relationships themselves. Their insecurity usually manifests itself in challenging behaviour. «Some stand out due to hyperactivity, impulsiveness, attention problems, refusal and aggressive behaviour or social behaviour disorders,» says Myriam Achermann, psychologist and head of school services in Kriens LU.

Therefore, you should always pay attention to whether children are in a situation that fulfils their basic needs for attachment, recognition and autonomy. «A child's behaviour always arises in the context of their environment and always has a good reason; their strategies make sense, at least from their point of view. Therefore, the child's environment must also be considered and not just the child as a symptom carrier,» says Achermann.

School support mostly without special concepts

And what about the school environment? Before Curriculum 21 came into force, there were 26 curricula in this country. Some of them included social skills as learning objectives to some extent, or referred to the fact that school education should promote children's personal development, «but did not specify what exactly this should mean,» says Baier.

Social and personal skills are now more firmly anchored in Curriculum 21 as a cross-curricular educational objective. However, the question is how these skills can be promoted. «This is formulated in a comparatively non-binding way,» criticises Baier. «At school, social and personal skills have often only been addressed indirectly, for example when teachers want to enforce social rules. However, there are usually no differentiated didactic concepts used to promote them, only isolated specific programmes such as the morning circle or class council,» says Neuenschwander.

This is where children's topics are addressed and dialogue situations are created that allow them to talk about feelings, individual needs, conflicts and boundaries. «Further work should be done on how the generic skills mentioned in Curriculum 21 can be understood and promoted as educational goals for children for their own sake,» adds Baier.

Implementation programmes as well as aids and teaching materials to promote self and social skills
are often lacking in schools.

To achieve this, however, teachers must be prepared for their new tasks in a more targeted manner. «The learning objectives for German and maths, for example, have been worked out in detail,» says Baier. Concrete school-related implementation programmes as well as aids or teaching materials that support the effective promotion of self and social skills are often lacking or are less well known because they originate from school social work, violence prevention or health promotion. Or they are carried out as pilot projects at several schools as part of research projects, but are then often discontinued for cost reasons. «School social work and socio-educational programmes in day schools have created new opportunities to promote social and personal skills,» says Baier.

If teachers are unable to provide sufficient support for children with challenging social behaviour, they often feel that they are losing face - just like their parents. «However, it is no longer appropriate to claim to master such challenging situations alone. According to the African proverb «It takes a whole village to raise a child», we should have the courage to share responsibility for a child across several shoulders,» demands Maya Heer, teacher and coach in the Kriens family classroom.

As neutral confidants and experts in social contexts, school social workers have an open ear for the children, can recognise and coordinate their need for support and use their wide range of methods to address many issues. «This requires good cooperation between teachers and social workers and that the latter have sufficient resources and qualifications,» adds Baier. It is also important that teachers, school social workers and school management are in dialogue with parents. «However, more could be done in this respect in Swiss schools: In many cases, parents are only invited to an assessment meeting or if there are problems,» continues Baier.

Bundling individual activities into an overall concept

However, it is not the case that nothing is being done at schools in this country. Socio-educational concepts such as the «ideas office» or the «inner referee» are successfully used to promote pupils' social skills. If children and young people have problems dealing with their own feelings or social behaviour, for example, the offer of a «family classroom» can be a valuable support.

Experts reject the grading of social skills envisaged in Curriculum 21.

Ideally, individual school activities to promote social skills are bundled into an overall concept - a social curriculum - which serves as a common thread and is anchored in the school programme, as recommended by Stuttgart educationalist Martin Ripplinger, for example. This helps to promote social skills in the long term, as they are then systematically integrated into the didactic culture of the various subjects.

Because only when school administration, teachers, parents, pupils and extracurricular partners have the same goals in mind can they take responsibility for the learning process. According to Baier, the PISA studies have shown "that bullying has increased in Swiss schools. This is undoubtedly because the promotion of social skills is often not part of the overall school concept.

Verbal feedback is more conducive to competence

All of the experts interviewed for this dossier reject the grading of social and personal skills envisaged in Curriculum 21. «Teachers usually assess a child's social skills based on individual observations of their behaviour. They try to assess them based on this,» says education expert Neuenschwander. He therefore advocates a combination of tests, self-assessment and external assessment. In his view, children should receive verbal feedback on their social behaviour, but social skills should not be assessed with a grade. Fabian Grolimund says: «The time for the assessments and evaluations should rather be used to discuss with the child which skills they still need to work on and how they can be supported in doing so. That would be far more skills-orientated.»

Baier argues similarly: «Social behaviour should be linked to positive feelings and not be developed out of pressure to achieve grades.» Allan Guggenbühl, the well-known Swiss youth psychologist, goes one step further. From his perspective, the formulation of social and personal skills is based on target expectations that many adults are unable to fulfil.

Schools need a climate and programmes that support children in developing their social skills.

Behaviour such as contradicting, interrupting each other, being loud or not understanding is part of children's normal development and should not immediately be interpreted as social incompetence. «A person's personality, including their social and personal skills, is a valuable asset. They can be fostered at school, but this must be done differently than with specialised skills,» says Baier. «Children today spend a lot of time at school, so it is important - in addition to parental parenting behaviour - that the school creates the climate and educational opportunities that support children in developing their social skills.»

And what about the problem of the coveted football goals in Wallbach? Marco asks the two fifth-graders what exactly their problem is, what their goal is and what possible solutions they see. He then asks for the opinions of the other people present in the ideas office. The invited participants in the discussion vote with their eyes closed so that no one can influence the decision of the others. A rule that the children came up with themselves. Margaux announces the result of the vote and everyone involved signs the minutes. Marco types up the new football schedule and puts it up on the door to the playground. Another conflict resolved.

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